


Someday

by Sweet_Babboo



Category: Whitechapel (TV)
Genre: Background Relationships, Drama, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV Male Character, Romance, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-25
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-06 03:41:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1843018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweet_Babboo/pseuds/Sweet_Babboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kent and Chandler are trying to pick up the pieces after the end of Series 3. Can they let down their defenses and find each other? The only thing stopping them is themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Visitor from the Past

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kind of stepping out of my usual romance fan fiction and trying to write for a male/male relationship. If you know anime, it is more shounen-ai than yaoi. This is how I imagine how Kent and Chandler's relationship would be in my mind's eye. Of course, that was when series 3 had just ended and I was still miffed. This story has a special place in my heart because it was my first Whitechapel story I posted. I hope you will enjoy it!
> 
> Originally posted on 12Mar2013 on Fanfiction.net

Detective Constable Emerson Kent loosened his tie as he entered into his flat and dropped it unceremoniously onto the coffee table along with his blazer and plopped onto the couch after a particularly long day's work. It had only been three months since the end of the Bogeyman murders, but the passing of time had not diminished the effect of that fateful day when Kent last saw Morgan Lamb alive.

He had been pissed off royally at the therapist, and with good reason, for what she had said to him behind closed doors at the precinct. Who the bloody hell did she think she was making uninformed opinions about him as well as his relationship with DI Chandler? She had accused Kent of sabotaging Chandler's happiness, when it was never his intention. Perhaps her observation hurt more, because there was a small element of truth in what she said. He should have been glad that the boss seemed to come out of his shell and was pursuing a relationship with her, but he couldn't. It gnawed away at his soul, much to his dismay, and he knew why.

The incident only served to remind Kent that Chandler did not see him as anything more than a subordinate. That realization was all the more painful because there wasn't a single thing he could do to change the situation without confessing his feelings. It wasn't the fact that Chandler took a fancy to Morgan…well, not entirely that. What hurt Kent the most was that after all this time working together side by side, he thought that Chandler trusted him. He used to take his word at face value and listen to his input and valued his opinions. All right, so his theory might have had no real merit and it was driven partially by jealousy, but Chandler would have never chewed him out like that in times past. He would have at least considered the remote possibility that it could have been true that she could have working along with the murderer as an accomplice. It wasn't that farfetched a theory, was it?

But the boss only had eyes and ears for that woman. And it had clouded his judgment to the point where he was thinking with his heart and not his head. What if Kent's theory had been correct? The case could have been compromised and blown up in their faces. It was bad enough that the upper echelon of the police force would never recognize their department for their hard work in almost capturing the Ripper copycat.

Wasn't it his job to call out his boss for the good of the investigation? How could he take her side over his? He had only known Morgan for a few days. Kent and Chandler had worked together for almost three years. And yet Chandler had no difficulty accusing him of being the mole in the Kray case without any real proof, which was still a sore subject for Kent.

Kent was not a compulsive, jealous person by nature. But whether it was a conscious or subconscious decision, he had attempted to drive a wedge between Chandler and Morgan. And because of his jealousy, it had inadvertently caused her death. Detective Sergeant Miles had been the only one to notice his agitated state despite the chaos of the aftermath.

" _Don't blame yourself, lad. Cindy Watney was the one who killed Morgan. Not you."_

" _But I allowed her to have access to the room when I left. I was there. I should have stayed behind."_

" _You couldn't have known what was going to happen. Don't take it so hard on yourself. It was a tragic accident. Listen, no one is going to blame you for what happened."_

" _The boss probably does. I just know it," Kent replied quietly._

The young detective closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the cushions as he tried to block out the events that kept re-playing in his mind. He was loathe to admit it, but he was emotionally and mentally exhausted. Every day it was getting more difficult to hide his feelings for his superior. Now with the sudden and tragic death of Morgan, he feared DI Chandler was going to be worse off than ever before.

At first Kent thought it was just admiration on his part and a bit of hero worship when the tall, unassuming, and peculiar detective inspector first assumed leadership of their division in the Whitechapel district. Kent's devotion gradually turned into something he never expected. The youngest of the detective constables had fallen for Detective Inspector Chandler.

Kent would never forget the night the boss first showed up in a well-tailored and very expensive Savile Row tuxedo. Anyone would have thought he was attending a society function instead of a gruesome murder scene. Those were the days. Everyone, including Kent, believed he wouldn't last very long, and had only been appointed the head of their department because of his connections. DI Chandler ended up proving that despite his unorthodox methods, he could do the job. In fact, he had brought in a breath of fresh air that was desperately needed in the department, as far as Kent was concerned.

Before Chandler came along, Kent had been keeping the status quo and not making waves at work. Because of his status on the ladder of seniority, he had been treated like everyone's whipping boy since he was the least experienced and youngest of the group. The shake-up that Chandler brought had brought a renaissance for him. He was taking a more active role in the various cases as well as being nurtured in crime solving techniques. He discovered that he in fact, was damn good at his job. Despite the constant ribbing he took from his more experienced colleagues about being a kiss-up, he never wavered in his support of DI Chandler.

It had taken everyone a while to come to accept and respect their new boss, especially DS Miles. But even the seasoned gritty veteran Detective Sergeant had come around and become more of a father figure to his younger and less battle tested superior. If things weren't already complicated enough, Kent even envied the relationship that Miles and Chandler shared on a professional level. It was to be expected considering the nature of their profession, but Kent couldn't help it. Even if Chandler didn't show a romantic interest in him, he would have been satisfied with a professional closeness. The way things stood now, the older man probably couldn't bear to even be in the same room with him.

Kent's pride had taken a right beating when Chandler angrily rebuked him for suggesting that Morgan could have been involved in the Bogeyman murders. He had come oh so close to admitting his feelings, but fortunately stopped himself in time by backing down. He even swallowed his pride and apologized to her at Chandler's gentle, but firm request for his sake and to keep the peace. Kent was smart enough to realize that he was fighting an uphill battle, but he couldn't change the way he felt any more than he could change his DNA. Plus, he didn't have the will or courage to leave. He kept hoping and believing that someday, things would change.

The sudden buzz of the doorbell jolted him out of his thoughts. Who could it be at this hour?

"Who is it?"

"Don't tell me you've forgotten me already," a familiar female voice answered from the other side of the door.

Impossible! It couldn't be her.

His eyes suddenly lit up in delight as he opened the door to find his old college roommate and friend smiling at him.

"Danni! What are you doing here?"

"Emmy! It's so good to see you again!" replied the petite blond as she reached up to hug him affectionately.

He groaned in dismay. "I told you never to call me that in public," he said, but returned the hug just as warmly.

"Sorry. Old habits are hard to break. Aren't you going to ask me in?"

"Where are my manners? Please, make yourself at home. Would you like a drink?"

"No. No, thank you."

Danielle Walker slid into the nearby armchair while he sat just opposite of her. She still had those long, naturally curly, honey-blond tresses and baby blue eyes that were the envy of any woman.

"You're looking as beautiful as ever, Danni. I see that some things never change."

"And you're still just as sweet, you flatterer. Am I intruding?"

"Not at all. I just got home from work."

"You've really moved up in the world, Emerson. You went from a safe desk job and petty thefts to dealing with serial killers. I couldn't help but worry about you when I read about the Jack the Ripper copycat murders and that nasty business with the Kray Twins."

"Unfortunately, Whitechapel hasn't lacked for boredom since you left. It's nice to know that you still worry about me."

"I …um…I also read that you were injured in the line of duty," she said quietly.

In their college days, she had always been protective of the quiet, studious, and bright young man who she had the honor of calling a friend. Danni knew that he could easily take care of himself, but it hadn't stopped her from worrying about him.

"Hey, they can't get rid of me that easily. I'm fine now Danni. Really I am."

"Honest?"

"Scout's honor. And what doesn't kill me makes me stronger."

She smiled gently. "You've changed. What happened to the man who would always find a solitary place and have a good cry when things didn't go right or got too much for him?"

"Oh, I still do that," he admitted with a wry chagrin. "What are you doing here? I thought you were working in New York?"

"I needed to get away for a little bit," she replied softly. "And I missed home, so here I am."

"In all the years we known each other, you've always had a yearning to leave home in search of adventure. There's something else."

Danni smiled and reached over to clasp his hand in hers.

"Still as intuitive as ever. It's no wonder you're a Detective Constable."

"That's what it says on my badge. It must be true," Kent quipped humorously, making her laugh.

"I really missed you, Emmy. You always knew how to cheer me up. And you always knew me. You're right. Something is wrong."

"Tell me all about it."

Danni got up and walked over to the window, crossing her arms over each other.

"I shouldn't even be here at all, and I've no right dropping in out of the blue and burdening you with my problems. I did it to you all the time back in college. And I'm still doing it now."

Kent walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around to face him.

"It's ok, Danni. I'm listening."

He didn't mind forgetting about his own problems for a little while, especially if he could help out a friend.

Danni sighed resignedly. "I've always known what I wanted out of life, Emerson. I was always in control. Now all of a sudden I don't know what to do."

"That's not so unusual, is it? All of us experience self-doubt every now and then."

"But have you ever felt as though you were constantly living in fear? That there are times where you feel like you can't function?"

"I haven't personally experienced it, but I know it's not as uncommon as you would think."

"Everything was going perfectly. I had great fulfilling career, a beautiful penthouse suite overlooking Central Park, and boyfriend who would do anything for me. Then one day, as I was leaving for work, I suddenly felt my heart palpitate unevenly. My hands felt clammy and I couldn't breathe. I felt like the walls were closing in on me."

"Sounds like you were having an anxiety attack. Did you go see a doctor?"

"She couldn't find anything wrong physically. It's all in my mind."

"In my experience, I've found that there is always a trigger to these kinds of cases. We just have to pinpoint what that trigger is."

Danni looked at him directly in the eyes. "I think you're that trigger, Emerson."

_To Be Continued_


	2. Nothing But the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent's old friend needs his help, but will it help or hinder his relationship with Chandler? Only time will tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will post as time permits, but I assure you, the story IS finished. :)  
> Originally posted on 15Mar2013 on Fanfiction.net

Kent stared dumbfounded after Danni's revelation.

"Me? What did I do?"

"You didn't do anything per se. I think it all started when boyfriend Max, suggested that we move in together a few weeks ago. That's when the panic attacks started. Perhaps, subconsciously, I didn't want to replace you since you were the first significant man in my life and the only one that I lived with."

"Danni, we haven't lived together for over six years. Why would you feel this way right now?"

"The therapist my doctor referred me to says that there is no rhyme or reason to when these kinds of attacks occur. Part of the treatment is learning how to deal with them and more importantly, finding the root cause."

"What do we…what do we do about it?" he asked uncertainly.

"I have a proposition for you."

"Why do get the feeling I'm going to regret hearing this?"

"Let me stay with you for a while. If the panic attacks stop, I'll know that you're not the reason."

Kent turned away to not show his conflicting emotions. It wasn't that he didn't want to help Danni. But he was wary of what could happen if he allowed her to stay. He was in enough emotional turmoil from dealing with Chandler. He didn't need more drama than he had already had.

"Emerson?"

"You're asking a lot."

"I know, but I wouldn't ask you to do this, if I didn't have any other alternative."

Kent turned around.

"What about your boyfriend? How does he feel about this?"

"He said to do whatever it takes. He wants what's best for me."

"Before we go any further, I need to tell you something. There's someone else."

"Oh, I see," she replied softly. "I don't want to mess things up for you. That's the last thing I want to do. Is it serious?"

"Only on my part. I'm afraid he'll have none of me."

"What? How could he not want to be with you?" she demanded angrily. "What is wrong with him?"

Kent smiled at her fierce loyalty and over protective nature.

"It's not that simple. He's not interested in men…and he just happens to be my boss."

"Sounds like you've fallen really hard for this guy. Have you told him how you feel about him?"

"Of course not," he replied defensively.

"Why not? You never how he'll react. And if he's open to it, how is he going to reciprocate your feelings if you don't tell him?"

"And what if he doesn't reciprocate them? What if he decides he can't handle it? Can you imagine what it would be like to be working side by side with him knowing he feels that way?"

"Emerson, exactly how long have you harbored these feelings?" she asked suspiciously.

"Almost three years."

Danni reached over to smack him in the back of the head in chastisement.

"Ow! What did you do that for?"

"For being a git. Don't you realize that the longer you wait to tell him, the more opportunity you leave for him to find someone else?"

Kent fell silent as he stared at the floor. He never considered the possibility, but it made sense now that Chandler had been more overt regarding his romantic interests. Kent thought he had all the time in the world. But in reality, he was on borrowed time.

He didn't resist when she gathered him into her arms, cradling his head like a child. On top of the strain of the past few months, he had reached the end of his rope and let out his frustration in a stream of silent tears.

"I'm sorry, Emerson. I didn't mean to give you a hard time."

He quickly wiped away at his eyes as he pulled away from her.

"Don't apologize. I've known all along deep down that you're right. I just didn't want to admit it."

"I see that you still have a good cry once in a while," Danni teased, trying to break the tension.

"You know, as strange as it sounds, I miss you bossing me around like you used to," he replied softly.

She pushed him away abruptly, almost giving him whiplash. "Just what do you mean by that?" she demanded. "Do I need to remind you that I saved your ass on more than one occasion?"

"Oh? I take it, you don't want to stay here, then?" he asked.

"But you said…"

"Forget what I said. I've had a change of heart. Since my flat mates are away on holiday anyway, it won't be a problem. I could use the company."

"Well, if you're sure."

"Positive. Come on. Let's go get your luggage so you can settle in tonight."

"That won't be a problem," she replied smiling in satisfaction.

Danni walked over to the foyer, opened the door and brought in her suitcases from the hallway, which had been sitting there the entire time.

"I knew you wouldn't say no."

Kent shook his head and laughed in disbelief. Some things never change.

* * *

 DI Chandler rubbed his temples with his ointment balm trying to get a hold of himself, as felt his control slipping again. It had been three months since Morgan's death, and he was getting worse every day. Miles, as usual was being his bossy, motherly self, pestering him to get some rest by taking some time off, but he balked at the very idea. It wouldn't have done any good getting away. Whether it was at home or someplace else, he still had to deal with his usual issues. It was when he was alone that it was the worst time for him. Immersing himself in work was the only thing keeping him sane at the moment.

He looked up from his desk as he observed the bustling office, as he was wont to do from time to time. The scene in front of him was a picture of normality, which was in stark contrast to the turmoil the detective inspector was going through, mentally.

His gaze stopped upon Kent who was sitting at his desk, scouring over several documents while on the phone tracking down leads on the latest case the team had been working on. Ever since the Bogeyman murders, their relationship had been somewhat strained. It was especially apparent after he had chastised his subordinate the day of Morgan's death. There was no mistake that things had changed between them and it had added to the strain he was already under.

Kent had always stood out even in the beginning when Chandler first took over the Whitechapel division. It had made the rough transition a little easier knowing that the young and eager detective constable was willing to do anything he could to help him out. He was almost always the first person he chose to come along with him when they were out following leads. It wasn't too difficult choice since none of the other detectives at the time had respected him. And besides, Kent was the only one of them that he had any confidence in.

After a while, what started out as convenience became a force of habit. It became routine and a matter of comfort for Chandler. In doing so, he became an unofficial mentor to Kent. Thanks to the fruits of his labor, the detective constable had grown professionally and had become a vital member of the team. Chandler had subconsciously come to depend on him, but now Kent shied away from being anywhere near the detective inspector which rattled him. Chandler needed things to be a certain way and functioning without Kent was like functioning without a limb.

From all appearances, it seemed that Kent seemed to have left the incident behind him, being the consummate professional that he was. But Chandler noticed that the younger man was making an extra conscious effort not to be around his presence, unless he had to be. Even when he would ask Kent to go along with him to follow up on a lead, he would always find an excuse not to go. For the good of the team and his own psyche, Chandler could not let this situation continue.

* * *

"Oy, Kent," DC Mansell called over to him, as they were winding down later that evening before the end of the day. "A couple of us are heading over to the pub around the corner. Come and join us."

"What's the occasion? It's only the middle of the week. You didn't go and get engaged again, did you?" Kent quipped.

"Very funny. Since when do you need a reason to hang out and a have a pint?"

"Sounds tempting, but I'll have to take a rain check."

"Come on. You could use a night out, after the funk you've been in."

"What funk?" Kent shot back, defensively.

"It's not exactly a secret. Everyone knows it."

"Knows what?" he asked a little nervously.

"That you and the boss had a falling out. He really must have pissed you off."

"Not that it's any of your business, but I'll have you know that you couldn't be more mistaken. And who told you, anyway?"

"You're a detective aren't you? Figure it out. What are you getting so worked up about? It's about time you spoke up and stood your ground."

"YOU should talk. I don't see you doing that."

"We're talking about you, not me. Besides, it's different with you and the boss."

"How do you reckon that one out?"

"Aw come on. Everyone knows you look up to him. It's no surprise."

"That was in the beginning. It's different now."

"Is it?"

"YES, it is. I do have my own opinions you know."

"Glad to hear it. I was beginning to think you would never get up the nerve to talk back to the boss."

"You're making a big deal out of nothing. It's all over and done with anyway."

"Kent, would you mind stepping into my office?" Chandler asked from the open doorway.

Mansell smirked in satisfaction.

"Apparently not," Kent said under his breath as he was about to head into the lion's den.

* * *

Kent took a deep breath as Chandler closed the door behind him. His office seemed smaller when it was just the two of them occupying it.

"I'm going to be up front with you, Kent. I've noticed some tension between us for a while now and it's beginning to interfere with our working relationship."

"I don't know what you're talking about, sir."

"It's as though you've been avoiding me on purpose. I'm sure I'm not imagining these things. I want to know why. Is it because of me or something that I've done?"

"Has it ever occurred to you that there are other things going on my life?" Kent answered defensively. "Contrary to popular opinion, I do have a life outside of work."

"I didn't mean to imply anything. It's just that you're an important part of my team."

"Am I?" he asked pointedly.

"Of course you are. If you're having difficulties, you know that you can always come to me. I'll do everything in my power to help you if I can."

"You told me once that the only thing that mattered to you was the truth. Did you mean that?"

"I still stand by what I said. What is it, Kent?"

Kent hoped he wasn't going to regret this. He took a deep breath.

"I was avoiding you because…I know that you blame me for what happened to Morgan Lamb," he replied quietly.

"What?" Chandler asked in complete bewilderment.

"I was the last person to see her alive. I should have made sure there was an officer present when I left. It's my fault that she's dead."

Chandler turned around and attempted to gather his composure. All those bad feelings from that fateful day came rushing back in a torrent of emotions. He felt his control was slipping rapidly, even after snapping the rubber band that encircled his wrist given to him by Morgan.

"It wasn't your fault, Kent," he managed to say in an even tone of voice.

"You don't have to spare my feelings, sir. I know how much she meant to you," Kent said with difficulty.

Chandler whipped around angrily and walked up to him until they were almost face to face.

"I would appreciate if you kept your observations about my personal life to yourself. What I feel or don't feel is irrelevant. It is of no concern to you."

Kent stared at his superior in disbelief. He was only being honest. Isn't that what Chandler wanted? Why was it all right for DS Miles to offer his unsolicited advice and opinions, but he was not allowed to? Normally Kent would have backed off, but this time it was different. Kent was angry and hurt. And he had reached his limits. Kent summoned all the courage he could muster and stood up to Chandler for the first time since they had known each other.

"It concerns me when you let your personal feelings jeopardize a case, like it almost did last time. You practically bent over backwards to protect Morgan. Any time I mention anything about her, you go off on me as if I'm the enemy attacking you. It happened back then, and it's happening right now."

"Because you went after her relentlessly as though you had a personal vendetta. She was a victim, not a suspect. Then you made unfounded allegations about her being an accomplice with the murderer without any real proof."

Kent gritted his teeth as Chandler chose the wrong thing to say to him.

"I seem to recall you doing something similar to me in the Kray case."

Chandler reacted like he had been sucker punched.

"That's not fair. It was an entirely different situation. I did what I thought was best under the circumstances."

"And I didn't?" Kent retorted.

"I thought we were past that. If you have a problem with me, then come out and say it. But you had no right to verbally attack Morgan at the time. Which, may I remind you, she was found innocent of your erroneous theory."

Even after Morgan's death, Chandler was still defending her, which only fueled Kent's rising displeasure.

"I had EVERY right to act the way I did," Kent interjected angrily.

Chandler was taken aback by the younger detective's volatile reaction. He had been so enamored of Morgan that he couldn't see that Kent's ulterior motive was to protect the detective inspector.

"You accused me of having my judgment clouded, but apparently you have absolved yourself of doing exactly the same thing."

"What the hell do you mean by that?" Chandler demanded.

"Wasn't your judgment clouded by romancing a key witness who could have been a potential suspect? Didn't you share confidential information with her that could have compromised the case? Where was YOUR objectivity, sir?"

"You're out of line, Kent. I won't have you undermining my authority," Chandler replied coldly. "I am still your superior and you will show respect, is that clear? I don't enjoy being second guessed, especially by a subordinate."

Whenever Chandler felt that he was not in control, he had a nasty habit of pulling rank, especially when he was backed into a corner. This time, Kent wasn't going to let him get away with it.

"And I don't enjoy being treated like a second class citizen because of my position," Kent responded curtly. "I may not have your seniority, but it doesn't make my input any less relevant. And for the record, I have always respected and supported you. Which is more than I can say for you."

He turned to leave before he said something he would really regret.

"We are not finished here."

"You've made your point perfectly clear what my position should be. Perhaps I should go to a place where I won't have to be so careful of what I say," Kent replied, and left the dumbfounded detective inspector standing there in his office to ruminate on his last words.

Kent was oblivious to the curious stares he received as he angrily walked out of the DI's office and left the building. All he wanted to do was get as far away from the station as quickly as possible.

_To Be Continued_


	3. Beer and Sympathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent and Chandler deal with the aftermath of their latest blowup in different ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 22Mar2013 on Fanfiction.net

"I can't believe I did that," Kent moaned as he buried his head in the curve of his elbow on the kitchen tabletop. "I am such an idiot."

Danni patted his head comfortingly and poured him a nice cold beer as she commiserated with her friend in the aftermath of his confrontation with his boss.

"There, there. It wasn't that bad, was it?"

He raised his head and gave her a look of disbelief.

"Weren't you listening? I made a complete and utter fool of myself."

"Well, at least you got his attention, didn't you?"

"I didn't want THAT kind of attention. How am I going to face him again?"

"Your boss will probably chalk it up to you working too hard lately. At least he knows now that you're no pushover. And look at it this way. Maybe this will open the door for you."

"Fat chance of that happening. He's still hung up on her," Kent replied softly and took a swig of his beer.

"This isn't doing you any good, Emerson. I hate seeing you like this."

"What am I supposed to do? Give up and find someone else?"

"Would that be such a bad idea?" she asked softly.

"Danni, I've been hung up on him for almost three years. I can't turn off my feelings like a faucet. Besides, I don't want anyone else."

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

"Do? I think I've done enough already."

"Now that you've got his attention, you're in the perfect position to tell him how you really feel."

"There's just one problem. I might have gotten myself the sack."

* * *

 Chandler splashed water on his face in the men's restroom at the station the following day to wake himself up. He hadn't had a good night's sleep in several months and the strain was beginning to wear on his nerves as he took out his frustration on his detective constable yet again. He frowned when he thought back to the previous night's confrontation.

It pained him to think that Kent had been carrying the guilt on his shoulders all this time. The truth of the matter was that Chandler himself, felt solely responsible for Morgan's death. He had seen how distraught Luke Watney's mother had been at the passing of her son. He should have put her in a separate questioning room instead of leaving her free access in the area so close to where Morgan was. He put the blame entirely on himself and he would have to live with it for the rest of his life. Which was why he was having trouble sleeping lately.

Chandler's relationship with Kent had been slowly deteriorating and now it was on the brink of collapse. He had never seen Kent so angry at him before or at anyone for that matter. As much as he hated to admit it, Kent had every right to be angry at him. Chandler had behaved like a lovesick adolescent, defending Morgan without even knowing for sure if Kent's theory had been correct. Instead of even considering it, he had shot it down. For the first time since his arrival, he let his personal feelings get in the way of his job. And he had chosen her side against one of his detectives.

Chandler hung his head down in anguish, while resting his hands against the sides of the basin. Upon self-introspection, he had acted childishly and stubbornly at the time. And unfortunately, his detective constable had borne the brunt of his fury. Kent must have felt so betrayed that the person he emulated the most had turned his back on him, yet again. The realization that he had hurt Kent struck him to the very core of his being. Chandler promised himself he would never allow such a thing to happen again after what the Kray twins did to him. They had almost broken his spirit and now Chandler, himself, may have destroyed the trust of one of his most impressionable and loyal detectives that he had come to depend on. Oh god, he would never forget the look in Kent's eyes.

"I thought I'd find you in here. You ought to change your office," DS Miles commented as he walked in. "You spend more time in here than you do at your desk."

"It's happening again, Miles. I thought I could handle it, but I can't."

"I thought something was up. That's the second shirt you've replaced today, isn't it?"

"Third," he admitted reluctantly.

"I know it's been tough for you ever since Morgan died, but don't you think you should come back and join the land of the living with the rest of us?"

"I have been trying. I really have. I just can't get over the guilt. I don't think I ever will."

"We've been over that before. It's nobody's fault."

"It isn't just her death that I can't get over. Kent told me that he felt responsible for what happened to Morgan."

"I know. He told me the day that it happened."

"He did?"

"You mean you didn't know until now? I'm surprised. The kid is taking on more of your habits. The next thing you know, he'll be in here changing his shirt several times a day," Miles replied, trying to lighten the mood. "That was a joke."

"Sorry Miles, but I don't feel like laughing right now."

"I couldn't help but notice him leaving your office yesterday as mad as hell. What did you do?"

"Nothing," Chandler retorted defensively.

Miles gave him a skeptical look. He had been on the force too long not to recognize when someone was hiding something. Especially when it was DI Chandler.

"Look, we just talked, all right?" Chandler finally conceded.

"Must have been quite a talking to you gave him. You managed to piss off the one person who is probably the most likeable person in the world."

"I know, I know."

He suddenly slammed his fist against the mirror angrily.

"God, all I do is mess things up for everyone."

"No one ever got an award for taking the most blame. Look, it would be a perfect world if we could personally stop every crime from happening. But we can't. The world is imperfect and so are we. You gotta stop thinking that you can control everything and everyone. And you can't keep resting the weight of every crime on your shoulders."

"This last time was different. It WAS personal," Chandler replied quietly.

"I know it's hard, but it's part of the job. We all go through it at some point in our careers."

"How do you do it, Miles? How do you forget when it hits so close to home?"

"You don't. But you don't try to go through it alone either. That's why I have Judy and the kids. They're my reasoning for going on. You have to find what gives you reason for going on."

"I thought I might have. But I'll never know, will I?"

Miles put a comforting hand on his boss's shoulder.

"Come on. Llewellyn's waiting for us at the morgue."

Chandler nodded and followed his right hand man, grateful for his friendship.

* * *

 Kent let out a sigh of relief as the end of the day came to a close. All day, he had been dreading the fallout from the previous night. Plus, he was dead tired of fielding the numerous inquiries that bombarded him about why he left the boss's office in anger. Fortunately, Chandler had been occupied with other pressing matters and either stayed in his office or was out following leads. Since Kent had not been summoned, he figured he was in the clear and the matter had been swept under the rug.

Kent had been about 10 minutes away after leaving the station when he realized that he forgot his cell phone and had to go back and retrieve it. In his rush to leave, he had left it on his desk. He hoped that he wouldn't run into the DI when he got there. Kent was in no mood to go another round with him. He wasn't surprised to see the light still on in Chandler's office since he was usually the last one to leave, but what startled him was seeing the boss drinking heavily. More than half a bottle of vodka had been copiously devoured and there was another one on his desk waiting. His hair was unruly as if he had run his hands through them in frustration.

He approached Chandler slowly and uncertainly. "Are you all right, sir?"

Chandler's face lit up in drunken joy as he got up and slapped Kent on the shoulder as if they had been best mates. This was not his usual form of self-medication to deal with keeping his obsessive compulsive disorder at bay. He was completely and utterly plastered.

"Kent! How nice of you to join me," he slurred through an alcohol fueled haze. "Come in, come in. My door is always open."

"Are you drunk?" he asked point-blank.

"Drunk? Of course, not. If I were drunk, I'd be sane," he replied, laughing hysterically at his own joke and taking another swig from the bottle.

Kent frowned in concern. He had never seen Chandler in this condition and it made him uneasy. "I think you should go home and get some rest," Kent said, carefully prying the bottle from Chandler's hands.

"Don't be such a spoilsport. I'm just having a good time. That's your problem, Kent. You need to learn how to loosen up."

"Please sir, don't do this to yourself. Let me take you home. You shouldn't be driving in this condition."

Chandler put his arms around Kent's shoulders, leaning heavily on him.

"Poor, put-upon Kent. You're always getting the short end of the stick, aren't you? Do you know why I'm drinking?"

Kent shook his head negatively.

"So I don't have to feel anymore. But it's not working, so I'm gonna keep drinking until I do. Do you see this?" Chandler asked pulling on the rubber band hanging from his wrist. "She gave it to me before she died. She said whenever I felt like I was losing control to use it."

He angrily pulled off the rubber band and wrenched the bottle from Kent's hand, hurling it against the side wall with such extreme force that it shattered. He then took the remaining bottle by the neck and smashed it against the desk. Kent winced as broken glass and vodka scattered everywhere.

"It's all junk," replied a despondent Chandler as he let the remains of the broken bottle drop to the floor from his fingers. "Nothing but worthless junk."

"Give me the keys to your car. I'll take you home."

He couldn't leave him alone in this condition. If he took Chandler home, he would be able to keep an eye on him in case he decided to continue his drinking binge. He also wanted to protect his superior's reputation by keeping tonight's unfortunate event under wraps.

"What's the point? I'll just end up drinking there."

"I won't let you do this to yourself. I won't allow you to self-destruct. I care too much to let that happen."

Chandler leaned on Kent's shoulder with one arm and patted his face gently.

"That's your problem, Kent. You do care. And you shouldn't. At least not for me. I'm a lost cause."

"Fortunately, I have a thing for lost causes," he replied softly and maneuvered their positions so that he was supporting Chandler with one arm over his shoulders, and wrapped his other arm around the DI's waist. Kent was able to help him out to his car through the back entrance. Fortunately, the DI fell asleep during the car ride to his apartment, much to Kent's relief.

When they arrived at Chandler's apartment, Kent stared in awe. Everything was absolutely immaculate. He realized now that Chandler's penchant for order and cleanliness at work was a direct reflection of his home and not just some personal whim at work. He went to the nearest bedroom and managed to get Chandler to his bed without any protest from the completely unconscious DI.

Chandler rolled over onto his back with his palms resting on either side of this head, still unconscious. Kent regarded him momentarily. He had a feeling that the boss would be none too happy to discover that he had slept on his clean sheets with his street clothes on. Kent removed Chandler's blazer, tie, and shoes and stopped short, contemplating if he should go further. With a nervous gulp, he started to unbutton Chandler's dress shirt. His fingers trembled with trepidation as he tried to keep his gaze averted. He couldn't help but feel the warmth of the other man's skin beneath his fingers as he exposed his bare flesh. Kent hated to think of the boss's reaction if he woke up to see him removing the rest of his clothing. He didn't dare go any further for both of their sakes.

Kent placed the bedding over Chandler's body and made sure he was breathing normally before taking his leave. In a moment of weakness and curiosity, he touched Chandler's cheek with the back of his fingers, knowing that he might never get the opportunity again. His skin felt slightly abrasive from the growth of stubble, but Kent didn't mind. He suddenly recoiled in horror when the still sleeping man turned towards him and let his cheek nuzzle against Kent's fingers briefly. Kent fled the room and leaned against the door once he was outside, his heart pounding thunderously against his chest.

The sudden pealing of his cell phone brought him back to reality.

"Emerson, where are you? I've been calling for half an hour. You're late for supper."

"I'm sorry. My phone was turned off until a few minutes ago. An emergency suddenly came up and I got delayed."

"Is everything alright?"

"I'm not too sure," he replied cryptically. "Anyway, it looks like I won't be coming home tonight."

"Oh really?" she asked in a very suggestive tone of voice.

"Get your mind out of the gutter. My boss isn't feeling well so I'm staying to make sure he's all right."

"You mean the same boss that you've got a crush on? Emerson, I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"I'm not going to take advantage of him," Kent responded hotly. "What do you take me for?"

"Take it easy. Isn't this more than your job's worth?"

"He may need me," Kent answered softly.

"I just hope you know what you're doing," Danni replied worriedly.

"So do I. By the way, how did your day go? Have you experienced any new panic attacks?"

"None whatsoever. I guess that means you're not the culprit after all."

"It's only been a few days. Give it a little more time. Anyways, I'm glad that you're at least getting some rest in the meantime."

"What do you mean, rest? Worrying about you has become a full time job for me."

Kent smiled on the other side of the line.

"Have I told you how grateful I am that you're here?"

"Go on. I'm listening," Danni joked, making him chuckle.

"Goodnight Danni."

"Goodnight Emmy. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Danni clutched her chest in pain as the panic attack she had been experiencing during their phone call subsided. It had taken every ounce of self-control to keep her labored breathing from showing. She hated lying to such a good friend like Emerson, but she just couldn't admit to herself that he was the cause of her anxiety attacks. Not when he was obviously in love with his supervisor. Danni smiled wryly to herself as she felt pity for DI Chandler for having someone who cared for him the way Emerson did and he didn't even know it. Then again, she would have had to join that club herself.

* * *

Kent decided to take a tour around the apartment since he had nothing else to do. The boss certainly had expensive taste, that's for sure. Then again, he could well afford it. But he wasn't snobby or pompous about his well-to-do background. As Kent walked from room to room, he almost felt out of place here in Chandler's private sanctuary. Even after all this time, he didn't know any more about the boss than when he first took over their department. It wasn't that Chandler was anti-social by any means, but he was definitely reserved and kept his personal life very close to the vest. He often wondered if Chandler just didn't know how to reach out to others when it came to relationships.

Kent stopped in his tracks as he came across one particular picture one of the dresser bureaus. It was a picture of a very young child sitting alone on a bench in a garden. He couldn't have been more than five years old. There was no mistaking that it was indeed DI Chandler. There was just something about the lonely and soulful expression in the eyes of that little boy that touched Kent's heart. It made him wonder what kind of childhood Chandler had.

The rumbling of his stomach, reminded Kent that there were other urgent matters that required his attention. It was long past supper time. As he scanned the refrigerator, he found enough ingredients to make something for himself and for Chandler. That is, if the boss would be able to keep anything down. He would be shocked if the DI didn't have a humongous hangover tomorrow. Hopefully he wouldn't mind him pilfering some food from the fridge. Knowing the boss, he would know if something was out of place.

Afterward a satisfying supper, Kent sifted through the seemingly endless number of channels on the flat screen TV until he could take no more and decided to turn in early since there was little else he could do. He took off his coat and tie and tried to get as comfortable as possible as he settled down for the night. As he lay on the settee, he looked over to the closed bedroom door where the man he was hopelessly in love with was sleeping soundly. As Kent eventually drifted off to sleep, he wondered what the next day would bring. And did he really want to know.

_To Be Continued_


	4. A New Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys have an honest talk with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 28Mar2013 on Fanfiction.net

Chandler blinked several times as he slowly woke up from his drunken stupor. He realized he was in his own bed, but how did he get here? As he rolled onto to his back, his head throbbed painfully as a result of the sudden movement, reminding him of the perils of too much alcohol especially on an empty stomach. He slowly got up and picked up his cell phone. It was only 3 AM. He groaned, rubbing his temples gingerly. Would this night ever end? He was so drunk last night that he couldn't even remember how he got back to his apartment. He hoped he didn't do something he would regret.

Chandler emerged from his bedroom and was startled to find Kent, of all people, sleeping soundly on the settee in the living room. He vaguely remembered the young DC stopping by his office last night, but everything after that was a blur. His eyes wandered over to the kitchen where a plate of food was sitting on the table covered with plastic wrap. Kent had prepared an omelet for him, filled with mushrooms, scallions, and a sprinkling of cheese. It was light enough for him to stomach even after the night he had. Kent even cleaned the skillet afterwards, knowing Chandler's necessity for cleanliness and order, which he greatly appreciated.

He went to get an extra blanket and placed it over the still sleeping detective constable to keep him warm. Chandler couldn't help, but smile at the scene before him. Kent had his right hand curled against his cheek and the other hand was tucked slightly underneath it like a child in deep slumber. His long dark eyelashes brushed against his cheeks as he slept. With his easy going temperament and almost childlike enthusiasm, it was no wonder Kent was easily the person most picked on in their department. But it was also one of his most endearing qualities that he wouldn't have changed for the world. And as he recently learned, underneath that sweet disposition lay a determined will of steel. When push came to shove, Kent was ready to push back when he had to.

A sense of comfort and gratitude came over Chandler when he realized that Kent had been the one to stop him from driving last night when he was in no condition to. He even stayed behind all night to make sure Chandler was looked after, despite the way he had treated him. Kent's sensitivity and thoughtfulness touched Chandler beyond words.

He truly felt humbled by Kent's actions. It went beyond the call of duty. If Kent was willing to go the distance for him, he realized that he couldn't keep jeopardizing his physical and mental health by continuing his drinking binges whenever he felt totally out of control like last night when he was at the end of his rope and just wanted to forget everything; even for just a while. That realization seemed to snap Chandler out of his mental and emotional funk he had been in for the past three months. Miles was right. It was time to move on.

* * *

Kent shielded his eyes with his arm as the rays of the early morning sun slowly filtered into the room forcing him to wake up. He got up gingerly and winced as his stiff back muscles protested in pain. Although the settee was perfect for sitting, it was terrible as a mattress. He felt like he had slept on a bed of rocks.

"I wonder if he's awake yet." Kent thought to himself looking in the direction of Chandler's bedroom, after coming out of the bathroom.

It appeared that Chandler had been awake for some time since the plate of food Kent left for him was nowhere to be seen. He must have put the blanket over him some time in the night as well. The sound of running water could be heard coming from the other bathroom confirming his suspicion.

Kent swallowed nervously. The idea of his boss dressed in nothing but a robe brought some vivid images into his head which he pushed out immediately. Now was not the time to be fantasizing. Perhaps if he sneaked out now, he could make it back to his flat to change without having to face him. He knew the merciless ribbing he would get from the others about having a wild night if he came in to work in the same clothing as the day before.

Just as he was about to reach for the door to leave, Chandler came out impeccably dressed in a dark navy suit, with a crisp white shirt and baby blue tie, looking as professional as ever. Not a single hair was out of place. It wasn't fair. How could someone so attractive lack for confidence when it came to dating?

Chandler stifled a chuckle at the sight of Kent's reaction. He looked like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Going somewhere?" Chandler asked in amusement.

"I uh…I heard you were awake, sir."

"I have been for several hours. I hope I didn't disturb you."

"No. I just woke up. I was um…I was just on my way out. If I leave now, I can make it back to my flat and then back to the station on time."

"I didn't realize you were that eager to get away. Don't worry. I don't intend to start drinking this early in the morning."

"I didn't mean to imply…"

"Kidding. Obviously, I need to work on my joke skills."

Kent breathed a sigh of relief. What had come over the usually stoic and reserved detective inspector? He was pleasant and even joking. Was this the same man who had seemed to have lost hope just last night?

"You're looking better this morning, sir. Did you sleep all right?"

"Ironically, it's the most sleep I've had in quite a while. And other than a hangover, I'm none the worse for wear. But, I'm afraid I behaved deplorably last night. I owe a great debt to you for what you did. And what you prevented me from doing. Thank you, Kent."

"You don't have to thank me. Just doing my job. After all, we're a team aren't we?"

Chandler smiled at Kent. Even after everything Chandler put him through, Kent was still thinking of the team.

"You're right. We are," he replied softly.

"Does that…happen often?" Kent asked in genuine concern.

"Does what happen often?"

"Last night," Kent said tactfully.

There was an uncomfortable and awkward silence as Chandler contemplated whether or not to tell Kent about his neuroses. No one else, besides Miles, knew of his OCD issues, and he wasn't too keen on spreading the news. He had worked too hard to gain the trust and respect of his subordinates for them to start doubting his abilities again.

"I'm sorry, sir. I shouldn't have asked such a personal question. Just forget I said anything."

"I don't usually drink to get drunk, Kent. I do it because sometimes it's the only remedy that helps to control my obsessive compulsive disorder. If I drink just enough, I won't lose control."

Kent was touched that Chandler was letting him share in such a sensitive and personal matter. It showed just how much trust the boss had in him.

"How long have you had this condition?"

"I've always been this way for as long as I can remember. You've seen my preference for cleanliness and order around the office. That's just one of the manifestations. It's usually triggered when I'm under stress."

"Is it always as bad as last night's episode?"

"Sometimes. It happens when the stress gets too much for me. And as you witnessed first-hand, I don't always handle it very well. I reached a point where I just couldn't take it anymore and I just wanted to forget everything."

"We all have our limits and handle stress differently. You're only human."

"You're being generous considering the argument we had the other day."

Kent looked away uncomfortably as he was reminded of his rather sharp comments towards Chandler the other day. Yes, he had been angry and hurt, but more so because of his jealousy over Chandler's preferential treatment of Morgan. Kent couldn't very well admit it out loud to the DI.

"I don't know what came over me, sir."

"You don't have to apologize for being honest with your feelings, Kent. After all, I did ask you to be up front with me."

"Did you really mean it when you said that you didn't blame me for what happened to Morgan?"

"Why wouldn't I mean it?"

"I'm sure we both said things in the heat of the moment."

"I don't blame you for what happened, Kent. I never did. And I'm sorry for the way I behaved towards you. You didn't deserve to be treated that way."

"I'm sorry as well," Kent replied, trying to meet him halfway. "I was a little too direct."

"That's all right. I know you didn't mean it."

"Oh, I meant every word. I just could have said it in a nicer way."

Chandler burst out laughing. It was uncanny how Kent could soothe his nerves. He wasn't even trying and he somehow managed to get the rather stoic detective inspector to laugh in a way that he hadn't for a very long time. The corner of Kent's mouth twitched in amusement as well. He couldn't help it. Whenever Chandler smiled, it was infectious.

"For a moment there, I was worried that you were really going to leave us," Chandler said after regaining his composure. "Do you still feel that way, Kent?"

Chandler was surprised to discover that he was more anxious that he thought he would be as he waited for Kent's response. It never crossed his mind until now what he would do without the ever steadying presence of Kent if he left.

"Oh that. I was just speaking out of anger. I couldn't leave you…or the department," Kent added quickly.

"You were right, you know. You have every right to speak your mind without me jumping down your throat. I should have listened and had more faith in you. You think I would have learned my lesson by now."

"Sir, I never meant to attack you personally when I told you my theory," Kent replied quietly. "I just wanted to protect you."

"I know that…now. Will you promise me something, Kent?"

"Your secret is safe with me. I wouldn't even think of telling anyone what happened last night."

"No, that's not it. I want you to promise me that you'll come to me if anything is bothering you. I don't want there to be any more misunderstandings between us. And I don't want us to argue like that ever again."

"Even if it may upset you?"

"Even then. Kent, whether you know it or not, you are very important to me."

Kent bent his head low so that Chandler couldn't see the raw emotion in his eyes. It took him a few seconds to gather his composure.

"I will keep my promise if you can promise me something as well."

"What it is it?"

He looked directly into Chandler's blue eyes.

"Whenever you're feeling like the way you were like last night, I want you to lean on me for support. I don't like seeing you in that condition, sir."

"It's pitiful, isn't it? To have a DI with so many failings," Chandler replied wryly.

"No! That's not what I meant at all. I hated seeing that you felt there was no one you could go to in your time of need. And that you had to bear all of your burdens on your own."

"I don't need a nanny, Kent. Miles already acts like one."

"No, you don't. But you do need a friend. Believe it or not, I can be a good friend."

Chandler regarded the young detective constable for a moment. He was so earnest in his plea. So honest.

"Are we friends?"

"I like to think we are."

"If I was a good friend, I wouldn't have treated you the way that I did."

"And if I wasn't a good friend, I would have left you on your own," Kent replied softly. "I wasn't about to let that happen."

"Friends, huh? You know, I felt horrible after you left when we argued."

"That's the first time we've ever fought," Kent replied softly. "If it's any consolation, it bothered me too."

"I've learned something about myself that I'm not proud of, Kent. I've learned that I can't handle criticism very well. But I can admit when I'm wrong. Will you accept my apology?"

Chandler extended his hand out to him as a peace offering, which Kent gladly accepted as he clasped his hand in a firm shake.

"Kent, what happened to your hand?" Chandler asked worriedly when he saw that it was wrapped in gauze bandages.

"It's nothing," Kent protested, trying to pull his hand away, but the other man reached out and gently, but firmly caught his wrist to have a closer look.

"This isn't 'nothing'. Tell me what happened. Did I do that to you?" Chandler asked in concern.

"Not on purpose. It happened after you smashed one of the vodka bottles in a fit of anger. When the glass broke, some of the shards scattered and cut my hand when I tried to shield myself from the debris."

"Why didn't you go to hospital to get it checked out? There still might be bits of glass still in there."

"You know how I hate hospitals. Besides, I found your first aid kit and patched it up. It's as good as new."

"Let me be the judge of that," Chandler insisted gently, keeping Kent's hand still while he removed the bandages. It took every ounce of self-control not to flinch as Chandler's strong but surprisingly soft hands tended to his wounds. His gentle touch sent alarm signals screaming through Kent's brain as he somehow managed to keep still.

"Fortunately, you seemed to have cleaned out all of the glass and there doesn't seem to be any signs of infection. I think you should get it looked at, just to be sure."

"Is that an order?"

"Yes, it is. You wouldn't want it to get infected, would you?"

"No, sir," Kent replied reluctantly. He knew from the tone of Chandler's voice that he was serious.

Kent was able to breathe a sigh of relief when Chandler finally let go of his hand after wrapping some clean bandages around it again and went to immediately wash his hands afterwards.

"Well, I really should be leaving if I want to stop off at my place to change. I'll see you at the station," he said making a beeline for the front door. Unfortunately, fate was not going to allow Kent to have his way today.

"Let me give you a lift. It's the least I can do considering what you did for me last night," Chandler said reappearing from the bathroom.

"I don't want you to go to any trouble."

"Nonsense. It will be much faster if I drive you. Besides, didn't you leave your Vespa at the station?"

It was no use. If Kent made any more excuses, it would have made Chandler suspicious of his motives.

"Let's hope it's still there," the younger man replied in defeat.

Riding together with Chandler wasn't the reason why he was so anxious. He was more worried about what Danni would say when she met Chandler face to face.

_To Be Continued_


	5. Drawing the Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danni meets Chandler for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on 04Apr2013 on Fanfiction.net

"Danni? I'm home," Kent called out as he entered his flat. "Where are you?"

"Be right there," Danni answered from the kitchen. "You're just in time for breakfast."

Kent was more than a little nervous. Rather, he was terrified of what Danni would say.

"You know, this is the first time I've ever been to your home in all the time we've worked together," Chandler commented.

"I'm sure it's not up to your standards."

"On the contrary, I find it quaint and very cozy."

Kent smiled in bashful pride. Chandler's influence of tidying up seemed to have spilled over to the domestic side of Kent's home life as well; much to the consternation of his other flat mates.

"I wasn't expecting you home so soon, Emmy," she commented as she walked in from the kitchen. "I figured you'd be relishing the thought of …"

"Danni, there's someone I would like you to meet," Kent interrupted her before all hell broke loose.

The small blonde quickly caught on to the situation and recovered quickly, while Chandler gave Kent an amused look.

"Emmy?" he commented in surprise, trying to keep from laughing.

Kent tilted his head slightly and gave a helpless shrug of the shoulders.

"This is Detective Inspector Joseph Chandler, my supervisor. Sir, I'd like you to meet my friend Danielle Walker."

"Very pleased to make your acquaintance Miss Walker.

"Likewise. You'll have to excuse my appearance. I wasn't expecting company," she replied giving Kent a look that shot daggers. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail, she had no makeup on, and was dressed in some faded pajamas. She was more than a little annoyed. He could have at least texted her on his way back to warn her that he was coming with a guest. And not just any guest.

Her annoyance wasn't missed by Chandler who smiled politely.

"No need to apologize."

"Well, I'm sure Danni will take good care of you," Kent said, making a quick escape to shower and change.

There was a moment of awkwardness as the two strangers looked for something to talk about.

"Can I offer you some breakfast? I just made coffee and batch of pancakes. Or would you prefer some tea?"

"Just coffee would be fine, thank you."

"The kitchen is this way," she replied walking ahead of him.

As she got the coffee, she took a surreptitious glance at Chandler as he sat in the alcove. He was attractive enough, she surmised neutrally. Not exactly model type handsome, but there was something about his eyes and also with the way he carried himself. She couldn't fault Emerson for being attracted to him.

"So, have you and Kent been dating for a long time?"

"Emerson and I are just friends," she corrected him curtly, placing the cup of coffee in front of him.

"I beg your pardon."

"Would it bother you if we were more than friends?" she asked slyly.

"Why should it? Kent's personal life is none of my business, unless it affects his work."

"I care about Emerson very much and I don't want to see him to get hurt."

She was making more than just a statement of concern. It was a warning.

"What makes you think I would hurt him?" Chandler asked quizzically.

"I was just speaking in general terms. Emerson is a very trusting and obliging person. He's also very sensitive and would be an easy target for someone to take advantage of him."

"Why do I get the feeling that you don't like me very much, Miss Walker?"

"We've only just met DI Chandler. I haven't known you long enough to like or dislike you."

"But you seem to have already formed a rather negative opinion of me. If you hadn't mentioned that you and Kent were friends, I would have sworn that you fancied him."

"How rude. Do you always make snap judgments about people you just met?" she replied angrily.

"Isn't that what you just did?" he shot back. "And no, I don't always make snap judgments at first sight. But it's part of my job to discern fact from fiction. I've always believed in seeking the truth, no matter what the situation."

"And what, pray tell, can you tell about me?" she retorted.

"You care about Kent very much. That much is evident. But you're also very protective to the point of being territorial. I find that unusual for someone claims to be just a friend."

"So you're a psychologist now as well?" she scoffed sarcastically.

"It wasn't hard to deduce. People often give away subconscious signals, especially if they are enamored of someone."

Danni wanted to laugh out loud. How could he not see that Emerson cared for him? Either DI Chandler was playing hard to get, or this man really was oblivious to Emerson's feelings. She decided to try another approach.

"I apologize if I seem a little over protective. Emerson is very important to me."

"He's important to me as well," Chandler replied softly. "At least we both agree on that."

"You see, back in our college days, I was always looking out for him because he was so trusting of people. Needless to say, he was taken advantage of more than once because of his generous nature. But now that I'm working overseas, there's no one here to keep an eye on him and I can't help but worry."

"You're working overseas? I was under the impression that you were living together."

"Maybe next time you won't make snap judgments at first sight," she replied smiling sweetly.

"Touché."

"I'm visiting for a while and Emerson was nice enough to put me up during my stay."

"It sounds like you two are very close."

"I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for Emerson. You know, when he first told me that he was going to join the police, I was afraid he wouldn't make it."

Chandler hid his surprise at this bit of information. He didn't know why, but there was something that did not sit right with him. He couldn't quite put his finger on it. Was it because Danni knew so much more about Kent than he did? It rudely woke him up to the fact that he really didn't know anything much of Kent outside of work.

"Don't you have faith in him?"

"Of course I do. But you have to admit that his temperament doesn't exactly fit the profile of a police officer."

"Rest assured Kent is a very competent and dedicated detective. And he's more than capable of looking after himself. But if it will give you peace of mind, I'll keep my eye on him for you."

Danni gave a look of genuine surprise. "Would you really do that?"

"Of course."

"Thank you. Oh, and please don't tell Emerson about this. He'll think I'm just being a busy body."

"Your secret is safe with me."

She smiled with gratitude. At least she would feel better knowing that someone else was watching out for Emerson.

"Can I…ask you a personal question?" he asked a little awkwardly.

"What is it?"

"Since you and Kent seem to be very close, why didn't you two ever date?"

Danni was quite surprised. He didn't come across as being particularly nosy. He was actually curious as though he had never encountered a situation like this before.

"Sometimes it takes more than just closeness and familiarity for two people to be in a romantic relationship. There has to be that intangible, undeniable chemistry that brings them together. And as that old saying goes, it takes two to tango. It's corny, but true."

"Do you believe that love can happen more than once in a person's life?"

Chandler mentally kicked himself for asking such a question. Did he actually ask a perfect stranger, let alone a woman, advice about love and romance? He didn't even know why he was asking her.

Danni smiled gently, as her opinion of the detective inspector changed when she saw how uncomfortable Chandler became. There was an undeniable vulnerability about the DI that was hidden by the mask of authority he wore. She could now see how Emerson gravitated towards him. It also didn't hurt that Chandler wasn't hard on the eyes either. If only he would open his heart and mind, he could see that what he wanted was within his grasp. He just had to look a little closer. If she couldn't have Emerson's heart, the least she could do was to help any way she could, if only for his sake.

"I truly believe that there is someone for everyone. Sometimes they're so close you don't even realize they're right in front of you."

As if on cue, Kent walked in fresh from showering and changing into a dark grey suit, with a pale lavender dress shirt and a dark purple tie. His untamable jet-black curly hair was still slightly damp as the ends curled against his forehead. The darkness of the suit complemented his soft brown eyes and fair complexion.

"So, did I miss anything?" he asked oblivious to the conversation he just walked into.

"We were just chatting. You're looking very handsome, Emerson. Don't you think so, DI Chandler?" Danni asked, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

Kent wanted to die of humiliation. Tact wasn't exactly a trait that Danni possessed.

"You look nice," Chandler replied, agreeing with her.

Kent gave his boss a rather surprised look, who never commented on his appearance before.

"Thank you," he replied awkwardly.

"It was nice meeting you Miss Walker. Thank you for the coffee. We better start heading off, Kent."

"I'll be down in a minute, sir."

"So, do I have anything to worry about?" he asked Danni once they were alone.

"Whatever do you mean?"

"I know you, Danni. Out with it."

"All he did was ask me some questions and I answered them. Simple as that. You don't have to worry your pretty little head."

"You'll have to forgive me if I'm having a hard time believing you."

"I didn't tell him anything he didn't need to know. Satisfied?"

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank heaven for small favors. I'll see you later tonight."

"Be safe," she said as he headed towards the door. "Oh, and Emerson?"

"Yes?"

"Don't be surprised if DI Chandler starts paying more attention to you from now on," Danni replied, smiling a satisfied grin.

* * *

"I don't know what you said to DI Chandler, but whatever it was, thank you," Kent said giving Danni a big hug a few days later.

"I take it something good happened?"

"He's like a new person. I can't believe it."

The atmosphere had changed dramatically between Kent and Chandler ever since they both aired out their differences and had come to a mutual understanding. Their once tenuous relationship was back to the way it once was before their confrontation. If anything, it was now stronger than ever. In fact, the DI seemed to take a keen interest in Kent's personal life, which was unusual because the only person he really interacted with during non-working hours was DS Miles. It didn't matter to Kent. He cherished every moment they spent together even if it was more or less work related.

As for Chandler, he still dealt with his compulsive tendencies, but they did not occur as often, now that he was keeping a watchful eye over Kent, as he had promised. Because of his new responsibility, he didn't have as much opportunity to dwell on his OCD as opposed to when he was focused solely on himself. Chandler didn't consider it a responsibility by any means. He always felt better after talking to Kent when he was having a particularly stressful day. And when his OCD would manifest itself, Kent would always check up on Chandler if he saw him counting objects or if he came back from the loo after changing into a new dress shirt.

Truthfully, Chandler felt like a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Things were finally getting back to normal. And for him, normalcy was as essential to him as the air he breathed.

"I'm glad things are working out for you, Emmy," Danni replied, genuinely happy for her friend.

"It's all thanks to you. What do you say I take you out to lunch tomorrow? My treat."

"Well, as long as you asked so nicely. Plus, I never pass up the opportunity when you're paying."

* * *

"You got some action last night, didn't you?" Miles asked Chandler in his office, after they came back from interviewing some witnesses.

The usually composed detective inspector uncharacteristically spit out the green tea he had been quietly sipping and began coughing uncontrollably as he tried to keep the green liquid from staining the papers on his desk. The older detective sergeant had timed his question perfectly; and on purpose.

"I beg your pardon?" Chandler asked in complete confusion when he was able to regain the ability to talk again.

"You heard me. Why else would you be so happy?"

"Well I hate to burst your bubble, but that's not the reason. And that's a little too personal of a question isn't it?"

"Oh, so you admit that something's changed, then? I was wondering if you would ever snap out of it."

"I guess I have been acting mopey for the past few months, haven't I?" the DI asked with a chagrin.

"You had a legitimate reason. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad you're feeling better," Miles replied giving the DI a hearty slap on the back.

Chandler smiled. "Me too."

"Maybe now things will get back to normal."

Suddenly they heard a commotion coming from the outer office area.

"I wonder what's going on."

"Only one way to find out," Miles said as they both left the DI's office.

A majority of the staff were gathered in the center of the incident room curiously looking out towards the lobby where Danni was waiting for Kent to show up for their lunch date. Kent came down the staircase and gave his friend a warm hug causing the room to erupt in immediate chatter and speculation about their relationship.

"Who knew the lad was such a ladies' man? He's got himself quite a catch," Miles commented in approval.

"They're just friends," Chandler corrected him immediately.

"How do you know?"

"I just do," he replied curtly.

Miles regarded his boss with curious interest.

* * *

"I think we attracted an audience," Danni said pointing her gaze towards the incident room over Kent's shoulder.

He turned around and groaned in dismay as he saw that almost everyone in the group practically had their faces pressed up against the glass doors. Lately, it felt like he was a magnet for gossip. It was just his luck.

"Maybe we should have met up at the restaurant after all."

Danni giggled. "Too late for that now. Well, as long as we have an audience, why don't we give them a show?"

"What are you…?" Kent asked, but wasn't able to complete his sentence.

She reached up and grabbed him by the nape of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss.

Since Kent's back was facing the incident room, he couldn't see everyone's reaction including a certain detective inspector who suddenly felt very uncomfortable at the scene unfolding before him.

_To Be Continued_


	6. Endings and Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How will Chandler react to seeing Kent kiss Danni?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 07Apr2013 on Fanfiction.net

"I'm telling you, I bet they're shagging," Mansell said making a suggestive gesture which prompted Riley to slap him across the back of the head.

"Don't be daft. That wasn't a lovers' kiss. Can't you even tell the difference after 2 divorces?"

"Hey, I didn't see Kent complaining."

"I wouldn't be complaining either if I was seeing a bird like that," Miles said, joining the gossip session.

"It's kind of hard to complain when you're trying to come up for air. In case you didn't notice, she was the one doing the kissing."

"That kid has been holding out on us. I didn't even know he was seeing anyone."

"Yeah, wouldn't you know it? It's always the quiet ones that usually have the most fun in bed. It's like they let go of all their inhibitions."

"Do you all think you could get back to work, now that the show is over?" Chandler asked sarcastically, annoyed that his group had continued their gossip session long after Kent and Danni left.

Chandler closed the door extra loud to emphasize that he was not pleased at the moment, but not for the reasons thought by everyone.

"What's his problem?" Mansell asked pointing towards the DI's office with his thumb.

"Who knows? He was fine a moment ago. Maybe's he's got something else on his mind."

"Or it's that time of the month," Riley quipped, causing them to burst out laughing.

* * *

Chandler had been reading the same sentence on a historical case file for the tenth time before he gave up altogether. He hadn't been able to get any work done all afternoon, no thanks to that little display of affection he had been forced to witness earlier on. Chandler was damned if he knew why the sight of someone kissing his detective constable bothered him so much. The truth of the matter was that he didn't like the thought of Kent's affections being showered on anyone else. It was exactly the same feeling he had experienced back at Kent's flat when he first met Danni and he being uncomfortable with the idea that she knew so much more about his detective constable than he did.

Chandler looked out at the office area and couldn't help but zero in on Kent sitting at his desk, since he was right in front of him. He was hunched over his computer checking on new alert statuses and had his eyes glued to the monitor, his lips pursed in deep concentration. As his fingers flew over the keyboard, Chandler never noticed how long and tapered they were until that moment. He could remember with vivid clarity how soft Kent's hand had felt in his when he had checked on his wounds back at his flat. He was no longer wearing the bandages on his hand; the cuts no more than faint scratches now, but Chandler remembered with remorse how he had advertently caused those wounds in the first place. How was it that he was always managing to hurt those closest to him?

The DI leaned forward on his desk and covered his face with his hands. There was only one logical reason why he was reacting this way, but he was too stubborn to admit it, even to himself. It was impossible. He wasn't interested in men. But it wasn't just any man that happened to be occupying his thoughts lately. It was his youngest detective constable who was not only beginning to occupy his thoughts, but also a place in his heart as well.

He had always felt a special connection with Kent, but never in the past 3 years did he ever once consider that he felt anything more than affection for him; as any mentor would for his protégé. No. He was not interested in him that way. He just couldn't be. Besides, what kind of example would he be setting if he allowed himself to fraternize with a subordinate in a romantic relationship? Would Kent even be open to the idea?

Chandler suddenly shook his head vigorously to rid himself of the preposterous notion.

"I'm getting too old for this," he said aloud to himself.

The sudden rapping on his door brought him out of his self-introspection.

"Come in."

Kent entered the office warily. In the middle of all the craziness of what happened earlier on, he didn't have a chance to see what the boss' reaction had been. And he didn't dare ask anyone for that matter. After what Danni did, it probably didn't increase his chances of getting noticed by Chandler in the way he had hoped. Kent thought she was just being her usual capricious self, but part of him couldn't help wonder if there had been more behind that staged kiss.

"I hope I'm not interrupting you, sir."

Chandler was beginning to recognize that wary look on Kent's face. "I'm not mad at you, Kent. There's no need to be on edge," he replied softly, putting the DC immediately at ease.

Kent breathed a sigh of relief.

"I…um, I know it's a few days late, but I wanted to give you this," he replied, taking out a small box covered in brown wrapping paper from his breast pocket and placing it in front of the surprised DI on his desk.

"What's this for?"

"I believe giving a gift is appropriate for one's birthday. Friends have been known to do that."

Chandler was never one to want to attract attention so he had kept quiet and let his birthday pass by unnoticed. He had his own private celebration which was done with very little fanfare, not wanting to be reminded that he was getting older. He was so stunned that Kent would go through the trouble of getting him a present that he sat there for a few moments in silence staring at the wrapped package.

"You didn't have to do this."

"I know. Happy Birthday, sir," Kent said smiling at him and left before Chandler could protest any further.

When he finally opened the package, a beautiful set of silver-tone oval cufflinks with his initials engraved on the surface stared back at him from its velvet cushion. He had to admit that Kent had excellent taste. He certainly was not making it any easier for Chandler to ignore him.

* * *

"Danni, we need to talk," Kent said in a gentle, but firm voice.

"Uh-oh. What did I do now?"

"Was there any particular reason for that over-the-top display of affection yesterday?"

"I was just having fun. You know that."

"I also know that your fiancé probably wouldn't have approved of that spectacle."

Danni was shocked that Kent knew about the secret she had been keeping from him.

"How did you find out about that?"

"Max called earlier. He was looking for you and called here since you weren't answering your phone. Why didn't tell me that you were engaged?"

"I didn't think it mattered," she replied quietly.

"Didn't matter?" he parroted angrily. "Doesn't it matter that you've been lying to me for the past 2 weeks? What kind of games are you playing with me?"

"It has never been a game, Emerson."

Kent's anger evaporated as quickly as it came.

"I think it's time you leveled with me."

She sighed in defeat. There was no use trying to deny it. Emerson deserved to hear the truth.

"The part about me having the panic attacks is true. I really thought you were causing them, especially since they haven't stopped since I've been here."

"So you were lying when I asked you about it, the night that I stayed at DI Chandler's flat," he recalled when he had asked her point blank.

"Yes," she admitted reluctantly.

"Why didn't you say anything?" he demanded.

"Because I knew how you felt about DI Chandler. When I saw how much you were in love with him, I decided to keep silent. I didn't want you to know that I cared about you as well."

"I know you care for me Danni, but you're not in love with me. You wouldn't have helped me with the DI if you were."

"Don't play the detective with me Emerson," she replied defensively. "And I resent you telling me how I feel. I think I know my own feelings."

"You forget that I know you like a book. And whenever you're in a crisis, you run away and avoid the problem instead of staying and working it out. You did it back in college and you're doing it all over again."

"All right, Mr. Hot Shot detective constable. Tell me why you're not the one triggering my panic attacks if you're such an authority on how I feel?"

"I didn't say that I wasn't triggering them. The truth is I think you're afraid of committing to your fiancé because for the first time in your life you're really in love. You came back home and convinced yourself that you were in love me to avoid having to deal with the real issue. You thought you could use me as your safety net. But when I told you how I felt about DI Chandler, you had nothing left to hold on to. That's why your panic attacks continued. And you've been staying with me ever since because you're running away from what's waiting for you back home. Danni, you can't keep using me as a fallback plan when things go wrong. I'm not a crutch for your insecurities. It's not fair to your fiancé…and it's not fair to me."

Danni turned away from him. She fought back tears as Kent forced her to come to terms with her situation.

Kent came over and turned her around to face him.

"Don't you think it's time you stopped running?"

"DI Chandler was right. You ARE a good detective," she said quietly. "So what am I supposed to do now?"

"You're the only one that can answer that. I can't make that decision for you."

The petite blond nodded her head silently in agreement. Kent squeezed her shoulders reassuringly.

"Everything will be all right. You'll see. I have to go now. That is, unless you want me to stay with you?" he asked uncertainly.

She shook her head from side to side declining his offer. "I plan to have a long talk with a certain fiancé. But thanks anyway."

He nodded his head before taking his leave.

"Emmy?" she called out to him as he was about to open the door. "That kiss yesterday. It wasn't just for fun and games."

Kent looked at her in confusion. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

"You will," she answered cryptically.

* * *

Kent leaned back against the brick wall in the back of the police station courtyard and sighed deeply. It was not in his nature to deny someone help when they needed it especially when it was his friend, but he was feeling guilty for forcing Danni to face the truth. He knew it had been the right thing to do, but it didn't make him feel any better. Maybe Morgan was right when she said that him playing the part of the bad cop had been more of himself than he realized.

At the memory of the therapist, Kent wrapped his arms tightly around himself. He knew that Chandler would never get over her and Kent didn't expect him to. But did he have enough room left in his heart? Would Chandler ever allow himself to care for someone again?

Kent jumped when he heard his phone ring and answered immediately.

"This is Kent."

"Detective Constable Kent, there's someone here to see you," said the clerk at the front desk.

"Thank you. I'll be right there," he said as he made his way across the courtyard.

"Danni, what are you doing here? Is everything all right?" Kent asked as he met her outside the front entrance of the building.

"I just came to say goodbye. You were absolutely right, Emerson. I can't keep hiding and I can't keep depending on you."

"So, you're going back to New York?"

"I was on my way to Heathrow, but I wanted to stop by and say goodbye."

"You know, you don't have to leave right away," he replied feeling guilty for having to be the bad guy.

"Yes I do. Besides, you don't need me cramping your style."

"That's not true and you know it. Don't worry. I know everything will work out between you and Max. It's obvious to me that he loves you very much."

"I guess it took me a trip across the pond to realize that I'm lucky to have someone who still wants to be with me even after everything I put him through. It must be true love."

Kent sighed. In the short time that she was with him, he had forgotten how nice it was to have someone to confide in. There was only so much he could share with his own colleagues.

"It won't be the same without you here to nag me and turn my life upside down."

Danni smiled at him. She was going to miss Emerson like hell.

"You say the sweetest things," she replied drily.

"I…I wish things could have been different between us," Kent said softly, lowering his gaze to the ground. "I never wanted to hurt you."

Danni tipped his chin up with her thumb and forefinger.

"Don't you dare, Emerson Kent. I am NOT going to let you feel sorry for me. Everything happens for a reason. Isn't that what you used to always tell me?"

"You mean you actually listened to me? I am shocked."

Danni laughed good naturedly and Kent smiled, glad that their friendship was still intact.

"Are you sure you'll be ok?"

"I'll be more than ok. Thanks to you. Hey, and if you ever need me, I'm only a phone call away."

"Goodbye Danni," he said hugging her warmly.

"Goodbye Emmy. Be happy."

Kent stood at the curb for a while after Danni's cab pulled away, watching her disappear into the distance as he waved goodbye.

Unbeknownst to him, another pair of eyes was watching him from two floors above. Chandler felt his heart constrict painfully as he couldn't tear himself away. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides until his knuckles turned white. Chandler knew exactly why he was reacting this way. It was no use denying it any longer. He hadn't been jealous of Kent. It was Danni that was the object of his jealousy.

* * *

"Is something bothering you, sir?" Kent asked in concern later that day.

"I'm fine," he responded tersely. "Why do you ask?"

Kent looked him over suspiciously. Chandler was perfectly fine in the morning. Now all of a sudden he was in a most foul mood.

"I don't know. You seem a little preoccupied. It's not happening again, is it?" Kent asked, referring to Chandler's OCD.

Chandler's heart melted whenever he heard the concern reflected in Kent's voice. It was so earnest and filled with apprehension for him.

"No, it's under control," Chandler replied changing to a softer tone. "What can I do for you?"

Kent seemed to accept his explanation at face value and handed him an envelope. The DI made sure his fingers didn't touch Kent's as he accepted it.

"It's from Danni. She stopped by earlier to say goodbye and asked me to give this to you personally before she left."

"She's leaving?" Chandler asked in complete surprise.

"Well it wasn't like she wasn't going to stay with me forever. And besides, I think she missed her fiancé."

"Oh," he replied lamely. Chandler didn't know exactly how to respond at this bit of news. On one hand he was relieved that Danni was no longer a threat, but a tiny part of him wondered if Kent was still carrying a torch for her.

"Are you ok with this?" Chandler asked carefully.

"I'll miss her, but she made the right decision."

"I'm a little perplexed. I don't know why she would leave anything for me. We've only talked once."

"Why don't you open it and find out?" Kent suggested gently.

Chandler opened the letter and silently read its contents. It was short and to the point, but effective nonetheless.

_"DI Chandler,_

_Take good care of Emerson for me. He's all yours now._

_-Danni_

_P.S. He loves to be nibbled behind the ear."_

Chandler almost had a heart attack after reading the last line of Danni's letter. He would have fallen to the floor if he wasn't already sitting down.

"Are you all right, sir?" Kent asked, seeing how the letter had an obvious effect on the boss.

"What? Oh, right. I'm fine," Chandler replied, trying to keep his voice as normal as possible while quickly tucking the letter inside his blazer, before it fell into the wrong hands. "She just asked if I would look after you."

"I uh…I'm sure she meant well," Kent replied uncomfortably. Just what exactly did Danni write in her letter anyway? "Well, I'll be leaving now. Have a good evening."

Kent was almost out the door when Chandler did something that surprised even himself. He got up from his desk and took a step towards Kent.

"Kent, wait."

The detective constable closed the door behind him and looked at Chandler curiously. "Yes, sir?"

"Do you…do you have any plans tonight?" he asked nervously.

"Was there something you needed me to work on?"

"No, no. Not at all. Well…I thought…well, you know we've never really gotten to know each other…I mean outside of work and all that, and it might, well, it might be nice if…if we had dinner…or something like that. It doesn't have to be dinner. It could even be lunch."

"You mean, just the two of us?"

"Y-yes," Chandler stuttered. He mentally kicked himself for acting so impulsively. It hadn't even occurred to him that Kent might not be open to the idea of going out on a date with him.

Kent's heart raced with unbridled joy. What brought this on all of a sudden? What made it all the more memorable was Chandler being so adorably awkward about the whole thing.

"I'm sorry, but I already had plans tonight that I can't get out of."

"Oh, of course." Chandler replied, his voice reflecting obvious disappointment. "It was last minute after all. Maybe some other time then."

Chandler was about to walk back to his desk when Kent stopped him.

"But I'm free tomorrow night."

Chandler's expression lit up immediately in surprise.

"Really?"

"Really."

Kent had been waiting for this for a very long time. Wild horses wouldn't have kept him away.

"Well then, I'll let you know more details tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"One more thing Kent. When we're off duty, call me Joe."

"Yes, sir," Kent replied said smiling as he left his office, trying hard not show the spring in his step. He felt like he was walking on air.

Chandler breathed a huge sigh of relief. After reading Danni's letter, he had made up his mind on the spur of the moment to ask Kent out. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Other than a little nervousness, he was none the worse for wear. After all, Kent did accept his invitation. Maybe their date wouldn't be such an ordeal as well. It wasn't as if they were total strangers. And they were already friends. What was the worst thing that could happen?

He suddenly reached for his balm and dabbed the ointment to both sides of his temples, rubbing them furiously. Asking Kent out wasn't the part that scared him anymore. Another more daunting task waited for him. What in the world was he supposed to do on their date?

_To Be Continued_


	7. One Step at a Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandler and Kent's date! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 17Apr2013.

"Wonder where the boss is? He's usually here before any of us," Mansell commented as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

Kent furrowed his brow in concern. He hadn't wanted to mention it, but he too was worried about Chandler being absent.

"It's not like him to be so late," Kent replied in agreement. "Do you think something's happened to him?"

"You're beginning to sound like a girlfriend," Mansell teased, not knowing just how close he was to the truth.

"I'm just concerned. That's all," the younger DC retorted. "Anything wrong with that?"

"It looks like we were worried for nothing. Here he comes now."

Kent turned his head towards the entrance where Chandler entered, holding a handkerchief against his mouth, coughing several times. His eyes were watery and by the way he was coughing, he sounded very congested. In short, he did not look well at all.

"My apologies for being so late," the DI said in between coughs.

"You look terrible. Are you sure you should be here in your condition, sir?" Kent asked worriedly.

Chandler smiled and looked at Kent directly, making him uncomfortable under his scrutiny.

"I made a promise that I intend to keep," he answered and headed towards his office.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Kent demanded as he barged into Chandler's office unannounced.

"Working. Is there a problem?" he replied nonchalantly.

"You should be at home resting. DS Miles can take care of things while you're out."

"But what about tonight? You were looking forward to it. And I didn't want to disappoint you."

It was then that Kent noticed how tired Chandler looked.

"You didn't stay up all night, did you?"

"Not all night. Just…half the night."

"Whatever for?"

"I was thinking about things to do and where to take you to dinner on our date tonight. I wanted it to be special."

Kent's anger quickly evaporated. "I'm very flattered, but I don't want you collapsing even before clocking off time. Face it. You're sick."

"I am NOT sick," Chandler replied adamantly. "It's just an allergy."

"In a pig's eye. Honestly, you're just being stubborn."

"Is that any way to talk to your superior?" Chandler replied half-teasingly before succumbing to another coughing fit.

"I rest my case. For my sake, will you please go home? Otherwise I'll pester you all day."

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would. And I can be very stubborn when my mind is set on something."

"You know, blackmail is very unbecoming. Especially on you."

"Oh, I wouldn't call it blackmail."

"What would you call it?"

"All right, so it is blackmail. But seriously, I can wait until you're feeling better. I'm not letting you off the hook that easily."

"You mean, you wouldn't be disappointed if I postponed it?"

"Well, it's not as if you deliberately got sick just to avoid our date. Did you?"

"Of course not," he replied, laughing at the almost semi-serious look on Kent's face. "I guess that means I'll have to cancel the serenading violins at dinner and the carriage ride through Hyde Park."

Kent's heart nearly leapt out of his chest. That was going a little too far for a first date and all.

"Tell me you didn't do that," he replied in a panicked voice.

"I'm only kidding," Chandler said, smiling. Kent was so open with his emotions. Chandler just couldn't resist. "Hey, I must be getting a better sense of humor."

Kent pouted slightly at being teased by his DI. He was used to getting teased from everyone else, but this was different. This was coming from the man he was in love with.

"I promise I'll leave after I finish up with this report."

"Good. And get some rest. That's an order," Kent said before leaving the office.

Chandler smiled to himself as he went back to work. It was probably just an irritation in his throat that would clear up in no time. Kent was being such a worrywart.

* * *

Chandler sneezed loudly as he fell back against the pillows, groaning in pain as his head throbbed. He hadn't felt this bad since his hangover a few weeks ago. On top of his coughing, he was stuffed up and sneezing every other minute. He was now officially in full sick mode.

"I hate being sick," he grumbled as he blew his nose for what seemed like the millionth time in the past few hours.

The doorbell suddenly rang and Chandler automatically sunk back against the pillows, hoping his visitor would give up and leave. No such luck as the ringing persisted, making him get up from his nice warm bed to go answer the door.

"Whoever it is, go away. There is no soliciting allowed in this building."

"But I come bearing gifts," a familiar voice answered from the other side.

Chandler immediately opened the door to find Kent smiling at him.

"Kent, what are you doing here? I thought we agreed to cancel our date tonight."

"Well if that's how you're going to greet me, I'll just leave. And after all the trouble I went through, too."

"Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that you're here. But aren't you afraid you'll catch my cold?"

"I couldn't let you fend for yourself when you're obviously not well. I figured you wouldn't be doing much cooking right now so I brought you some homemade chicken soup chock full of vegetables and protein to get you back on your feet in no time. My auntie swears by it. Do you feel up to eating?"

Chandler looked at Kent fondly. Just his being there was enough to make him feel better.

"If it's as good as the last meal that you cooked for me, I can't possibly resist."

"Flatterer. I'll just go heat it up. Go back to bed and I'll bring it to you."

"I'm glad you're not rubbing it in."

"What? You mean that I was right all along about you being sick? Why, I wouldn't dream of it." Kent just headed into the kitchen, smilingly knowingly.

* * *

"Here we are. All nice and hot for you. Oh, and I also made some ginger tea with honey and lemon. There's more soup in the pot and tea in the kettle as well."

"Thank you for everything. It looks wonderful. I just wish I could smell it. I'm sure my taste buds are all shot to hell."

Kent sympathized with his situation. Being sick was never fun.

"Do you want some company?"

Chandler gulped nervously. "What do you mean?"

Kent perched himself at the edge of the bed beside Chandler and leaned one hand against the mattress.

"Relax Joe. I'm not going to do anything to you. That will come much later."

The hunted look of panic that Chandler gave in response was enough to make Kent burst out laughing. That was almost too easy.

Chandler felt the corners of his mouth turn upward as well, as he realized that Kent was teasing him.

"Well I guess that makes us even. Truce?"

"Truce," Kent agreed.

"This is really good. Where did you learn how to cook?" Chandler asked after taking a couple of big spoonfuls of the hearty soup.

"During college. I ended up doing the cooking and Danni did the housework. It was a fair exchange for both of us."

"How progressive of you."

"Progressive nothing. It was either I learned to cook, or we starved. I mean Danni is great, but she can't cook to save her life. Ok, that's an exaggeration. But she hates to cook and eating out was a rare treat since neither of us had much money at the time. Even now, I'm the one that does most of the cooking at my flat."

"I guess I shouldn't be saying this, but she did mention to me that she was worried that you wouldn't make it when you first joined the police force. I've always wondered what made you want to join in the first place. Would you tell me?"

"Promise you won't laugh?" Kent asked uncertainly.

"I promise."

"I kind of did it as a dare to myself. You see, all my life people have looked at me and automatically thought that I was a wimp because of how I looked. I was more into books and studying than sports and dating. When I finished college, I wanted to prove to everyone, especially to myself that I could become a rough and tumble cop. You know, being the hero and catching the bad guys and all that rubbish. I guess I'm more suited to detective work than going head to head in a fist fight. Not like you did with Jimmy Kray. At least you weren't afraid."

Kent looked down at the floor as the memory of his brutal attack still haunted him from time to time. The scarred welts on his backside were a constant reminder of the dangers of their job.

"Everyone experiences fear. I hate to ruin your image of me, but I was afraid as well."

Kent looked up at him in surprise.

"Really? You didn't seem like it after coming back."

"Wouldn't you feel a little uneasy if you walked into a den of thieves and thugs possibly fighting for your life?"

"You're right. I would. Thank you for being honest with me."

Chandler always shivered whenever he remembered the day they had a received a call from the hospital telling them that Kent was injured on duty.

"Don't thank me, Kent. You wouldn't have gotten hurt if I hadn't sent you out alone."

"I was ambushed from behind. You couldn't have done anything."

"You know, it takes a strong person to go through what you did, both physically and mentally. Don't you ever let anyone tell you that you don't have what it takes. There's a strength in you that can't be measured by appearances."

"The same can be said for you as well," Kent replied astutely.

"What do you mean?"

"You're not like all the other detective inspectors. You get personally involved in the cases and you put your heart and soul into them. You actually care about the victims and your own staff. That's why you feel inadequate sometimes when things go wrong. When you can't save a victim, you start to doubt yourself and your ability to do the job. I'm sure the pressure you get from the head office doesn't help either. I know it hasn't always been easy for you since you took over the Whitechapel division. We didn't exactly roll out the welcome mat for you."

"YOU did," Chandler replied remembering how Kent got the chalk for him when no one else would at his first meeting with the staff during the Ripper Copycat murder case. "You were the only one that even paid attention to what I said."

"I had my reasons," Kent replied coyly making Chandler flush warmly, and not due to his illness.

To Chandler's horror, Kent suddenly leaned forward getting dangerously too close for comfort. Chandler pulled the sheets up to his chest and backed into the pillows against the headboard.

"Wha—what are you doing?" he asked in a panicked voice.

The younger man closed his eyes and placed his forehead against Chandler's forehead for a few seconds and then pulled away.

"Taking your temperature the old fashioned way. What did you think I was going to do?" Kent replied smiling at Chandler.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?" he accused.

"Not exactly. You don't have fever, but you're definitely warm. I'd better re-heat your ginger tea. I'm sure it's cooled down by now," Kent said taking the tray back into the kitchen.

Chandler breathed a sigh of relief as he attempted to regain his composure. He really thought that Kent was going to kiss him. He wasn't opposed to the idea, but he didn't know if he was ready yet. He yawned as the effects of the chicken soup were making him drowsy. When Kent returned, Chandler was almost asleep. He was about to leave when Chandler stopped him.

"I'm not sleeping."

"You could have fooled me. Why don't I go and let you rest?"

"I'm awake," he protested adamantly, willing his eyes to stay open.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Come here."

Kent placed the cup of ginger tea on the bedside table and sat down on the bed again.

"How are you feeling now?"

"Much better, thanks to you," Chandler replied smiling gently. "I'm glad you stopped by."

"If you recall, this isn't the only time I've been here."

"Well, at least I'm awake this time to appreciate it. Can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Why did you stay with me that night?"

"I told you. It was because you're my boss and we're part of a team."

"I doubt even Miles would have went as far as to stay the entire night. There has to be another reason."

Kent got up from the bed and turned away, wrapping his arms around himself. He was silent for a long time as he struggled with his decision whether or not to tell Chandler how he truly felt about him. Was now the right time?

"I've wanted to tell you this for a very long time, Joe. I meant to tell you, but I was afraid of how you would react. To tell you the truth, I wasn't sure if you would ever be interested in me. You're probably not ready to hear this, but the truth is, I lo…"

Kent suddenly heard gentle snoring coming from behind him. He whipped around and found Chandler fast asleep. He sighed resignedly. Had Chandler even heard a word he said? Fate had again stepped in and prevented him from doing what he wanted. Kent went over to the sleeping DI and brushed the blond tresses from his forehead and turned down the lights before leaving Chandler's flat.

Kent couldn't help but smile to himself as he settled down in his own bed later that night as he looked back on that fateful night he had kept Chandler from driving in his drunken state. Ever since then, it had been a whirlwind of emotions. Their relationship had been on the brink of collapse not too long ago. And now, very soon they would be going on their first real date. Life was funny sometimes.

* * *

Kent straightened his dark blue tie against the collar of his pale blue silk shirt and brushed off the stray bits of lint from his matching dark blue suit, which he bought especially for the occasion. He was looking very handsome as the custom-tailored suit hugged against his body line in the all the right places, accentuating his slender form. It had cost an arm and a leg for the luxury of a custom made suit, but it was worth it. After all, it wasn't every day that he went on a date with Detective Inspector Joseph Chandler. Chandler said to dress sharply, but wouldn't tell where he would be taking them to dinner.

Kent jumped anxiously when the doorbell rang. Chandler was punctual as he arrived right on time as he had said. His breath caught in his throat when he opened the door and saw that Chandler was dressed in a black tuxedo, looking suave and very debonair in his matching black overcoat. He even had his hair cut shorter making him look younger. It really was a sin for someone to be this handsome.

"You look great," Chandler complimented him, in a nervous voice.

"Thank you. So do you."

"I, um, I didn't know what to bring you, so I thought you might like these."

Chandler handed him a box of chocolate truffles.

"You didn't have to do that. But thank you. I love chocolates."

Chandler looked relieved. While Kent put the chocolates away in the kitchen, Chandler sneaked a peak at his phone before he returned. Kent smiled up at him and shyly slipped his hand into Chandler's hand.

"Shall we go then?"

Chandler smiled in return and squeezed his hand as they walked to his car.

* * *

Kent's eyes widened as large as saucers when they stopped in front of a beautiful Victorian hotel that just exuded luxury, class, and elegance. He hadn't expected Chandler to go all out for their first official date, but he was pleasantly surprised and very flattered. But he shouldn't have expected anything less, knowing Chandler's fine attention to detail. When Kent stepped out of the car, he craned his neck upward to marvel at the exterior. He didn't know such a hotel existed around this part of town, since the recent trend of hotels had been geared toward modern tastes.

He felt Chandler's hand at the small of his back, waiting to usher them to their final destination. The interior was just as breathtaking as the exterior of the hotel with its high ceilings and intricate architecture. Kent had never experienced such opulence before in his entire life. It was though he had stepped into another world.

"This is where we get off," Chandler said as they got off the top floor where the dining room was located. They crossed the entire dining area until they reached the opposite end of the room where an attendant dressed in elaborate Victorian livery opened the double doors leading out to the terrace.

Kent couldn't believe his eyes. A private table awaited them, complete with candlelight, chilled champagne, and a panoramic view of the city skyline. He went up to the balustrade and soaked in the view of the glittering night lights and various landmarks that London was renowned for, which were nestled against the backdrop of a diamond studded starlit night. While Kent took in the view, Chandler took another surreptitious glance at his phone.

"It's magnificent. But you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"All of this must have cost you a fortune."

Chandler walked over to him and placed his hands on Kent's shoulders gently. "Just the look on your face was worth it. Think of it as my way of saying thank you for everything you've done for me. You deserve to be wined and dined after what I put you through. And besides, you're cute when you worry about me."

Kent felt the blood rush to his pale cheeks. It was amazing the power this man had over him with just a look or spoken word.

"I just wanted tonight to be special for our first date."

"Well, technically this our second date, but who's counting?" Kent quipped lightly.

Chandler smiled and led him back to their table where he poured a glass of champagne for the both of them. As Chandler handed Kent his fluted glass, their fingers brushed lightly causing both of them to look into each other's eyes. The electricity between them was palpable. For a fleeting second, Kent thought that Chandler was going to lean in and kiss him, but no such luck as he quickly went to his side of the table. Oh well, the night was still young.

"Here's to friendship," Chandler toasted him. "And perhaps, much more."

Kent clinked his glass against Chandler's glass in agreement. "I'll drink to that."

As they took their seats, Chandler signaled to the maître d' to start the service for the beginning of a sumptuous seven course meal. Kent couldn't help but notice that Chandler had worn the monogrammed cufflinks he had given to him for his birthday gift. The amount of thought and detail he had put into the entire evening overwhelmed Kent. No one had ever made him feel so special. It was no wonder Kent was in love with him.

"Is there something the matter?" Chandler asked noticing that Kent had spaced out briefly.

"No. Nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is perfect."

* * *

"Joe, what ARE you doing?"

"Nothing. What makes you ask that?" Chandler replied nervously as he had been caught looking at his phone again after several courses had been completed.

"You keep looking at your phone when you think I don't notice. You've done that more than three times already."

The DI covered the screen automatically with one hand.

"What are you hiding from me?" Kent asked suspiciously.

"Honestly. It's nothing. I was just…checking traffic."

Kent raised one eyebrow skeptically. "Oh really? Let's just see what the traffic is like right now."

Before he knew it, Kent swiped his phone and looked at what Chandler had been perusing from time to time. He was in for it now.

"Interesting traffic information," Kent remarked in amusement as he scrolled through the websites that had recently been opened. "Ways to Make Sure Your Date is Successful, How to Impress your Date, What to Do on a First Date, and What Not to Do on a First Date."

This time it was Chandler's turn to turn red with embarrassment, as he took back his phone hastily.

"I had no idea you were so nervous about tonight. I bet you hardly got any sleep last night as well."

Chandler reluctantly nodded his head, confirming what Kent suspected.

"You don't have to jump through hoops to impress me. I was already impressed the day I met you."

"You were?" he asked in genuine surprise.

"Sure. I mean, who wouldn't be impressed with a detective inspector who shows up on his first day heading up a new department and shows up at a crime scene in a Savile Row tuxedo?"

Chandler chuckled as he remembered those rough first days. He could smile now, but it had been no picnic in the park at the time.

"You'll have to be patient with me. I'm new at this."

"I know," Kent replied softly. He reached across the table to clasp Chandler's hand. "Joe, one of the reasons I went out with you was because I wanted to get to know the real you. Not someone I think you should be. Just be yourself. That's good enough for me."

"I'm not sure I know how to do that," Chandler admitted quietly.

"You were fine the other night when I came over, weren't you?"

"That was different. We weren't on a real date then. What I mean is, before, we were colleagues. Supervisor and subordinate. Now it's just…different."

"But we're still the same people aren't we? When we clock off, you're still you and I'm still me. It doesn't matter what our positions are when we're off duty."

"You make it sound so simple."

"It is if you don't over analyze things to death."

"Are you saying that I'm obsessive about these kinds of things?"

"You? Obsessive? Not on your life," Kent replied sarcastically making Chandler laugh in spite of himself.

"You really are one of a kind," he replied gripping Kent's fingers tightly.

Kent smiled at him. "So are you."

"I'll be right back," Chandler said, suddenly exiting the table making a beeline for the men's restroom. He was feeling just the slightest bit OCD at the moment.

* * *

"Thank you for a wonderful evening," Kent said when they came back to his flat after a perfectly lovely date. "I really enjoyed myself tonight."

"So did I. Kent, I don't know where this…this relationship will lead us. But what I do know is that I want to see you again."

"Oh, you most certainly will. Like in about 9 hours before we have to go to work."

Chandler chuckled, rubbing his forehead absent-mindedly.

"What I mean is, I want to see you personally, outside of work."

"Good. Because I feel exactly the same way you do. Does this mean we're going together now?" Kent asked softly.

"I guess it does. You know, it's going to be hard keeping this from Miles and the others. You should have heard them when they saw you with Danni at the station."

"I bet it was a right kerfuffle. Maybe it would be better if we didn't mention it."

"I hate to admit it now, but I was a little jealous when I saw you two together at the station."

"Only a little jealous?"

"All right. I was more than a little jealous. I can't help that I want you all to myself."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. But there was never anything to worry about. Danni's just a friend. If it makes you feel any better, I think she only kissed me to make you jealous."

"What makes you say that?"

"Call it a hunch. But from now on, she's going to have to deal with her problems on her own, without me in the picture. I have more important things to focus on. Like you and me."

"That has a nice sound to it. Well, it's getting late and I'd better get going. Goodnight Kent," Chandler replied turning to leave.

"Isn't there something you've forgotten?"

Chandler checked all of his pockets automatically.

"I'm sure I've got everything that I brought with me to dinner. What did I forget?"

"You forgot to kiss me goodnight," he replied softly.

"That's a requirement now?"

"Not necessarily. But it would be nice."

Chandler swallowed the lump in his throat nervously. He reached up tentatively to cradle Kent's cheek in one hand as he slowly bent down towards his mouth. Kent closed his eyes and leaned towards him. This was the moment he had been waiting for so long. Chandler was a hair's breadth away from Kent's waiting lips, when he suddenly bailed out and instead gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek before making his escape.

Kent leaned against the door and smiled fondly, holding his hand against the cheek where Chandler had kissed him. It was all right. He could wait for Chandler when he was ready.

_To Be Continued_


	8. The Heart's Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite duo try to balance work and their new-found relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 26Apr2013.

Kent looked up from his desk and saw Chandler working diligently in his office. There was no trace of stress or OCD manifesting itself at the moment which made Kent feel at ease. Normally, he would be concerned out of professional courtesy for his DI, but now his concern extended far beyond that of a colleague. Sometimes, he had to pinch himself when he realized he and Chandler were actually dating. He had hoped and dreamed for so long that he found it hard to believe. It had been difficult at first to work together without being affected by the fact they were involved romantically. But after about two weeks, they were getting used to it.

Once in a while when they were in his office looking over case files, Kent would purposely stand behind Chandler and lean over his shoulder so that they could be near each other without fear of reprisal. He didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize Chandler's chances of moving up in the police force. But there were times he just wanted to barge into Chandler's office and wrap his arms around the DI whenever he saw him fretting about something out of his control. Kent knew it was impossible under the circumstances.

At least when they were off duty, they could be themselves again. It was when they were alone together that Kent got to see the real side of Joseph Chandler. Not the detective inspector in charge of the Whitechapel division, but Joseph Chandler the person. He felt very fortunate to be able to see a side of him that people rarely saw. At times he could be an arrogant nitpicky prick, but that was only a ruse to cover up his feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty. It was especially apparent when he was under duress.

But he could also be surprisingly fun loving and whimsical; cheeky even. But most of all, he was caring and attentive to even the smallest detail. Kent just wished that Chandler would open all of himself to him, instead of keeping him somewhat at a distance, both physically and emotionally. It wasn't that he didn't show affection, but there was some indescribable force that kept him from going further along in their relationship. At first, Kent thought it was due to Chandler's OCD, but he was beginning to wonder.

At that moment, their eyes locked as Chandler regarded the DC from his desk behind closed doors. He smiled that charming rakish smile that he reserved only for Kent, knowing full well that it turned his insides into mush. Kent quickly looked down at his computer monitor to hide his reaction in case anyone was looking in their direction. Chandler just smiled to himself and returned back to his reports as if nothing happened.

* * *

Later that day, Chandler entered the dimly lit historical archive basement which doubled as Buchan's office. As he turned around the corner, his eyes widened in surprise when he ran into Kent; literally bumping into him. Kent would have fallen backwards if Chandler had not steadied him by grabbing his arms.

"What are you doing here?" both men asked simultaneously before breaking out into laughter.

"I came here to talk to Buchan, but I see that he's not here. What's your excuse?"

"I was hoping I would find you so I could do this," Kent replied, leaning over to press his lips softly against Chandler's clean-shaven face.

"It's a good thing you found me then," Chandler replied, reaching up to caress Kent's cheek. "I've been wanting to do this all day."

Kent briefly closed his eyes while nuzzling his cheek softly against Chandler's palm.

"I hate being so close to you like this, and not being able to touch you."

"I'm afraid this is the way it has to be."

Kent sighed wearily. "I know. But it still stinks."

"How about we slip out a little early and go out for a drink after work?"

"Playing hooky, are we? Well, as long as my boss is ok with it."

Chandler played along. "Oh, I'm sure he'll be more than ok with it."

Kent looked into Chandler's blue eyes and crossed the gap between them with only one goal in mind. Although they had been officially dating for several weeks, Chandler still did not have the courage to kiss the younger man full on the lips yet. He didn't know what was always holding him back. Whether it was fear of the unknown or the fear that he would lose control, the truth of the matter was that Chandler was falling deeper under Kent's spell. And that frightened him more than bullets ever could. Because of his reluctance, Kent was beginning to have some doubts about Chandler's feelings for him. The look of uncertainty on the younger man's face confirmed it. It was enough to make the DI take immediate action.

Chandler slipped his free arm around Kent's waist to pull his DC against him. The tension in the air was thick as they could feel each other's breath fanning against their cheeks, their bodies in full contact leaving little to the imagination. Not that Kent needed any help in that department. With his other hand, Chandler ran his thumb softly across Kent's lips making him tremble with delight, leaving no doubt that Chandler wanted to be with him.

The sound of footsteps on the tiled floor quickly made them separate before Chandler could kiss Kent. Sure enough, Buchan came in shortly after.

"Ah Joe! Kent! What brings you down to these parts?"

"I wanted to check with you on those historical case files I asked about," Chandler replied, recovering quickly.

"I've got them here on my desk arranged by motive. Fascinating cases, all of them. Let me tell you about…"

Kent slipped out quietly as Buchan continued to ramble on enthusiastically, oblivious to the fact that he almost walked in on them in a most compromising position. Kent thanked the fates for at least allowing him to spend a little alone time with Chandler, short as it was. And then cursed them for having the worst timing in the world.

* * *

A new development on their most recent case had brought the entire staff together at the end of the day for an emergency meeting. It appeared that the team would be going on a stakeout that evening and would most likely be in for a long night. Kent and Chandler's plans to sneak out early were foiled. It was just par for the course lately.

"All right, everyone. You all know what to do should you come in contact with the suspect. He's highly nervous at this point and obviously on edge. He knows we're closing in on him and that makes him even more dangerous. Do not engage him unless absolutely necessary. Miles will be with me. Riley you're with Stevens. And Mansell, you'll go with Kent. Be careful out there. All of you."

Kent met Chandler's gaze, silently wishing him to be safe. Chandler nodded briefly back at him, as if he read his thoughts. Kent knew he was worrying for nothing. Chandler could take care of himself and DS Miles would also be with them. They always had each other's back when it mattered. It's just that Kent would have felt more at ease if he could have gone with the detective inspector himself.

"Oh, get a hold of yourself," Kent silently chastised himself. He really was starting to sound like a clinging boyfriend.

* * *

"Mansell, any activity on your end?" Chandler's voice asked over the walkie talkie.

"It's all quiet on the west end of the square," Mansell answered for both himself and Kent.

"Stay alert and let me know immediately if you see anything."

"Yes, sir," the older detective constable replied before signing off. "Wouldn't you know it? Five hours and absolutely nothing."

"It's not all glamour and glitz you know," Kent replied pragmatically, taking another sip of his coffee that had become stone cold.

"As long as we're not doing anything, I've been meaning to ask you something. How's it going between you and that gorgeous bird we saw a while back?"

"This isn't really the time and place for that."

"Oh, I see. She dumped you, right? Never mind. There's plenty of fish in the sea."

"With friends like you, who needs enemies?" Kent replied sarcastically. "There was no dumping involved. She's just a friend."

Mansell gave Kent a skeptical look in return. "Friends don't kiss like that. You really expect me to believe that there was nothing between you two?"

"For the last time, I didn't kiss her. She kissed me," Kent replied exasperatedly. "I wouldn't expect a person divorced two times over to understand that a platonic relationship with the opposite sex is possible."

"Why were you never involved with her then?"

"None of your business," Kent replied sharply in annoyance.

"Oh, I get it. There's someone else, isn't there? 'Fess up Kent. Anyone I know?"

"Now listen here, I've had just about enough…"

"Mansell! Kent! Are you there? Answer me!" DS Miles' voice shouted from the walkie talkie.

"We're here. What is it, sir?" Mansell answered, sensing that something was wrong.

"We need back up! Now! The boss has been shot!"

Kent's heart was in his throat when he heard those words. He felt numb all over. No. He must have been hearing things. It wasn't true. It just couldn't be true. Chandler was hurt? Maybe he was even…

"We're on our way. Out. Well, what are you waiting for? Let's go, Kent!" Mansell shouted out to him as he headed for their squad car.

Finally, Kent snapped out of his daze and followed after the older detective constable as they rushed to meet up with where Chandler and Miles had been positioned. He was having a hard time focusing on the task at hand when he only had thoughts for Chandler's condition. He was ok, Kent kept muttering to himself silently. He was going to be ok. He just had to be.

"Oh dear God, please let him be all right! Don't take him away from me now!" Kent pleaded over and over again.

* * *

"Miles, I told you, I'm all right," Chandler protested when Miles gently but insistently pushed the DI back against the pillows at the hospital as he tried to get up out of bed. "It's just a flesh wound."

"The doctor said for you to take it easy and stay in bed and that's exactly what you're going to do."

"He did NOT say that. All he said was to make sure to change the bandages regularly."

"You shouldn't be gadding about like a buck in the springtime after just getting shot at. You won't be feeling like this when the painkillers wear off. Trust me. I've been through this before."

"I guess I was lucky I ducked to the side when I did. Otherwise I could have gotten hit directly in the chest instead of just grazing my shoulder. Did the others catch him?"

"Yeah. Mansell and Kent took care of him while you went to hospital. They'll be along shortly after they finish booking him for assault with a deadly weapon. He won't be going home any time soon."

"Miles, I appreciate you staying with me the entire time, but really, I'm fine. You can go home now."

"Not unless you promise me that you'll take it easy. An injury is still an injury even if it's a flesh wound."

Chandler smiled fondly. Beneath that rough exterior lay a heart of gold.

* * *

Kent hated hospitals. He always had ever since he was a child. The smell of rubbing alcohol and bleach made his nostrils flare and his head hurt. It reminded him unfortunately, of the time he had spent in the emergency room after his vicious attack by the Krays. As Kent came closer to the room where Chandler was recovering in, he almost didn't want to go in. Seeing Chandler injured was too much to bear, in light of the fact that for a brief time he thought the worst had happened.

When they received the good news that the bullet just grazed his shoulder, he had let out a huge sigh of relief. But now that he was here, Kent was afraid he wouldn't be able to keep his emotions in check while in the same room with DS Miles and DC Mansell. But his concern for Chandler outweighed his apprehension and fear as he entered the room. Kent remained relatively silent the entire time, biting on his lip to remain in control of his emotions. Fortunately, Mansell didn't notice and Miles chalked it up to the trauma of the day's events with Kent being the sensitive soul that he was. It did not however, escape Chandler's eagle eyes.

"Miles, would you and Mansell give us a few minutes?" Chandler requested. "I would like to have a word with Kent."

"You can have more than that. It's been a bloody long day and night and I'm dead tired. I'm taking off. Come on, Mansell."

"Take care, sir," Mansell said before leaving with the detective sergeant.

Chandler smiled gratefully at his team members for their loyalty and concern for him. But right at this moment, he was more concerned about the youngest member of his team.

"Kent?" Chandler asked worriedly. "You haven't said anything since you arrived. What's the matter?"

The younger man finally turned to him and practically catapulted himself into Chandler's arms. He was careful not to hurt the DI's injured shoulder as Kent wrapped his arms around him and buried his face against Chandler's chest. All the fear, anxiety, and stress of the evening's events finally came out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. Chandler let Kent continue until he could cry no more and tilted his chin up to wipe away the last traces of tears from his face with his thumbs.

"All better now?" he asked in a soothing voice.

"I was so afraid the worst had happened to you. I thought I had lost you forever when we heard that you had been shot."

Chandler kissed the top of Kent's forehead softly. "It will take more than a few bullets to take me down."

"I'm serious, Joe. If you had died, I wouldn't have had the chance to tell you how much I love you."

"Wha…what did you just say?" Chandler replied in complete shock.

"I said that I love you, Joseph Chandler," Kent said softly.

"But…but we've only been seeing each other for a few weeks. I haven't even kissed you properly yet," Chandler stuttered, unable to process what Kent had confessed.

"And whose fault is that? If you had opened your eyes, you would have seen that I have always loved you."

"But when? Why? How?"

"Let's see, the day you took over the Whitechapel division, because you're the first person that's ever made me feel this way, and I never had a chance from the moment I looked into your eyes. I think that just about covers it."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I didn't confess my feelings for you because I expected you to return the sentiment. I know you're not ready for that kind of commitment yet. I just couldn't go on without telling how I feel about you."

"Kent, are you sure about this? You're so young and you have your whole life ahead of you. Are you sure it isn't just a passing fancy of yours?"

Kent pulled away from him. "I am an adult and I know that what I feel for you goes beyond all reasoning and logic. At first I thought it was just hero worship, but now I know that I loved you from the very beginning. You came into my life and turned it upside down. You made me care about being a police officer. And you made me care about you in the process. Don't you think I know my own feelings?"

"I didn't mean to disparage you, Kent. It's just that there's a lot of emotional baggage that comes with the territory. I'm not an easy man to get along with. And then, there are my demons."

Kent reached over and took Chandler's hands in his. "I know. That's part of the reason why I love you so much. Joe, things don't have to change between us until you're ready to take that next step. In the meantime, I'm not going anywhere. That is, unless you're having second thoughts about us?" he asked uncertainly.

Chandler answered by pulling Kent into his arms and held him tightly against his chest as his chin rested on top of Kent's dark curly mop of hair. He still wanted to be with Kent, but with this new revelation, their relationship had just gotten a little more complicated.

* * *

"You mean after hearing you go on about your boyfriend, we don't even get a chance to meet him?" one of Kent's flat mates protested as they were being shuffled off to spend the evening far away.

"Absolutely correct. I don't want you two to scare him off."

"Who? Us?" the other flat mate replied, poking his index finger against his inflated cheek in mock innocence.

"That's why you and Jed are leaving early. Off you go, now."

"All right, all right. You don't have to be so pushy," Will replied, grabbing his acoustic guitar on the way out.

"Yeah, I liked him better when he spent his nights at home. We have to have fend for ourselves while your boyfriend gets to enjoy your cooking," Jed chimed in agreement.

"I'll be just as nice when you both get dates of your own," Kent replied, smiling sweetly.

"Ouch! What a burn. Come on, Will. I think we know when we're not wanted."

"If you did, you would have been out the door half an hour ago."

"We give up! You win. Have a good time, Emerson."

"Should we find other accommodations tonight?" Will asked jokingly, before Kent literally shoved them out the door.

Kent rolled his eyes as the sound of their laughter trailed down the hallway mocking him.

* * *

"Right on time, as always DI Chandler," Kent remarked as Chandler showed up when he said he would.

He gathered Kent in his arms and hugged him affectionately. Kent wrapped his arms around Chandler's shoulders returning his embrace. It was nice to be able to do this again now that his arm was fully healed from the gunshot wound.

"Did you make my favorite?" he asked, hinting suggestively, while keeping Kent within the circle of his arms.

"Well, I'm not up to making sushi rolls yet, like you're used to. How does beef wellington, ratatouille, fresh tender asparagus in hollandaise sauce, and strawberry cheesecake for dessert sound?"

Chandler kissed the tip of Kent's nose in response.

"Simply heavenly. You really spoil me too much, Kent."

"Well, I don't get to entertain too many heroes very often."

"I'm not a hero. You're the ones who deserve the credit. I'm just a figurehead."

"Stop being so modest. You're a hero to me, and that's all that really matters."

"I guess I should know better than to argue with you," Chandler replied smiling at him.

"I don't know why you even bother trying. You know, you really should smile more often, Joe. You look so handsome when you do."

"Well, nowadays, I have something to smile about."

Kent smiled back at him and took his hand as they headed towards the kitchen.

* * *

"How about we play a game?" Kent asked as they went into the living room after a delicious and satisfying supper and sat on the sofa.

"What kind of game?" Chandler asked warily as he sat down next to him.

"Well, I was going to suggest strip poker, but I don't think you're ready for that."

"Good guess."

"Then how about Truth or Dare?"

"I don't know if I like where this is going."

"What's the matter? Afraid you'll lose?" Kent teased.

"Never. Let's go for it. But I get to ask the first round of questions. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"If I was more homely in appearance, would you still be interested in me?"

It wasn't just a question of vanity. Chandler really wanted to know how Kent really felt.

"Nope. I'm interested in you only for your looks," Kent answered with a straight face.

Chandler almost fell for it. "You, are a terrible liar Kent."

Kent leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"Of course I would still be interested in you. But it doesn't hurt that you are easily the most attractive man I've ever met. Don't tell me you're complaining?"

A faint blush tinged Chandler's cheeks.

"It's my turn now. Truth or Dare?"

"Dare," Chandler replied with renewed confidence.

"You have to do your best impression of DS Miles."

Chandler took a moment to get into character and did a spot-on imitation of the detective sergeant, complete with a Cockney accent.

"Do you think this is a fair fight? This is a scrap. Where the meanest hardest bastard wins. You gotta learn to relax. You can't be the boss everything, you know."

Kent laughed until his sides hurt. Even Chandler started laughing as well.

"Ok, you easily win that round."

"All right, I get to go now. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"What was your first impression of me when I joined the Whitechapel division?"

"I thought you were in over your head and that you would only last two days."

"Only two days?"

"Three at the most."

"Thank you so very much for your vote of confidence," Chandler replied sarcastically.

"Didn't you always say that the truth was the only thing that mattered to you?" Kent reminded him, with an impish grin. "All right. It's your turn. Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Do you love me as much as I love you?" he asked directly.

"That's not a fair question."

"Then you have to take the dare. I dare you to kiss me."

Chandler gave a look that could only be described as comical. It was enough to make Kent burst out laughing uncontrollably. Teasing Chandler had become almost a force of habit with him. It wasn't until Kent stopped laughing that he noticed that Chandler was seriously considering it. Kent had meant it as a joke, but now the joke was on him. Would Chandler finally kiss him properly?

Kent stared with nervous anticipation as Chandler tentatively inched closer until his lips brushed against Kent's mouth kissing him for the very first time. Kent closed his eyes, savoring the moment he had only imagined in his dreams. It was a kiss filled with trepidation, wonder, and yearning all at the same time. And it was everything he had hoped it would be and more. Kent's lips were soft and yielding as he allowed Chandler to go at his own pace. If anything, the fact that he went slowly just made Kent want more of this sweet torture.

When Chandler pulled away, he saw that Kent's breathing was shallow, his luminous brown eyes reflecting unmistakable desire for him. Chandler thought that kissing another man would somehow be different, but it wasn't. And it didn't matter to him. What was it about Kent that stirred something deep within Chandler making him break down all of his inhibitions and self-imposed barriers? Kent's lips were slightly parted, just begging to be kissed again. Chandler felt something primal stir within the pit of his belly. He needed to claim those lips and make them his.

Without warning, Chandler dove in and passionately kissed the still dazed young man, cradling his face with both hands, rendering him helpless to resist. He couldn't stop Chandler even if he wanted to. He molded Kent's lips, easily coaxing them apart to explore the inner regions of his mouth. Kent moaned softly as Chandler continued his pleasurable assault on his over stimulated senses as their tongues entwined with each other. With Morgan, Chandler had been tentative; almost passive. But now he was the one taking charge and he knew what he wanted. This was not a spur of the moment reaction. This was the release of weeks of pent up frustration as Chandler finally gave into his attraction for his detective constable.

He trailed a fiery path of kisses along Kent's angular jaw as he lowered him against the cushions, settling behind his ear to nibble at the sensitive area of skin. Kent let out an involuntary gasp of pleasure, encouraging Chandler to continue as his hands gripped the other man's biceps tightly. That really was Kent's favorite spot. His hands slid up Chandler's chest, loving the feel of his muscled torso beneath his fingers through the thin material of his shirt. Chandler's heart raced with anticipation and desire as he returned to Kent's eager and waiting lips.

Kent laced his fingers through Chandler's hair and returned his kisses with feverish urgency as he became a slave to his innermost desires. He gave a cry of protest when Chandler left his mouth to trace his lips along Kent's throat making the younger man arch his neck to allow him further access. Chandler's tongue darted at the pulsing vein at the base of his neck, driving Kent to the edge. At the same time, Kent's fingers glided down Chandler's chest and began to deftly unbutton his shirt, slipping them inside to feel the DI's heated flesh beneath his fingers. He then let his fingers travel slowly along Chandler's midsection.

All of a sudden, Chandler tensed immediately and tore himself away from Kent, breaking the magical spell he had put the DC under.

"Oh God, what am doing?" Chandler thought to himself as he sat in turmoil, quickly adjusting his shirt. He had lost all control and practically attacked Kent because of his desires. Too many emotions and a complete sensory overload had caused Chandler's brain to short circuit. It was just too much to handle for him. It was too soon.

"What's wrong?" Kent asked sitting up, while trying to catch his breath.

"I can't. I just can't do this," he replied, turning away from a very confused Kent. "I'm sorry."

Kent's heart sank as he took Chandler's rejection as confirmation that he was still hung up on Morgan.

"Don't apologize. You can't help the way you feel any more than I can," Kent replied softly.

Chandler turned around and felt a pain like none that he had ever felt before when he saw the devastated look on Kent's face.

"It's not what you think. I know how this must look, but I don't regret what just happened. You have to believe me."

Kent turned away from him, using every bit of self control left in him to not to cry, as he was wont to do at times like this.

"Maybe. But you can't move forward either," Kent answered pointedly. "I think it would be best if we just forget that this ever happened."

Even as the words came out of his mouth, Kent realized it would be impossible for either of them to forget.

"Don't do this, Kent," Chandler pleaded with him. "You knew that it would be difficult with…with the way I am."

Kent finally turned to look at him. "Don't patronize me, Joe. I'm not a child. And I didn't go into this with blinders on. I knew what I was getting into when we started seeing each other."

"Just give me some time," Chandler replied, his eyes silently pleading with Kent to be patient. "Please."

Kent looked into Chandler's eyes searchingly. There was no guarantee Chandler would change his mind even if he had all the time in the world. But what else could he do? He had to take that chance. The alternative was too frightening to even think about.

"I only have one request."

"What is it?"

"That you will accept whatever my decision will be, if things don't work out between us."

Kent decided then and there that he needed to force the issue if he ever hoped to have a future with Chandler. He needed to be aware that Kent was not going to wait for him forever, no matter how much he loved him. Kent had been sure of his feelings for years. Now it was up to Chandler to decide how he felt.

Chandler was pensive for a moment, but acquiesced to his request, albeit with some reluctance.

"I'll go along with whatever you decide to do."

"You should go now. We have that early staff meeting in the morning," Kent reminded him. "It wouldn't look good if both of us were late."

Chandler nodded and left Kent's flat pausing outside to stare at the closed door. His emotions were in turmoil. His heart wanted to stay, but his brain told him to run away. But he knew that he was not ready yet to take their relationship to the next level, no matter how much he wanted to stay with Kent. Chandler raised his hand as if to knock on the door, but let it fall to his side as he turned to walk away.

Meanwhile, Kent was still in the same sitting position on the sofa, trying to make sense of what just happened. His lips still tingled as Chandler's kiss lingered and would forever be emblazoned in his memory. What should have been a magical night ended in heartache for both of them.

_To Be Continued_


	9. Working It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandler's hang-ups put a strain with Kent, but Kent refuses to give up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally Posted 04May2013

"Where's the DI gone off to this time?" Miles complained as Chandler was nowhere to be found.

"Don't you know?" Mansell asked.

"I wouldn't be asking if I knew, now, would I?" the detective sergeant replied sarcastically. "I swear we need to put a bell on him or something."

"Like that would do any good."

"You're right. Even my kids don't need as much looking after as the boss does."

"I'll go look for him," Kent volunteered.

Chandler was no doubt off on his own again, probably brooding. At least it would give Kent a chance to be alone with him and perhaps try to get him to open up about what happened between them. He thought that they were just going to slow things down, but he didn't expect for them to completely stop seeing each other. Maybe he had pushed Chandler too hard. After all, he couldn't really expect them to be intimate with each other so soon, considering Chandler's initial preference for women. Kent would never admit it openly, but a tiny part of him was frightened that Chandler was subconsciously using Kent as a surrogate for Morgan Lamb. After all, she had understood Chandler's motivations and peculiarities and had connected with him in a way that Kent never could. He hated feeling so needy and insecure. And he knew he was being paranoid. But considering Kent's recent rejection by Chandler, no one would have blamed him for his feelings.

He found Chandler standing on the roof of the police station looking out over the London city skyline as evening was settling in. The DI was lost in his thoughts. He was reminded of the night that he and Kent went on their first official date. It seemed almost like a lifetime ago. Chandler hadn't told Kent that his OCD was acting up again ever since the night he kissed him. And he wasn't about to tell him, even though he had made a promise that he would. He felt bad enough that he had hurt Kent by rejecting him the way that he did. What made matters worse was that his actions led Kent to believe that he couldn't return his feelings.

Little did he know how much the DI really wanted him. Chandler would not forget the feeling of Kent's eager lips or the touch of his fingers against his skin any time soon. Or the fact that the younger man's moans of pleasure stirred something within Chandler that he was too embarrassed to even think about. In fact, it was the main reason why in the aftermath, he kept his distance from his detective constable both at work and when they were off duty, even though it was the last thing neither of them wanted.

They had come so close to sleeping together. And for several blissful moments, he was tempted to throw caution to the winds and give in to his innermost desires. But again, he allowed his irrational fear of losing control and self-doubt to rule his actions. He clung to his need for control like a security blanket, instead of allowing himself to show Kent how much he wanted to be with him and how much he really cared for him. Kent had been willing to give all of himself to Chandler, unconditionally. And yet, he couldn't give back a fraction of what Kent was willing to give to him no matter how much he wanted to. To say that he was confused was the understatement of the century.

"I thought I would find you up here," Kent commented walking up to the parapet where Chandler was standing.

"How did you know where to find me?" he asked quietly.

Kent frowned slightly as he regarded the DI with concern. Chandler was hiding something from him. He was sure of it.

"DS Miles mentioned it one time in passing. I figured you were either up here or hiding out in the loo."

"I am not hiding out," he replied defensively.

"Yes, you are," Kent corrected him in his gentle voice. "You've been hiding from me ever since we kissed."

"What makes you say that?"

"It's what you usually do when you have a problem. Instead of dealing with it, you run away from it, hoping it will go away."

"You're very sure of yourself, aren't you? How did you come up with that conclusion?"

"Very well. You're probably having another episode again. I've noticed that's not the first shirt you've replaced today. And you've been very short tempered lately as well. That only happens when you're under stress. And lastly, you've been burying yourself in work so you don't have to think about what happened between us, which conveniently leaves little time for us to be alone together. You figure if you keep yourself so busy, I'll give up and find someone else. Now tell me I'm wrong."

Chandler was about to ask him how he knew when Kent interrupted his thoughts.

"I'm not a detective constable for nothing, you know. And besides, I learned from the best."

The DI was silent as he was lost in his thoughts. Kent took a step closer to Chandler, wanting to embrace him with everything in his soul, but also knowing that he couldn't push him as well.

"It's ok if you're scared, Joe. It's perfectly normal. Don't you think I'm scared too?"

"Just leave me alone," he said turning away from his DC, refusing to discuss his feelings with him. "I came up here to get away from everyone. Including you."

Kent was unfazed by his dismissal. He knew that it was just a defense mechanism with him.

"I can't do that. I care about you too much."

Chandler felt his heart constrict painfully. Kent was too honest with his feelings for his own good. He turned away from him to avoid looking deeply into those big brown soulful eyes that he missed so much.

"What do you want from me?" he asked wearily.

"I know you're not ready…for a lot of things. I can handle that. But you don't have to shut me out completely."

Chandler closed his eyes and put a hand to his forehead, as he felt his head throb painfully. Kent reached for Chandler's free hand and placed the tiny container of tiger balm that Chandler usually kept on his desk in the center of his palm. Chandler stared at the container and then back at Kent, who smiled gently at him, making his heart skip a beat. Even in the fading daylight, his eyes shone with love for his DI. It may have seemed like a small, insignificant gesture, but it touched Chandler more than Kent would ever know. Now he understood what Miles meant about having someone in his life that let him be himself; who would be there whenever he needed him. And who knew when to leave him alone.

Kent turned to leave when Chandler reached out and clasped his wrist, making him stop. He slowly brought Kent's hand up to his own cheek and held it there with his hand, almost reverently, as he closed his eyes. No words were spoken between them. None were needed. Chandler didn't know how long they stayed like that, but it was too short as far as he was concerned.

Kent eventually moved his hand away, letting Chandler have his personal space again. His eyes never left Kent as he disappeared from his view. He sighed heavily and looked up into the sky, as the evening breeze wafted around him. Would he ever be able to return Kent's feelings?

* * *

Kent tried to keep his mind on work as he and Chandler were meeting in his office to discuss the latest bit of information that Kent had gathered for him on their most recent case.

"Here's the report you wanted from the Department for Transport, sir. Our suspect was listed as working there 10 years ago. Do you really think he has something to do with the Strangler murders?"

"It's a long shot, but we have to follow every possible lead. What about his colleagues?"

"I'm still gathering information, but there's a long list. And some of them are not being quite so cooperative, especially the ones with the larger salaries. It sounds like a cover up to me."

"One of them has got to know something. Keep at it and let me know if you find anything else. We can't leave any stone unturned."

"Yes, sir," Kent replied automatically, turning to leave when Chandler stopped him.

"Kent, wait. Do you…do you want to go out for a drink after work tonight?" the DI asked awkwardly.

"I'd like that very much. Wait a minute. You're going too, right?" Kent joked, breaking the tension in the room.

Chandler broke out in a smile and chuckled softly.

"Yes, of course."

"But aren't you busy?" Kent asked uncertainly.

"It can wait. I'd much rather be with you," the DI admitted.

"Are you sure? You don't have to do this you unless you really want to."

"I miss you Kent," Chandler replied bluntly. "I know we haven't been seeing each other much lately, but it doesn't mean that I don't think about you."

"I miss you too."

Kent could feel the undeniable attraction emanating between them, burning like a flame, threatening to consume them. It had been far too long since they had held each other or shared even the most innocent kiss and it was beginning to wear on both of their nerves. The unmistakable look on their faces was proof of it. They were both remembering the feel of their lips against each other the last time they had kissed and the way they had both responded to each other's touch.

"I, um…I'd better get going on those leads you requested," Kent replied nervously as he left Chandler's office in a hurry.

Kent wondered if Chandler was just as affected he was. He was so flustered himself that he didn't notice the DI leaving his office to immediately change into another dress shirt.

* * *

"Can I ask you something, Joe?" as they were relaxing that evening in a bar far away from the station where they could be alone and free from the prying eyes of their colleagues.

"I don't know if you'll be satisfied with the answer I give you, but go ahead," Chandler answered taking a sip of his drink.

Kent ran his finger around the top of his own glass, nervously.

"What made you ask me out on a date that first time?

"I couldn't help myself. You were just too cute and irresistible."

"I'm serious."

"I asked you out because I wanted to. I've always had a fondness for you Kent, but strangely enough, my feelings towards you changed after we had that row. Do you remember that?"

"How could I forget? I was so angry and upset that time. I thought I never stood a chance with you because you were still defending Morgan."

Even as he spoke, an uncomfortable tightness formed in Kent's chest. But the situation was different this time around. Chandler could actually speak about her now without falling to pieces. At least it was progress.

"When you told me off, it opened my eyes to the fact that you meant more to me that just a colleague. And then you prevented me from making the biggest mistake of my life the next night when I got drunk. You were my life preserver during one of the darkest moments of my life, Kent. I couldn't ignore you any longer."

"So you felt like you owed me something?" Kent asked quietly.

The younger man's thoughts resonated loudly. Chandler reached over and covered Kent's hand, stroking it softly with his thumb.

"Even if I had all the money in the world, I could never pay back what you did for me. And believe me Kent, what I feel for you is far from obligation."

"I want to believe you, Joe. I really do."

"What's this all about?" Chandler asked intuitively.

"You said you couldn't go through with…you know. It made me begin to wonder. I realize you're uncomfortable with the subject, but you've never told me why. Is it…is it because I'm a man?"

Kent braced himself for the answer Chandler was about to give; half-afraid of what it would be.

Chandler looked at Kent pensively. The young man's soulful eyes reflected confusion mixed with fear and uncertainty.

"I wouldn't have kissed you if I wasn't comfortable with who you are."

"Then what's stopping you?"

"If I had just wanted sex, we would have been together a long time ago. I don't want to just have sex with you, Kent."

Chandler moved his hand and reached up to cradle Kent's cheek tenderly.

"I want to make love to you. And I can't do that if I'm not sure of my feelings. Call me old fashioned, but that's just the way that I am. I want our first time together to be special. Something we'll both remember for the rest of our lives. That's why I asked you to be patient with me."

Kent felt his heart swell with love, as Chandler's raw honesty touched his soul. Who would have guessed that the DI was such a romantic at heart beneath that reserved exterior?

"Then that's good enough for me. Thank you for being honest with me, Joe."

"Maybe one of these days, I'll get the hang of this relationship thing."

"You're doing just fine from what I can see. Tell me something. Are you afraid to be involved in a relationship?"

"I'm not afraid Kent. I'm terrified."

"But why?"

"If I knew the answer to that question, maybe I wouldn't be the way that I am."

"Hey there, handsome," an attractive redhead sauntered up to their booth eyeing Chandler lustfully. "I haven't seen you around here before. Why don't we find some place private and make a wonderful memory?" the redhead replied suggestively as she draped herself all over Chandler. "You're just my type. What do you say? It'll be a night to remember."

Chandler expertly avoided her roaming hands and politely declined as he extracted himself from her grasp.

"I'm sure it would. I'm sorry, but I'm already taken. Let's go, Kent. I don't like the atmosphere in here," he replied, leaving the woman standing there with her mouth agape as he took Kent's hand in his and left the bar.

* * *

"Why did you do that at the bar?" Kent asked after Chandler dropped him off at the station to pick up his Vespa.

"You mean you would have wanted me to go off with a perfect stranger? How could you?" Chandler joked, feigning indignation. "And I thought you loved me."

"You KNOW what I'm talking about. You didn't have to tell that woman that we were seeing each other."

"I wanted her to know that I already belonged to someone else."

The younger man looked down distractedly at the ground as his heart pounded furiously. "If it weren't for the CCTV cameras, I would throw my arms around you and kiss you so hard right now."

Chandler laughed heartily. Kent never ceased to surprise him and make him laugh.

"How about I take a rain check on that kiss?"

Kent lifted his head and met Chandler's eyes. "Does that mean we'll be seeing more of each other now?"

"Just try and stop me. And anyways, I could always order you to go out with me."

This time it was Kent's turn to laugh. "I don't think that will be necessary."

* * *

"Kent, I have a proposition for you," Chandler began nervously as the both of them were in his office one week later.

"Not that I mind, but are you sure we should really do this in your office in front of everyone?" Kent replied with a straight face, causing the files the DI was holding in hands to tumble unceremoniously to the floor.

Kent couldn't resist teasing Chandler when he was like this. Even though they hadn't actually been intimate with each other yet, Kent sensed that Chandler was close to taking that last step, but as usual, he wouldn't let his guard down, even for Kent. So he would get even by teasing the DI every now and then, dropping suggestive innuendos when the opportunity presented itself when they were alone.

Chandler bent down to pick up the strewn files from the floor knowing Buchan would probably have a fit if his precious files got mixed up. Kent bent down to help him when his fingers accidentally brushed against Chandler's as they reached for the same file.

Kent's breath caught in his throat when he saw the look the DI gave him. There was no mistaking the look of repressed desire. If Kent didn't know any better, he could have sworn that Chandler would have his way with him right then and there if they had been alone. Was it possible that he was just as frustrated as Kent was? Chandler quickly gathered the rest of the papers and kept a safe distance from Kent in the small area of his office, which became smaller and warmer all of a sudden.

"That isn't exactly what I meant," replied Chandler after he was able to regain his composure. "I have an aunt who has a country estate in Somerset. I thought it would be a nice weekend getaway. We both could use a break."

Chandler had wanted to make it up to Kent for avoiding him these past few weeks as he was still trying to come to grips with his feelings for his DC and what he wanted from their relationship. Chandler had protested the idea of going away at first, giving the excuse that he couldn't get away in the middle of an investigation, but finally relented after much prodding and kicking by Miles. Admittedly, he needed to get away from everything work related. Maybe it would give him a fresh perspective on the case at hand. Plus it was an opportunity to spend some much needed alone time with Kent. He knew that Kent missed being together, despite his protests that he would wait patiently for him. Chandler really wanted to make this relationship work. He was trying harder than ever before in his life.

"Are you sure you want me to come along with you?" Kent asked quietly.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

"I don't believe it. You've NEVER been to the English countryside before?" Chandler asked in shock as they left the city limits on their way to Somerset Friday evening.

"Never. I'm afraid I've always been a city boy."

"Are you sure you're British? Well, that accounts for your pallor."

"Very funny. And don't tease me, Joe. I get enough of that at work."

Chandler put his arm around his shoulder and pulled Kent closely next to him. Kent rested his head against Chandler as he inhaled the faint scent of his aftershave. He wasn't just nervous about meeting Chandler's family for the first time. Kent was slightly apprehensive of Chandler's motives. Did his gesture mean that he was willing to make a serious commitment to their relationship after all? Or was he just doing this because he was afraid of losing Kent?

"You'll love the area. It's so quiet and peaceful with clean fresh air and rolling green hills as far as the eye can see. You might even be able to catch a whiff of the ocean breeze."

"Does your aunt know about me? About us?"

"I told her I was bringing someone very special with me. You don't have to worry about Aunt Rose. Out of my entire family, she's my favorite relative."

"I hope she likes me," Kent said worriedly.

Chandler squeezed Kent even tighter in reassurance. He really was adorable sometimes.

* * *

Kent thought the Victorian hotel that they had gone on their first date was impressive, but it had nothing compared to Chandler's family country estate. It was practically straight out of Downton Abbey, except it was a small scale version of the mansion. A white haired woman in her early sixties came out of the main entrance and floated down the staircase to greet them when they arrived late in the evening. She was still striking for a woman of her years and had the elegance and bearing of royalty. The genes in the Chandler family were truly blessed with physical beauty.

"Joe! It's so good to see you!" she exclaimed in obvious delight as she clasped Joe's hands.

"Hello Aunt Rose. It's been a long time," he replied giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Too long. And who is this strapping, handsome young man?" she asked, turning her attention to Kent, who blushed slightly. He wasn't used to getting a lot of compliments even though he really was attractive in his own right.

"This is Detective Constable Emerson Kent, a colleague and very good friend of mine."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Chandler," Kent replied politely, extending his hand out to her.

"What kind of a greeting is that?" she demanded in mock anger, as she rested her hands at her hips.

The older woman then wrapped her arms around the startled DC as she gave him a big hug. Kent was half expecting Chandler's aunt to be as reserved as the DI was, but she was completely the opposite of him.

"Now THAT's a greeting. We're all casual around here, as you can see. You both must be exhausted after your long drive. There are refreshments waiting for you in the parlor. I've even asked the kitchen staff to prepare a special late supper as well."

"That was very thoughtful of you Aunt Rose, but we don't want to make a fuss."

"Speak for yourself. This is Emerson's first time here. It's my prerogative to spoil him if I wish to. What a horrible host you are, Joe," Rose Chandler teased, linking her arms through Chandler and Kent's arms as they walked into the main house.

"So tell me all about yourself, Emerson. What's it like working with my nephew? Is he a bit of an ogre some of the time or all of the time?"

Kent decided that he liked Chandler's aunt very much. She seemed to love teasing Chandler as much as he did. The DI put a hand up to his head as he rubbed his forehead in agitation. Marvelous. Now he had both Kent and his aunt working against him. It was going to be a very long weekend.

_To Be Continued_


	10. Critical Mass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandler and Kent get away for some much needed alone time together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 08May2013. This was written before we were given a peek into Chandler's past.

Chandler knocked on the door to Kent's suite early next morning to let him know that breakfast was ready. When he didn't answer, Chandler slowly opened the door and came in. He smiled as he saw Kent still fast asleep. Despite the size of the huge four poster bed, he was curled up only on one side of it. He was probably not used to having so much space. Chandler went over to the bed and sat on the side Kent was facing and regarded him while he slept peacefully.

The last time he saw him like this, it was the night Kent had stayed at his apartment to watch over him after his drinking binge. Never in a million years did he even hazard to guess that during that whole time, Kent had been in love with him. Chandler should have realized something was up as Kent had gone far above and beyond the call of duty. It made sense now, as he looked back. Sometimes, he didn't feel worthy of Kent's love and devotion. Kent didn't ask for a lot. But the problem was that what little he asked for, Chandler couldn't give him…at least, not yet.

"Wake up sleepy head," Chandler whispered softly in Kent's ear. "Time to get up."

"Joe? What time is it?" Kent asked drowsily as he focused his gaze on Chandler, while rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Seven thirty."

"In the morning?!"

Kent gave him a look of disbelief at having been woken up so early when he still had at least another few hours since it was Saturday. Good Lord. Chandler was strict even on days off.

"You woke me up just to tell me that?" He turned over and put the pillow over his head in protest. "Wake me up when it's nine thirty."

Chandler pried the pillow off of Kent's head and turned him around.

"This may be Saturday, but as long as you are a guest here, you must abide by the house rules. And that means getting up and showing up for meals at the appointed time. Breakfast just happens to be ready. If I can get up early after driving all the way from London last night, then so can you."

"Do I have to?" he replied petulantly. "You didn't tell me this was part of the deal when I agreed to come with you."

"Well, you have two choices. Either you eat now or starve later. It's up to you."

"Your aunt is right. You really ARE an ogre sometimes," Kent replied getting up reluctantly, knowing that he couldn't win this round.

"Before you get ready, there's something I forgot to tell you."

"What?" he asked, dreading that there were more house rules he had to abide by.

Chandler leaned over to kiss him softly. Kent wrapped his arms around Chandler's neck, bringing the DI against his body, encouraging him to continue. Kent couldn't get enough of Chandler and the other man knew it. Chandler's lips teased and molded Kent's lips as his hands rested at the DC's slim waist, tuning his body expertly like a musician would tune his instrument. It had been far too long since their last kiss.

"I forgot to say good morning," he replied softly against Kent's lips, before leaving the room.

Kent smiled as he got ready for the day. He could get used to being woken up this way.

* * *

"Emerson, would you like to see pictures of Joe when he was younger?" Aunt Rose asked as they gathered in the drawing room after lunch.

"I would love to see them!" Kent replied eagerly.

"No, he doesn't," Chandler interjected firmly. He did not want Kent to see his formative years, where he had felt awkward and out of place among his peers even though he had excelled at every level.

"Joe, that's rude. And besides, you're not the boss of Emerson when you two are away from work."

Kent wrinkled his nose childishly at Chandler and went to sit next to the older woman.

"You had the family album already in hand?" Chandler asked, quirking an eyebrow up questioningly.

"Don't I always?"

"No, you don't. In fact, the last time you took it out was when I graduated from University."

"Hush. Stop being so contrary."

Kent stifled the urge to laugh. It was refreshing to see someone else boss the DI around for a change.

Aunt Rose started showing every picture of Chandler from the time he was a baby through his early years in the police force. Kent enjoyed seeing him grow up before his eyes. Chandler, unfortunately, sat miserably in the corner as Aunt Rose regaled embarrassing stories that accompanied certain pictures.

"Oh, this is my favorite one. This was after the school play when Joe was only seven years old. Isn't he adorable?"

"Why is everyone smiling except for him?"

"Unfortunately, he was so nervous about reading his part that he threw up moments before they took a picture of the cast."

Chandler silently groaned in embarrassment. She would never let him live that one down. Kent couldn't stop himself from laughing this time. After a while, he decided to put Chandler out of his misery. He obviously had more than enough.

"As much as I would love to see the rest of these photographs, Joe did promise to give me a riding lesson. Shouldn't we get going?" Kent asked pointing his direction towards Chandler.

The other man smiled in relief, grateful for the timely intervention as he was granted a reprieve.

"Yes, we really should get going. I don't want to break my promise, after all."

"I'll tell Ben to saddle up the horses for you. Run along now and have fun."

"Joe, what I said earlier in the drawing room. It was only an excuse to leave. You don't have to go through with it."

"Oh, no you don't. I'm not letting you get out of this. I'm going to give you a riding lesson whether you like it or not."

"Wait, just a minute. I wasn't really serious about learning to ride a horse."

"You have only yourself to blame for this, Kent. You wouldn't want to disappoint dear Aunt Rose, would you?" Chandler answered silkily.

Kent narrowed his eyes as he gave Chandler a very annoyed look.

"Jerk. That's what I get for feeling sorry for you."

"Never underestimate me. You have no idea what I'm capable of," Chandler said smiling mischievously.

* * *

"Don't you dare laugh at me, Joseph Chandler," Kent warned him as he failed at mounting his horse's saddle, falling unceremoniously to the ground. "It was your idea to teach me how to ride a horse. Not mine."

Chandler smiled broadly as he extended his hand out to Kent to help him to his feet.

"Just relax, Kent. There's nothing to it."

"Easy for you to say. You've probably done this hundreds of times. This is my first time on a horse. I'm willing to do my part but Thunder has to meet me half-way. It's only fair."

"It doesn't quite work that way," Chandler replied patiently. "The key is stay relaxed. Your horse knows what he's doing, but he'll take his cues from you. He can sense even the slightest bit of fear from you. If you appear afraid, he'll think you are."

"And he would be absolutely correct."

With a few more helpful tips from Chandler, Kent was able to mount his horse and got the hang of steering the beast. He was even able to manage a trot, as Chandler followed close by with a watchful eye.

All of a sudden, Thunder reared up on his hind legs as something spooked the stallion. Kent was thrown backwards and landed hard on the ground. Chandler dismounted and ran over to him. His immediate concern was that Kent had either broken some bones or had damaged his spinal cord. He prayed that it wasn't the latter. The frightened horse wandered over to Kent's body and nuzzled his head with its muzzle, as if to apologize for throwing him off.

"Oh great, NOW you're being nice to me," Kent thought to himself as he tried to come out of his daze.

"Kent! Kent, are you awake? Please answer me!" Chandler asked worriedly, as he knelt beside Kent's body lying still on the ground.

"Does everything hurt?" Kent murmured, fluttering his eyelids slowly open.

"I'm sure it does," he replied, his face showing relief that Kent was conscious.

"Then I'm awake," Kent answered. He grimaced in pain as he slowly got up from the ground.

"Kent, what is it? Is the pain coming from your back?"

"I think I might have strained my shoulder when I landed," he replied grabbing his left deltoid muscle. "It's not as bad as it looks."

"Are you sure it's not separated?"

"Positive. I would be in a lot more pain if I was. I learned that the hard way in gym class once. How's Thunder doing?"

"He's a little spooked, but he'll be ok. I'm more worried about you, though. Can you walk on your own?"

"I'll be fine. I'm sure all it needs is some ice and time to heal."

"You don't have to pretend with me, Kent. That was a very hard fall you took there."

"Relax, Joe. I'm not as weak as I may appear to some people."

"No, you certainly are not. Let's get you back to the house and get some ice on that shoulder before it stiffens up."

He felt Chandler's arm encircle his waist keeping him close to his side as they walked back to the main house. It was almost as if he was afraid that Kent would fall if he didn't support him in his arms.

"I appreciate the helping hand, but I can walk on my own."

"I know," Chandler replied softly, while tightening his grip and bringing the smaller man even closer to him.

Kent gave no further protests.

* * *

"How's the shoulder doing?" Chandler asked later that evening.

"It's only just a little sore now. Don't worry about it."

"I can't help but feel that it's my fault. I was the one who forced you to go horseback riding. Look what happened on your first outing."

"I guess it was kind of both of our faults. Really, I'm fine. If only I could reach this one spot," he said, gently rotating his sore shoulder.

"Turn around."

"What?" Kent asked in complete surprise.

"I said turn around."

Kent obeyed when he heard the firmness in his voice. Chandler started to gently massage his strained shoulder muscles. It felt good to relieve the tightness. It was beginning to feel better already. Chandler's hands were also beginning to stir something within Kent as he gently kneaded his tender flesh.

"Is that better?"

Kent turned his head and looked over his shoulder as he placed his hand over Chandler's hand, looking up into his eyes.

"Much better," he replied softly.

Chandler turned Kent around so that he could hold the smaller man in his arms. He reached up to cradle Kent's cheek with his free hand, letting his thumb caress his skin. The way he was looking at Chandler, it was almost impossible not to want to reach out and touch him. Kent trembled at his touch. No one else could make him feel and react this way.

"When I saw you lying on the ground today, I thought the worst had happened to you. Now I know how you must have felt when you found out that I got shot. It's the worst feeling in the world. I felt like a part of me died."

"You really do care for me," Kent replied in awe. To hear him admit it out loud made Kent's heart beat faster.

Chandler bent down to claim his lips in a passionate kiss, making him moan in familiar pleasure. He loved the way that Kent let his pleasure be made known so freely and openly.

"Don't ever doubt it," Chandler remarked huskily as they parted, both trying to catch their breaths.

"I won't, if you keep kissing me like that."

Chandler smiled and wrapped his arms around him, resting his hands at the small of Kent's back.

"Do you feel like taking a walk with me? We could watch the sunset before supper."

"You're so romantic. I'd love to."

* * *

"This was a wonderful idea," Kent remarked as he and Chandler watched the last rays of sunlight disappear over the horizon. They sat against a large oak tree by the lake and had a terrific view of the sun setting before their eyes. The streaks of orange and red in the painted sky added to the surreal image as daylight was settling into the early evening. Birds began to sing their evening song as crickets joined along in the merry chorus. It was almost like a scene out of a pastoral painting. Kent now understood why people wanted to live in the country. He never would have been able to experience a sunset like this back in the city.

"It's so beautiful and peaceful. I'm glad you asked me to come along."

"This place has always had special meaning for me. My father would take me here every summer when I was a child."

"I knew it! I wasn't completely sure at first, but that picture of the little boy sitting in a garden that I saw at your flat WAS you, wasn't it? And it was taken here in your country estate."

"Very observant, DC Kent. But I must remind you that you are officially off duty."

"So are you. I must say, you were very cute as a child. Nothing's changed since."

"You might be just a little biased," he replied in embarrassment.

"Come to think of it, this is the first time you've ever mentioned your father."

"There's not much to tell. He passed away several years ago."

"I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be. It was his time."

Chandler spoke without any emotion, as though he was talking about a stranger rather than his own father.

"He must have been very proud of you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Any father would be proud to have a son like you."

Chandler looked conflicted, but covered his reaction by quickly changing the subject.

"We probably should head back. It's almost time for supper."

"Just a few more minutes. I don't want to leave just yet. I wish I brought my jacket with me, though," Kent replied, shivering slightly.

Chandler solved the problem by wrapping his arms around Kent, sheltering the young man from the evening chill as he brought him against his chest.

"How's this? It's not a jacket, but it's better than nothing."

"I like this better," Kent replied, happily leaning his head back against Chandler's collar bone and turning his face into the curve of the other man's neck.

It was uncanny that Chandler was so different when they were away from the city and the pressures of their profession. He was relaxed and uninhibited. He was free with his emotions and feelings, especially with Kent. It was though he could be himself. Oh, how Kent wished that this weekend would never end.

"What are you thinking about, Kent?" Chandler asked after a few moments of silence.

"Do you really want to know?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

"I was just wondering why it can't always be this way with us."

"Because life isn't always quite so simple," Chandler answered solemnly.

Kent turned around and reached up to frame Chandler's face with his hands, pressing a gentle kiss against his lips.

"It can be as simple as that. You just have to trust in your heart and trust in me as I trust in you."

Chandler pressed his forehead against Kent's forehead; his actions speaking volumes reflecting the uncertainty he was experiencing and his internal struggle to allow himself to love Kent like he wanted to.

"I wish I had your faith," he replied softly.

Kent wrapped his arms around Chandler and felt the other man encircle his arms around him as the stars began to twinkle in the sky above them. Aunt Rose watched from a distance and smiled in satisfaction before walking back towards the house. Supper could wait just a little longer tonight.

* * *

"Oh Emerson, I forgot to mention that there's a festival this week in town. There are so many different activities and events. I think you would enjoy it if you've never been to one of these affairs," Aunt Rose commented the next morning during breakfast.

"We haven't made any plans yet for today," Kent answered, looking uncertainly over at Chandler. "What do you think, Joe? Shall we have a go at it?"

"Why not? It might be fun."

"I thought you didn't do fun," Kent quipped teasingly.

"I'll have you know that my nephew has a wonderful sense of humor and zest for adventure," Mrs. Chandler protested gently.

"Thank you Aunt Rose."

"Not at all. It's just a matter of finding it," the older woman replied, not missing the opportunity to tease her nephew as well.

"Very funny. As much as I would love to be the target of your teasing, I need to make a few calls. I just got a text message from headquarters," Chandler excused himself as he left the dining room.

"Well, I guess it's just you and me, Emerson. Joe told me about your accident. He just feels terrible about what happened. Are you all right?"

"Just a little sore. Nothing that rest won't cure."

"I'm so glad to hear it. I hope you won't hold it against Thunder. He's really a sweet horse."

"Of course I won't. It's not his fault. And anyway, I'm not exactly the best rider in the world."

"Well, with a couple of more lessons, I'm sure you'll be riding up a storm in no time. Feel free to come and visit anytime."

"You've been so gracious, Mrs. Chandler. I don't know how to thank you."

"Oh pish tosh. We're all friends around here. No need to be so formal."

Kent smiled at the older woman who had welcomed him with open arms. He was glad that Chandler had brought him here to meet her. Perhaps she would have the answers to the questions he was looking for.

"Mrs. Chandler," Kent began uncertainly. "May I ask you a personal question?"

"What is it, child?"

"What was Joe like growing up? I mean, did he have a happy childhood?"

Her smile faded slightly. "He never told you?"

"I always had the feeling that he didn't want to talk about it. I know I shouldn't be asking, but I've always wondered why Joe is the way he is. I was hoping you could help shed some light on the subject."

"You know, I really shouldn't be telling you this."

"Perhaps I shouldn't have asked. I don't want to cause a rift between you two."

"Why shouldn't you ask? Isn't that what a friend is for?"

"Are you sure he won't mind?" Kent asked uncertainly.

"Why don't you let me worry about that?"

The older woman folded her hands in her lap and took a deep breath.

"Joe should have had a happy childhood. Heaven knows he deserved to have one. If I had known back then what I know now, I would have taken him away when I could."

"I don't understand."

"You see, Joe never knew his mother. She died giving birth to him. I think Henry never recovered from the loss of his wife and sadly because of that, he didn't have any love left to give to his son."

Kent's heart ached for Chandler's loss of a mother he never knew. "Didn't his father love him, at all?"

"Only Joe can answer that. All I can tell you is that Henry had always been a strict disciplinarian. My brother-in-law was always like that. Even when my late husband, his older brother, were children, things always had to be in a certain way or he would get upset. I was surprised that he found someone who was willing to put up with his obsessive and draconian ways. But even Elizabeth couldn't change his need for order. The chief superintendent ran his household like he ran his department. From a distance and with a strong fist. It only worsened with his wife's untimely passing."

"But Joe told me that his father would bring him here in the summer when he was younger. That doesn't sound like the actions of someone who doesn't care."

"He did bring Joe here. But he didn't stay with him. Henry would drop him off and then pick him up at the end of the summer. The only time he ever called was to see when he could pick Joe up. The rest of the year, he was sent to boarding school."

"Surely, Joe could have lived with someone else?"

"As long has Joe was healthy and taken care of, there was no justification to take him away from his father. And besides, no one knew what was going on until after Henry died. Joe had everything that money could buy…except for a father's acceptance and love. Although he would have been happier living in a loving environment, Joe would never have left his father even if he had been given a choice."

"You mean he stayed in that toxic environment willingly?" Kent asked incredulously.

"Sadly, yes. And if anyone tried to take his son away from him, I doubt that a proud man like Henry would have allowed them to interfere with the way he ran his household."

"There's something I don't understand. If Joe was unhappy, why would he even want to follow in his father's footsteps and become a policeman like him? I thought that he would have resented it."

"Joe loved Henry because he was his father. He could never understand why Henry couldn't return his love. His father wasn't unkind to him, but he wasn't affectionate or demonstrative either. Joe lived in a world full of rules and discipline, but no affection and without a mother's love. Even at a very young age, Joe knew that nothing he did was ever good enough to meet up to his father's expectations. He was so desperate for attention that he didn't care how he got it. Even if it meant following in his father's footsteps."

"Is that why he feels the need to be in control all of the time? Because of the way that his father was, and how he treated Joe?"

"That's certainly a reasonable assumption. He's convinced himself that being in control is equivalent to security and normalcy because it's all he's ever known. Even after Henry's death, when Joe was free to be himself again, he could not let go of his need for control. This is just speculation on my part, but I think that if he feels is in control, he won't allow himself to get hurt. Because he has never truly been shown love, he doesn't know how to accept it or return it. It makes it all the more difficult for him to reach out to people."

"You mean like in a personal relationship?"

She nodded affirmatively. "I think deep down, he feels that he's not worthy to be loved. That there was something wrong with him because his own father did not love him. I love my nephew very much. It pains me to see him repeating the same mistakes."

"But he's wrong. He's so very wrong," Kent protested passionately. "He doesn't have to keep himself chained to the past. I know he has the courage to break the vicious cycle and live the life he wants to live."

The older woman smiled at Kent.

"Maybe you can change his mind then. It's obvious to me that you care for my nephew very very much."

"You knew?" he asked uneasily, not quite certain how the older woman would react.

"I have eyes, haven't I? I knew the minute I met you. I can tell whenever you look at Joe."

"I…I didn't know how you would feel about us being together."

The older woman reached over to cover Kent's hand reassuringly.

"I just want Joe to be happy. I think he can be with the right person supporting him."

"Tell me the truth, Mrs. Chandler. Am I being realistic in thinking that Joe will be able to give all of himself to me? Am I just deceiving myself thinking he'll ever change?"

"It won't be easy. He's lived his entire life this way and he's convinced himself that he can't change. But you can't give up hope. The fact that he brought you here is proof of that. "

Chandler entered the room and looked between the two of them suspiciously.

Kent looked away distractedly. After hearing about his sad past, he didn't want to show how much it affected him in front of Chandler.

"Joe! What took you so long? I was going to send out a search party for you."

"I'm sorry, but something just came up. Kent, we have to get back to London. There's been another murder in Whitechapel."

"I'll get packed right away," Kent replied, grateful for the chance to escape. "Thank you so much for your hospitality Mrs. Chandler."

"Not at all. You must come and visit me again."

Kent smiled at her fondly. "I'd like that. Goodbye."

"What were you and Kent talking about?" Chandler asked after he left.

"Oh, this and that," she replied vaguely.

"You didn't go and meddle in my personal life again, did you?" he asked suspiciously.

"I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about."

"Haven't you? I haven't forgotten that disastrous blind date you made me go on a few years ago."

"It might have been successful if you weren't so picky."

"I am NOT picky. I just have certain standards."

"Some very unattainable ones that no one could ever think of measuring up to," she corrected him.

Chandler nodded his head in agreement.

"Perhaps. But I'm trying to change my ways." He was trying hard to change for his own sake as well for Kent.

"And I'm proud of you. I know it's a big step."

"I promise to come again soon."

"You better bring back Emerson with you. He's such a nice young man."

Chandler smiled at her before taking his leave. "Goodbye Aunt Rose."

"Joe?" she said when he reached for the door.

"Yes?"

"You have excellent taste," she replied, giving him a playful wink, which made the DI turn beet red.

* * *

"I'm sorry we had to cut our weekend short," Chandler said apologetically when they reached Kent's flat to drop off his luggage.

"It wasn't your fault. Duty calls for both of us."

"But I wanted it to be special for you."

"It WAS special," Kent replied softly. "I can see why Aunt Rose is your favorite relative."

"I'm glad you both got along so well. By the way, what did you two talk about before I came in?"

Kent took a deep breath, bracing himself for Chandler's reaction. He couldn't lie to him.

"She told me about your childhood…and about your father."

Chandler's countenance changed abruptly.

"She had no right to do that," he replied angrily. "My aunt never did know when to quit."

"Please don't be angry with her. She told me because I asked her to tell me."

His blue eyes gazed icily over Kent, making him uncomfortable. Kent didn't like seeing him like this.

"What were you hoping to find? Something to blackmail me with, emotionally?" Chandler shot back viciously. Not only had he felt betrayed by his aunt, but also by the one person he thought would never betray him.

Kent flinched at the venom in Chandler's voice. It reminded him of the time he had been angry at him for accusing Morgan of being an accomplice in the Bogeyman murder case.

"You actually think I had some sort of ulterior motive? That I would use your emotions to manipulate you?" Kent asked in disbelief.

"Isn't that what you do whenever I can't give you what you want?" he replied coldly.

Kent fought back the emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. He knew that Chandler was speaking out of anger, but it didn't make the choice of words hurt any less.

"Why are you doing this, Joe?"

"I'm my father's son, aren't I?" he said sarcastically. "I don't know how to accept or return love. Isn't that my aunt told you?"

"I know you're hurt that I didn't come to you first and that I went behind your back. And for that I'm truly sorry, but it wasn't like I was trying to dig up some dirt so I could use it against you. I only wanted to understand where you were coming from. I wanted you to be able to live unburdened by the past. That's why I asked your aunt to tell me what happened. So that we can try to move forward and have a future together. And that you could be free to love me."

"I can't have a future with someone who will go to such extreme measures to get what he wants. And I could never love someone I can't trust."

"You can't possibly mean that. You're just upset right now."

"Don't you dare patronize me, Kent. I always mean what I say. In light of the circumstances, I think we should take a break from each other."

"I don't understand. Why is it such a sin to want to be with you without the burden of your past?" Kent pleaded desperately. "Why is it such a crime to want you to give all of yourself to me?"

"Because you ask too much. You want me to give up something that I'm not ready to give up. And you want me to change my entire way of living. I've never done that for anyone. And I'm not about to start now."

"You were willing to try for me. Isn't that what this weekend was for?"

"And look what I got in return for my efforts. Make no mistake. I will never allow that to happen again."

"Joe, please. Can't we talk about this?"

"We have more pressing matters to attend to right now. I told Miles that we would meet the rest of the team at the crime scene. I suggest you pull yourself together."

And with that being said, there was no more discussion on the subject. Kent followed Chandler in mute silence back to his car. Chandler said nothing as they drove to meet the others, keeping his gaze forward as he weaved through traffic. His thoughts were unreadable. The only thing Kent could do was stare out the window from the passenger side. He rested his fist against his chin and bit his lower lip to keep himself from breaking down in front of Chandler. It was at times like these that he hated the sensitive side of his personality. He wished he could just detach his emotions and act as if nothing had happened. But he couldn't do it this time. Not when his heart was breaking.

For the rest of the day Kent felt numb all over and practically walked around in a daze even as the team was debriefed on the most recent murder in Whitechapel. Chandler refused to make any eye contact with Kent the entire time they were at the crime scene. Which was just as well, because Kent couldn't bear to see the look of contempt in the DI's eyes. He thought he would never have to see that cold icy stare again. How he was able to get through the rest of the afternoon and focus on the case at hand was an accomplishment in itself.

When they were dismissed at the end of a long day and night, Kent quickly made his escape before Chandler had a chance to catch up with him. He decided to take the train back home so that he wouldn't have to get a ride from him. He couldn't deal with him after what happened. He needed to be alone. There were many times that Kent would come home dejected and slightly depressed, mainly from the rigors of his profession. His flat mates were used to that. But tonight, Kent was different. When he came home, he looked like he had just lost everything he had in this world. Will and Jed were considerate enough to not question his reasons for his mood and obliged his wishes to be left alone, for which Kent was truly grateful.

In the privacy of his room, Kent crumpled to his bed, both physically and emotionally exhausted. He curled up into a fetal position as he couldn't stop the tears from trickling down his cheeks. It wasn't just the fight with Chandler that had weighed heavily on his heart. It was the overall emotional roller coaster he had been on for the past few weeks that took its toll on the young man. He felt like no matter what he did, Chandler would never be able to give him what he needed. He always knew in the back of his mind that it was a possibility. He had hoped that loving Chandler would be enough to compensate for it. But reality hit him like a bucket of ice water, waking him up to the cold hard facts.

It was a no win situation. If Kent stayed with Chandler, he was only going to be subjected to more disappointment and heartache. And if he left him, Kent would have to go on without the love of his life. Kent didn't know how much more he could take. Something had to change.

_To Be Continued_


	11. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent and Chandler face their greatest challenge yet that threatens their future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 17May2013

Chandler rubbed his forehead as the migraine continued to pound away inside his head, particularly at his temples. Even the ointment balm that he usually used didn't help. Kent still had not reported in to work and he was beginning to worry that something had happened to his detective constable. He had not answered any of Chandler's messages either, which further heightened his anxieties. At first Chandler thought that Kent had either overslept or was just pouting because of their argument yesterday, but it was unlike the DC to not let anyone know if he was running late. Maybe it was Kent's way of punishing him. He wouldn't have blamed his DC if he did.

Chandler grimaced in pain and self-loathing as the memories of their fight replayed in his mind over and over again. Once again, he had taken out his frustration on the person closest to him as he reacted badly to the fact that Kent found out about his estranged relationship with his father. He hated that Kent knew. Even worse, he hated himself for hurting Kent when he was only trying to help him face his past as well as to overcome it. There was no brushing aside the fact that Chandler had acted like a cruel and heartless bastard. How could he have acted that way towards Kent, of all people? He wouldn't have treated anyone on his staff the way he had treated his youngest DC. Because it was Kent, his emotions had run high and he couldn't control the harsh words that spewed from his mouth. What exactly did Kent mean to him? Chandler was clearly attracted to him physically, as well as emotionally. Was it because he was truly in love with his detective constable that he had reacted so badly? He was confused now more than ever.

Although Kent knew about his previous demons, the fact he now knew about his past made Chandler feel raw and exposed, as if he had lost the last remaining piece of armor he had left to protect himself from his true feelings for him. When Kent went behind his back to find out about his past, it had hurt him deeply. If he had really been honest with himself, he would have realized immediately that Kent never had any evil intentions. But he had reacted without thinking; almost like a frightened cornered animal that was desperate to get away from danger when threatened. And as always, his first reaction whenever he felt he was cornered was to lash out in anger. But even in his blind anger, Chandler couldn't ignore the hurt and confusion in Kent's eyes.

Chandler looked at his phone and was about to call Kent again for what seemed like the millionth time, but resisted the urge. Instead, he sat down at his desk and began counting the colored tacks on his desk as he felt his control beginning to slip. He couldn't be thinking about his personal life during working hours. Thinking about his relationship with Kent was making him lose sight of his duties and responsibilities. He had a job to do. He had always been able to put aside his personal issues and perform his job, in spite of how he was feeling emotionally. So why was it that he couldn't he focus on a single damn thing?

After a few minutes, Miles entered his office to drop off a historical file, catching the DI at a bad time.

"Miles, haven't you ever heard of knocking?" he replied in irritation.

"Aren't WE in a pissy mood this morning?" the DS shot back. "What's the matter?"

"Kent hasn't reported in yet. It's not like him to be so late for work."

"Don't worry about the lad. Maybe he overslept or something. After all, we did work late last night. No need to get your knickers in a twist."

"Who said I was worried?" Chandler replied defensively.

Miles pointed his gaze towards the colored tacks aligned in perfect formation and sorted by color on the DI's desk. He had seen this behavior once too often and knew what it meant.

"Why don't you try calling him?"

"Don't you think I've done that already? He's not responding to any of my messages."

"Hmmm. That's not like Kent. Come to think of it, he was unusually quiet yesterday. Maybe he's avoiding you."

"It was a Sunday and we all had to work over time. Everyone was out of sorts," Chandler replied quickly.

"Including you, sir."

"Miles, if you have something to say, I wish you would just come out and say it."

"Fine. I think you should go and apologize to Kent for whatever happened between you two."

"Why do you always assume that I'm the one at fault?"

"You usually are," Miles retorted without hesitation. "Isn't that what happened last time as well when Kent left your office in anger?"

"I didn't realize you were keeping score. And anyway, why should I be the one to apologize first?"

"Because it's probably just as much your fault as it his. And you'll never be satisfied until you've cleared the air between you two. And, because I can't stand it when you're this moody."

"I can't apologize to him if he's avoiding my calls."

"Then apologize when he shows up. God almighty, you act like such a girl sometimes," Miles said as a matter of fact, and left the DI's office.

* * *

When Kent finally came into the office later that morning, he didn't even bother to check in with Chandler to give an excuse for his tardiness. He couldn't really blame the younger man for avoiding him. His heart constricted tightly in his chest as he could tell even from his office that Kent's eyes were red, no doubt from crying. But there was a different look in them today. One could almost describe it as a look of hopelessness that he never thought he would see. Chandler was going to call him into his office to check on him, but decided against it. He would give Kent his space and leave him alone for now. Maybe he would be in a better mood by the end of the day.

* * *

"Could I talk to you?" Kent's voice asked from the door of Chandler's office.

He had waited until everyone left for the evening before confronting the DI. Kent knew that he couldn't hide from him forever. Chandler got up from his desk and walked over to him.

"I've been worried about you all day," Chandler said softly, his voice reflecting concern.

"I'm sorry for being late. I was busy with something."

"Like avoiding my text and voice messages?"

The DC lowered his gaze to the floor guiltily. He had read each text and heard each voice message, but didn't respond for fear that he might change his mind.

"That was rude of me. I apologize."

"I should be the one apologizing. I was angry yesterday and I took it out on you. I didn't mean what I said."

"Yes, you did," Kent automatically corrected him.

Chandler's face reflected surprise that Kent was so direct with his assessment of the situation.

"Nevertheless, it was no excuse for the way I behaved. I'm sorry, Kent. Please say that you'll forgive me."

Kent's thoughts were unreadable as he took a moment to discern if Chandler's intentions were genuine. In his eyes, he found that the DI was truly remorseful for his actions.

"Apology accepted."

"Really?"

The younger man sighed in resignation. "Really."

"Thank you. What was it that you wanted to talk about?"

Kent handed him a thin stack of papers in a manila folder. "I need your signature on this requisition. It's urgent."

Chandler scanned the papers and looked up at Kent in shock and disbelief. He had not anticipated this chain of events.

"You can't be serious about this. Is this some sort of twisted joke?"

"I'm dead serious. I want to be transferred to another division, effective immediately."

"I didn't think you were the type of person to act so rashly. I know you must still be angry, but…"

"Give me a little credit, would you?" Kent interrupted him abruptly. "This is not about my hurt feelings. I'm not that petty. You ought to know that by now."

"Then what the hell is this all about? And what about us?" he demanded tossing the requisition papers haphazardly on his desk, not caring for once that it disturbed his orderly arrangement. "Or did that play any part in your sudden decision?"

"You should be thanking me for giving you a way out. Now, you won't have to be inconvenienced by this relationship anymore."

"Don't play games with me, Kent. Just tell me why you're doing this."

"Do you really want to know why I don't wish to continue with this farce of a relationship? It's quite simple. You continue to take out your frustrations on me when all I've ever wanted was to be with you. You tell me that you want to be with me and yet you keep me at arm's length when things get too uncomfortable for you. You refuse to let me be part of your life because you won't allow yourself to love me. And you dare ask me why?"

"I've been trying to change my ways. Doesn't that tell you that I want us to be together?"

"You have a funny way of showing it. Do you always accuse people that you want to be with of manipulating your emotions?"

"I never said I was perfect," Chandler replied quietly. "I thought you understood that."

"I understand more than you give me credit for. Did I make demands on you? Did I once ever ask you to change for me?"

Chandler lowered his gaze to the floor and replied "You didn't have to."

"Joe, I know you're trying and I appreciate it because you did it for my sake, but I'm afraid it's not enough," Kent answered sadly. "Not anymore. I can't keep doing this. And working with you day after day knowing that you may never be able to give me what I need is slowly killing me. I thought things would get better after our stay in Somerset. I even thought that…"

Kent stopped in mid-sentence, not wanting to admit that he believed that Chandler was beginning to fall in love with him. "Things have changed."

"Are you saying that you don't love me anymore?" Chandler asked meeting Kent's eyes, his voice trembling slightly with fear and uncertainty.

"I will always love you, Joe. But I'm only human. There's only so much that I can take. I've given you every chance to reciprocate my feelings, but you won't trust me. Not with your past and not with your heart. And every time I try to reach out to you, you slam the door in my face. Even before we were dating, you took your frustrations out on me when I was only trying to protect you. I'm tired of trying and getting nothing in return. And I'm tired of being your emotional punching bag."

"I won't let you do this!" Chandler replied vehemently, grabbing Kent's shoulders. "I won't let you throw away everything we have together."

Kent lowered his eyes to the floor again, not being able to meet Chandler's gaze.

"I'm afraid you can't stop me. I'm not blaming you for everything. You can't help the way you feel. I was naïve to think that loving you was enough to make up for the fact that you could never commit yourself to me."

Chandler reached over to gently grab Kent's chin, forcing him to meet his gaze.

"I've never cared for anyone the way that I care about you. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to admit that I had feelings for you, Kent? Does that even mean anything to you?"

Kent pulled away, not being able to bear his touch for fear that he would change his mind about leaving.

"Of course I realize that. But you're not willing to give all of yourself to me. As long as that's the case, it will always come between us. And you will always have that option open to leave me if you wanted to. I'm sorry, but I can't live that way anymore. I won't."

Chandler had a completely lost look in his eyes. He couldn't lose Kent, but if he gave in to his true heart's desire, he would lose the control that had ruled his entire existence up to this point in his life. He knew that that Kent had every right to leave, and he was in no position to make demands when he was the one that had driven Kent to his decision. He had no business asking Kent to give him a second chance, but he had to try.

"Tell me what I have to do to change your mind. Tell me what will make you stay."

Kent looked at Chandler straight in the eyes, challenging him to meet his needs.

"Tell me that you want me to be a part of your life. Tell me that you love me enough to let go of your fears and insecurities. Tell me that you want to be with me in every way. If you can do that, I'll tear these papers up right now."

Kent was still giving him a chance, in spite of everything. But even with that reprieve, Chandler couldn't do what Kent was asking, no matter how much he wanted to. Kent stared at him with a pained look in his eyes as Chandler's damning silence gave away his answer.

A heavy silence permeated the small office as neither of them said anything.

"I'll have these forms submitted first thing in the morning," Chandler replied quietly.

There was nothing else left to say. When Kent had left the building, Chandler turned around and angrily swiped his arm across his desk causing everything on the surface to scatter randomly across the floor. He collapsed into his chair and leaned forward, raking his hands through his hair and hung his head down in abject defeat. He could have stopped this from happening. He should have stopped it, but his stubbornness and reluctance to put his trust in Kent prevented him from following his heart yet again. Now he knew without a shadow of doubt that he loved Kent. But his revelation came a little too late. Kent was leaving. And he had no one to blame, but himself.

* * *

"Joe? What are you doing here?" Rose Chandler asked in concern as her nephew burst in through the door to his family estate in Somerset later that same night, as he entered into the living room. "You look like hell. What's the matter?"

Chandler collapsed into the nearest armchair. He had driven non-stop ever since Kent dropped his bombshell on him.

"He's leaving me, Aunt Rose," he replied quietly, staring out vacantly into the fireplace with his head leaning against the back cushion of the armchair, facing away from her. After he finished cleaning up his office, he just started driving until he ended up in Somerset.

"Emerson? But why?"

"It's my fault. I drove him away. I not only broke his heart, I made him leave the job that he loves, as well. I knew something like this going to happen again. I just knew it."

"What did you do, Joe?" the older woman asked suspiciously.

"We had a fight. I got mad at Kent for digging up my past and learning about father. I accused him of using that knowledge to manipulate me in our relationship."

"Bollocks! What utter rubbish!"

Chandler turned his attention towards the older woman who had placed her clenched fists against her hips angrily.

"I beg your pardon?" he replied in confusion.

"For your information young man, I was the one that insisted that he know about what happened to you. If you want to be angry at someone, then blame me. Emerson didn't think it would be right for me to tell you. He was worried that it would cause a rift between us. I told him that it would be all right."

Chandler stared in incredulous disbelief at the one person who had been the tiny bit of light in his youth.

"How could you do that to me? I trusted you."

"I did it for you," the older woman replied softly. "Joe, Emerson needed to know. He only wanted to understand."

"He told me that…and I didn't believe him. I didn't want to believe him. I've made such a mess of everything."

"I've always thought you were your own worst enemy. Every time you have a chance for happiness, you sabotage yourself with your negative thoughts and feelings of worthlessness."

"They're not without merit."

"I've never for a moment believed that and Emerson obviously doesn't either. Otherwise, he wouldn't have asked me if there was a chance that you would ever change for him."

"I can't change my ways. I tried to tell him that, but he never understood."

"It's too late, Joe. You already have changed. Being with Emerson has changed you, whether you realize it or not."

"What am I going to do? I don't want him to leave."

"Are you talking personally or professionally?"

"Both," Chandler admitted softly.

"You can't make a person stay if he wants to leave. But that doesn't mean you can't try to change his mind."

"I don't know if I can do it. What if I try to convince him to stay and he still wants to leave?"

The older woman went over to her nephew to tilt his chin up. "I have faith in you, Joe. If you really love Emerson, you'll know what you need to do. Your father didn't know what he was missing by not being a part of your life. He's taken away so much from you. Don't let what he did in the past keep you from a chance at happiness now."

After a moment of contemplation, Chandler got up to leave when she stopped him.

"You're going back now? You can't leave in your condition. I bet you haven't even eaten yet."

"I'm really not hungry right now. Besides, I should get back to London."

"Why don't you stay tonight? I'll make you something myself since the kitchen staff has already retired for the evening."

"I appreciate the thought, but I've caused enough trouble for one day. Don't worry. I'll be all right."

Chandler reached over and gave his aunt a warm hug.

"Thank you, Aunt Rose."

"You can thank me by bringing back Emerson the next time you visit."

* * *

"Emerson, don't you think that enough is enough?" Jed asked as the three flat mates gathered together for supper the following night.

"Don't you like what I made?"

"That's not what Jed's talking about and you know it," Will chimed in.

"Not you too. Look, I tried my best to make it work with Joe. But it's over now. End of story."

"You always were a terrible liar. You're still in love with him, aren't you?" Jed replied suspiciously.

"I appreciate your concern; both of you. But frankly, it's none of your business. He made his decision and I made mine. And in two weeks' time, I'll finally be free. We both will."

"You can't fool us. Face it, Emerson. You're not dealing with the problem. You're running away from it."

"You really have no idea what you're talking about. And I'm not in the mood to share the details of my failed relationship."

"Will's right you know. If you're willing to throw in the towel after one fight, how do you expect to make it when times are really tough? Being in a relationship takes work and commitment. Weren't you always telling us that running away never solves anything?"

Kent was silent as he absorbed his flat mates' words of wisdom.

"You two picked a great time to make sense," Kent replied begrudgingly.

"Just have another go at it. At least talk to him. What have you got to lose?

"Everything. Even if I changed my mind, I couldn't. He's already submitted the papers for my transfer."

"Do you really want to leave the Whitechapel division? After all, that's where you first started off."

"I don't want to leave. I have to."

* * *

"Kent, we need to talk," Chandler said to the DC as he caught him leaving the witness room.

"I'm sorry, but I'm on my way out," he replied quickly, not wanting to be alone with the DI.

"Please?"

Kent looked up into his eyes and silently cursed Chandler for his mysterious way of making people fall for him.

"I'll meet you on the roof in five minutes."

Kent stared after Chandler as he walked down the stairs back to his office. What could he possibly want to talk about now?

* * *

Kent shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and let out a sigh of apprehension. He was so engrossed in his own thoughts that he didn't hear Chandler come up behind him. When he put a hand on his shoulder, Kent literally jumped back in surprise.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

"What did you want to talk about, as if I couldn't already guess?"

"I just want to talk. I agreed to sign the approval of your requisition for a transfer, Kent. I don't agree with your decision, but I respect your wishes."

"How noble of you," Kent retorted sarcastically. The sarcasm dripping from his voice was uncharacteristic of the usually amiable and accommodating DC. "Is that the only reason why you wanted to talk to me?"

Chandler felt his heart twist in pain. To think he had caused Kent to react this way, saddened him greatly.

"We only have two weeks left together before your last day. Couldn't we have a truce until then? For the sake of keeping the peace and our sanity?"

"You mean you're not going to try to stop me?" Kent asked in surprise. A little part of him was also bothered by the fact that Chandler wasn't going to even put up a fight.

"I have no right to keep you here if you're not happy. A good supervisor puts the need of his subordinates above his own wishes. What do you say?"

"All right," Kent replied softly. "I don't want to fight with you anymore."

"Neither do I. In fact, that's the furthest thought from my mind."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, now that we have a truce, it leaves me free to do everything I can to try to change your mind."

"Meaning what, exactly?"

"You're being very suspicious. Don't you trust me?"

"No," Kent replied automatically, making Chandler smile, in spite of the circumstances. Kent felt his heart flutter when he smiled at him. Chandler took out what looked like several business cards from inside his breast pocket of his blazer and handed them to Kent.

"These are for you."

Kent hesitated briefly before taking them from Chandler's hand. Their eyes met when their fingers touched after exchanging the cards. The electricity between them was as strong as ever, much to Kent's dismay.

"Damn it! Why can't I stop myself from reacting to him?" Kent silently cursed himself for having succumbed to a moment of weakness.

"Um…what are these for?" Kent replied awkwardly as he attempted to gather his composure.

"Pick out one and read it."

"The bearer of this card has the right to ask for anything of the issuing party as long as it is within reason and the issuing party has the ability to grant the bearer's request. I don't understand. What's the meaning of this?"

"There are four different requests for each of these cards in the set I handed to you to be used at your discretion. Each request can only be used once. They will expire in two weeks' time…before your last day here. You can use them whenever you wish and I will do everything I can to honor them."

"You're trying to bribe me into staying?"

"I'm asking you to give me a chance to persuade you to change your mind."

"Do you really think this will change the way things are between us?"

"I'm hoping like hell," Chandler admitted reluctantly.

Kent looked through the cards and gave some serious thought to his request, as Chandler looked on anxiously.

"It's very creative, I'll give you that much."

"Does this mean you'll give me a chance?"

"I can't make any promises…but I'm willing to try."

He reached up to touch Kent's cheek ever so gently. "Thank you."

Kent's heart beat unevenly as he watched Chandler leave. He hoped he was making the right decision. Only time would tell.

_To Be Continued_


	12. Eye of the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chandler tries to win back Kent but will it be enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 27May2013

"You want me to do what?" Chandler asked in disbelief as Kent had decided on what to use for his first request.

"I want you to make dinner for me."

"But I don't cook. You know that."

"Untrue. Someone who keeps a well-stocked pantry such as you would surely be able to do the most elementary culinary tasks. Nice try."

"I'm not trying to get out of it. I just thought you would want something more special. Why would you want to use up one of your request cards on something trivial as that?"

"Because in all the time we spent together, I always did the cooking. I want to have at least one meal with you where you did all the cooking. You aren't denying my request, are you?" Kent asked, doing his best impression with the sad puppy-dog eyes.

Damn Kent with those eyes of his. He knew very well that Chandler couldn't resist them.

"If that's what you want, I'll do it. Just don't expect me to match your level of expertise."

"Are you saying that you enjoy my cooking?"

"Of course I do. Why do you think I never cooked?"

"Thanks for the compliment. But you're not getting out of your promise."

"You can't blame me for trying. Any special requests for the menu?"

"I'm sure whatever you make will be just fine. Will you have enough time to prepare by Saturday night?"

"I guess I'll have to make time."

"Don't look so grumpy. It could be worse."

"Would you care to elaborate?"

"I could have asked you to invite Aunt Rose to join us," Kent replied with a small smile before leaving Chandler's office.

* * *

Chandler swore in frustration as the sauce for the roast beef bubbled over the stovetop at the same time he was sautéing the vegetables and keeping an eye on the oven. Fortunately, he was able to salvage most of it as he quickly moved the saucepan to another burner and shut off the oven before the roast burned. He couldn't understand it. He was skilled at multi-tasking at work. Why couldn't he do the same for a simple sit down-dinner? After all, it wasn't the first time he ever cooked a meal. It was just that it had always been easier to pick up something at the market or the convenience store, especially when he was working late at the office. Plus after a hard day's work, he was not in the mood to cook or clean up the inevitable mess.

And then all of a sudden, it hit him like a bolt of lightning. He was fretting so much because he was doing all of this for his soon to be former detective constable. It amazed him at how down to earth Kent could be. He could have easily requested to be wined and dined at a fancy restaurant, but he wanted something simple and more intimate for what could potentially be their last meal together. It was just like him to want to do that. The DI let out a worried sigh. He just hoped they wouldn't need a stomach pump by the end of the meal.

* * *

By the time Kent arrived, Chandler's nerves were all frayed. He was behaving just like he did on their first date, if not worse. Back then, he was only trying to impress Kent. Now, Chandler was doing everything in his power not to lose him.

Kent looked especially cute as he wore a dark brown short-sleeved cargo shirt with capped sleeves that matched his chocolate brown eyes. The style of his shirt emphasized his toned arms and slender waist. He was also sporting a pair of slim fitting blue jeans and tennis shoes. His hair had been trimmed, making him look even younger than his years, which made Chandler more self-conscious of the differences in their ages. Kent had wanted it to be a relaxed atmosphere, in spite of the circumstances, but it only made Chandler even more nervous than he already was.

"Hi," Kent said softly.

"Hi. Please come in. Dinner is almost ready."

"Need a hand?" Kent asked, following Chandler into the kitchen.

"I'm supposed to be doing this on my own, remember?"

"It doesn't mean I can't help, does it? Besides, it looks like you could you use a hand," Kent remarked, noticing that the stove & counter tops were unusually cluttered with debris, which was uncharacteristic of the DI. He also knew that Chandler wouldn't be able to relax until everything was spotless and in its place.

Chandler smiled. "Thank you. If you can help me clean up, I'll get everything out on the dining table."

Kent nodded in agreement. He could feel Chandler's eyes on him every now and then as he wiped off the counter and stovetop surfaces even as Chandler was preparing their plates. He didn't know what was causing the DI to focus his attention on him like this. After all, he had dressed down for the occasion to create an informal atmosphere. Kent couldn't see that just his presence alone was enough to throw the DI off his routine. Plus the fact that his form-fitting clothes were leaving very little to the imagination, causing even more distraction for Chandler.

"Dinner is served," he announced quickly. "It's nothing fancy, but at least it will be filling."

Kent smiled at all the effort Chandler put into making this meal special. No matter the circumstances, he was going to enjoy their time together.

* * *

"What's the matter?" Kent asked when he saw that Chandler was waiting for him to finish chewing his first bite of the roast beef.

"I was just waiting to ask your opinion on the food so far."

"It's delicious," Kent replied softly. "Thank you for doing this for me."

Chandler smiled in relief. "I'm glad to hear that. It's been a while since I've cooked a full meal like this, especially for someone else."

"You should do it more often."

"Well, that all depends on you. Do you intend on sticking around here for me to do that?"

Kent shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I said I would think about reconsidering my decision to leave. The two weeks isn't over yet."

"I didn't mean to put any more pressure on you, Kent. Forget I said anything. Let's just enjoy our time together."

For the rest of the meal, they stuck to safe topics of conversation, but there was an underlying tension brewing between them that neither party was willing to bring up.

"I can't wait to see what you have for dessert."

"What makes you think I even have dessert?"

"Don't you?"

"I could never put anything past you, Kent. You win. I attempted to make chocolate mousse."

Kent smiled fondly as he remembered that Chandler had given him chocolate truffles on their first official date.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"You remembered that I love chocolate."

Chandler's cheeks turned slightly pink and he quickly excused himself to get the dessert from the refrigerator.

"Here you go. Enjoy."

Kent took a big helping of the rich dessert and licked his lips in delight as it melted in his mouth. It took every ounce of self-control for Chandler not to reach over and trace his thumb over those lips. He was relieved that Kent didn't seem to notice how distracted he became as they finished eating without any further incident.

"Would you like an after-dinner drink?"

"No thank you. I'm so stuffed that I would probably burst."

Chandler chuckled at the thought. "Then how about you relax in the sitting room while I take care of the dishes?"

"Let me help with that. After all, you did so much work."

"You're the guest. You shouldn't be doing any more than you have already."

"Really, it's ok. I want to do it. And besides, proper etiquette demands that the guest is always right."

Chandler saw the earnest look in Kent's eyes and gave in.

"I see that you're still spoiling me. All right. I'll wash and you wipe."

"Done."

* * *

"Thank you again for a wonderful meal. I really enjoyed it," Kent commented as they walked into the sitting room.

"There's still some time before we retire for the evening. What do you suggest we do?"

"Well, I think playing 'Truth or Dare' is out of the question."

Chandler blushed again as he remembered what happened the last time they played the game, as it had quickly gotten out of hand.

"How about cards?" Chandler offered instead.

"All right. I warn you though. I'm no pushover when it comes to poker."

Chandler smiled in response. "Neither am I."

Kent had no idea who he was dealing with.

* * *

"You, are a hustler Detective Inspector Chandler. Where did you learn to play like that?"

"I once worked undercover for a sting operation to break up a high society gambling ring. I had to learn everything about poker for the investigation."

"You never cease to amaze me. It's a good thing we weren't playing for real money. Otherwise, I would have been wiped out."

"Well, maybe one of these days, we'll play for something else rather than money," Chandler replied suggestively.

Kent became visibly flustered. It was unnerving the way Chandler had become so flirtatious. As Kent walked away from the table to stretch his legs, Chandler came up behind him and reached up to grasp his shoulders as he brought the younger man against his body. Kent gave a small cry of surprise as Chandler pressed his cheek against the side of Kent's face, no longer able to contain his emotions. He hadn't intended on putting pressure on Kent, but his baser instincts took over his sensibilities. He couldn't stop himself from wanting to be close to his DC again and to feel his skin against his.

"Do you know how much I've wanted to do this all evening and for the past week?"

"Joe, please. Don't do this to me," Kent pleaded as his body traitorously reacted to Chandler's familiar presence. "This won't change anything."

"Then perhaps this will," Chandler responded huskily as he kissed Kent's neck and gently nipped at the porcelain skin with his teeth, sucking on the area he had just marked and making Kent gasp in carnal pleasure.

"Your body betrays your feelings, Kent. Will anyone else be able to make you feel the way I do?"

"D-don't flatter yourself," Kent replied in distraction as he tried to desperately to keep the situation from getting out of control. Unfortunately, Chandler was right about how Kent felt about him.

"The feeling is more than mutual. No one else drives me this mad with distraction the way you do," Chandler spoke into Kent's ear before kissing behind his earlobe. "Are you telling me that you still want to leave?"

"My desire to stay has never been the issue. Until you can give me what I need from you, my decision still stands. Seducing me won't change that."

Chandler pulled away immediately. He was silent for a few seconds as he recovered from his momentary loss of control. Kent was grateful for the chance to regain his equilibrium. He had been so tempted to throw caution to the winds and give in to his desires. It would have been so easy. But it wouldn't have changed anything.

"I still have one more week to change your mind. Anything can happen in the next seven days."

Kent suddenly turned around and buried his face against Chandler's chest, clutching the front of his shirt, almost in desperation.

"Kent?" Chandler asked in confusion.

"I want to use up another request card," Kent replied softly.

"So soon? Are you sure you want to use it now?"

Kent nodded his head affirmatively. "Now is as good a time as any."

"What is it?"

Kent pulled away slightly before answering. He looked into Chandler's baby blue eyes and asked uncertainly, "Will you let me spend the night with you?"

"But didn't you just…"

"It's not what you think. Don't get me wrong. There's nothing in the world I want more than to have you make love to me. But now is not the time. Not under the circumstances. It's just…it's just that I've always wanted to fall asleep in your arms."

Chandler reached up to cradle Kent's cheek. "You really are something special."

"Does that mean you'll honor my request?"

"Of course, I will. I'll go find a change of clothes for you to sleep in."

* * *

When Kent returned from the guest bathroom after changing, he found Chandler already in bed. But much to his surprise, he wasn't wearing a shirt, as the blanket and bed sheets only covered up to his waist, revealing the DI's well-toned chest and abdomen. Kent swallowed nervously as he approached the bed.

"I…um…I didn't know you slept in the buff."

"You're so cute when you're nervous. Relax. I usually sleep without a top, but I have my shorts on underneath. It's funny when you think about it. I should be the one who should be nervous in these kinds of situations."

"I am not nervous!" Kent replied hotly.

Chandler smiled gently as he extended his hand out towards the younger man. Kent stared at it briefly before reaching for the other man's hand as he slipped into bed beside him. Chandler wrapped his arms around Kent and was surprised to find that he was trembling. He placed a comforting hand behind Kent's head with one hand while the other hand rubbed his back slowly back and forth to get him to relax. It was awkward at first being so close to each other in a platonic sense, but Kent was finally able to ease the tension he was feeling as he heard the steady beat of Chandler's heart while resting his cheek against the DI's broad chest. It was such a lovely feeling being nestled within his arms. Just for tonight, he could imagine that Chandler was in love with him. Kent drifted off to sleep as Chandler wrapped his arms around him. He wasn't sure, but he could have sworn that Kent was smiling as he slept.

* * *

Kent breathed a sigh of relief as the day came to a merciful close as it marked the end of long arduous day. It didn't help matters that it had been an unseasonably warm day in Whitechapel. Kent loosened his tie and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt, breathing a sigh of relief. He couldn't do it earlier, no thanks to Chandler for giving him a hickey the size of all outdoors on his neck.

Kent had finally announced that he would be leaving the department and being transferred to the Richmond branch. Everyone had been surprised at his announcement, but thankfully seemed to accept his excuse that it was a great opportunity for advancement that he couldn't pass up, even though he had never had any designs on moving up the promotion ladder. Fortunately, he would not be working directly with DI Norroy, much to his relief. He never did like that woman even when she was being civil. She had given new meaning to the word uptight.

"Would you like to have a drink?" Chandler asked from the door of his office, holding a bottle of gin in his hand.

Kent looked up from his desk and gave him a concerned look.

"Don't worry. I'm not having another crisis. I just thought you could use one after today."

"I think I will take you up on the offer."

He followed the DI into his office and sat in the chair opposite of his desk. "Do you think everyone bought my reason for leaving?" Kent asked quietly, as he took the tumbler of gin that Chandler poured for him.

"You were convincing enough. I don't think they would have believed it if you had told them the real reason why you're leaving."

"You make it sound like it's my fault."

Chandler looked apologetic. He was starting to feel anxious that it was only a few more days before Kent's last day and he wasn't any more certain of which way Kent was leaning towards in terms of his decision to leave or stay.

"I was just stating the facts. Nothing more. Nothing less."

Kent was silent for a moment.

"I want to use my third request card now."

"What is it?"

"Would you tell me about your relationship with your father?"

Chandler's eyes shot up in surprise and shock. "Didn't my aunt tell you everything?"

"This time, I'm not going behind your back. I want to hear it from your own lips."

Chandler took a large swig from his glass, emptying the contents of his drink in one gulp. He took a deep breath and looked into Kent's eyes.

"There isn't much more to tell. My father never loved me. From the moment I was born, he treated me as if I was some sort of disease and stayed as far away from me as possible. With my mother passing away after giving birth to me, I was raised by nursemaids and nannies until I was old enough to go to school. Even then he couldn't wait to ship me off to boarding school as soon as I was old enough."

Kent's heart tightened painfully as he could hear the bitterness in Chandler's voice.

"Strangely enough, I didn't mind going to boarding school, because living with my father was like living in the army. If I didn't do something exactly the way he wanted it, I had to keep doing it over and over again until I got it right. That's the way he was. I had to do everything his way. I couldn't even sneeze without his permission. In all the time I lived with my father, I never understood why he didn't love me. I thought it was because of something I had done."

"Aunt Rose said that your father never got over your mother's death. Perhaps, it wasn't that he didn't love you. Maybe he couldn't."

"That's no excuse for a man shunning his own son from the moment he was born. He probably blamed me for causing my mother's death. I wouldn't put it past him."

"I can't believe that. He must have cared about you. Otherwise, why would he insist on keeping you with him?"

"Is that what Aunt Rose told you?"

Kent nodded silently.

"He only kept me with him so as not to lose face. You see, it wouldn't look good for the Chief Superintendent's public image to have his only child being raised by someone else. There would have been a lot of whispers and rumors floating about his inner circle. I would have been better off living with Aunt Rose. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't be the obsessive, compulsive, and emotional mess that I am today."

"She was under the impression that you didn't want to leave your father."

"Aunt Rose doesn't know about this, and you are not to tell her what I am about to tell you. Do you understand?"

"I promise. My lips are sealed."

"I begged my father to let me live with her when I was ten. He flat out refused and told me point blank that that he would never allow that to happen as long as he lived. It was a huge blow to his pride. He said that I was being ungrateful after everything he had done for me. Basically, he made me feel guilty for wanting to leave him. I had no choice but to obey his wishes. It was always like that with my father. It was either his way, or nothing at all."

"If that's the way you really felt, why did you follow in his footsteps after the way he treated you?"

"I wanted him to acknowledge me in any way, if only to admit that he had some sort of feelings for me. After all, if he loved my mother and had a child with her, he must have had the capacity to love me. That's what I told myself over and over again. I found that the only time he showed any interest in me was when I asked him about work. For the first time in my life, my father paid attention to me. I learned very quickly, that it made life easier from then on. I could pretend that my father actually cared for me, even though I knew I was only pampering his ego. Ironically, by the time I decided on my profession, I had developed a genuine interest in a career in the police force. I let everyone believe it was because I emulating my father. It didn't matter to me anymore by that point. You know, it's funny. I swore to myself that I would never become like my father. But as you can see, I ended up being just like him."

"You're not like your father, Joe. You're nothing like him."

Chandler looked at Kent with a sad expression in his eyes. "Yes, I am. I hurt those closest to me over and over again. Like the way I've hurt you."

Kent's heart went out to him. "But you're also sensitive and caring. And you've always made me feel special; even before we started seeing each other romantically. Besides, I don't think I could fall in love with someone that didn't have the capacity to love."

"I never understood how you could fall for someone with so many faults and shortcomings like me. It must be true what they say that love is blind sometimes."

"My eyes were wide open at the time. I knew from the moment you walked into my life, that you were the only one for me. That hasn't changed. And it never will."

"Then why can't that be enough for you to stay?" Chandler asked softly.

Kent got up and turned away from him. He had been so overcome with emotion that he had almost forgotten that their relationship was hanging by a thread.

"Just because I showed empathy, it doesn't mean that our situation has changed."

"I had a feeling that's what your answer would be."

Kent turned around and looked at Chandler. "If it's any consolation, I'm having a more difficult time with this than I thought I would."

Chandler got up and slung his blazer over his shoulder, holding it by one finger as he was about to leave his office, but not before stopping in front of Kent.

"Then there's still a chance for us," he replied, leaving behind his very confused and conflicted detective constable standing alone in his office.

_To Be Continued_


	13. Come What May

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kent and Chandler make their respective decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted 01Jun2013

"I'm usually the one hiding up here on the roof. Do I need to make a reservation now?" Chandler quipped lightly, as he regarded Kent from a distance. He hoped the humor in his comment hid the nervousness he felt.

It was the day before Kent's last day in Whitechapel and he still had not used up his last request card. He prayed that Kent was reconsidering his decision to leave. He didn't know what he would do without him. Kent turned around to acknowledge Chandler's presence. His thoughts were unreadable, but Chandler knew what was going through Kent's mind if he was feeling the same way as the DI was.

"I just needed a place to think. I can see why you like to come up here."

"You have one more request card left," the DI reminded Kent softly, walking up to stand beside the troubled DC.

"I know," Kent replied just as softly.

"Is that the only reason you haven't made your final decision yet?"

Kent gripped the edge of the parapet tensely until his knuckles turned white.

"What other reason could there be?"

"Perhaps, you were making me wait until the last minute as some sort of punishment." Kent was about to protest angrily when Chandler interrupted him. "But then that's the sort of thing any other person might do in your situation. I know that you would never do that to me."

"What makes you think I wouldn't?"

Chandler reached over and traced the curve of Kent's cheek with this index finger.

"It's not in your nature to be that cruel and heartless."

Kent backed away nervously. He couldn't let his emotions rule his actions at a time like this.

"There is no more time left, Kent. I need to know your answer."

The younger man looked up into his eyes and asked him point-blank, "Before I give you my answer, I want you to tell me the truth. Do you think you could ever love me, Joseph Chandler?"

"Kent, you know how I feel. I've never cared for anyone the way that I care about you."

"That's not what I asked. Answer the question," Kent demanded, as if he were cross examining a suspect.

Chandler's heart palpitated like a jackhammer against his chest. His hands began to sweat as he tried to utter what was in his heart. Beads of perspiration formed on the DI's forehead. He did love Kent. So why couldn't he say what he wanted to say to him?

"I…I…" Chandler stammered nervously. "I can't answer that."

Kent turned away and closed his eyes, shutting out the pain that threatened to overwhelm him.

"The fact that you can't even say the words tells me everything I need to know."

"It's not that I don't care for you, Kent. You know that I do."

"I should have known all along. You can't love me Joe because you won't allow yourself to love me."

"What do you mean by that?" Chandler demanded.

Kent faced Chandler again, his composure barely hanging by a thread.

"It all makes sense now why you never committed yourself emotionally to anyone. You would rather let me leave than to let go of your need to be in control. You've lived this way for so long that you can't break free from it. Because of that, you're afraid of how you feel. That's why you won't allow yourself to love me."

"No! That's not true. It can't be true!"

"Who are you trying to convince, Joe? Me? Or yourself?"

Chandler's hands balled into fists tightly against his sides as he fought against Kent's accusations.

"Even if you had lied about loving me, I would have changed my mind and stayed," Kent replied in a tremulous voice. "I'm going to miss Whitechapel."

"Kent, you can't leave. Please…I'm begging you," Chandler said in desperation as he grabbed Kent's shoulders. "If you leave, you'll be making the biggest mistake of your life. You love working here. I know that you do. Can you really live with that?"

"Now, who's the one using emotional blackmail?" Kent replied quietly, letting his words sink in.

Chandler's hands dropped to his sides as though he had been burned.

"I hope one day, you can find someone who will make you happy, Joe. I'm just sorry it couldn't be me."

Kent turned to leave when Chandler suddenly reached over and grabbed Kent's arm, bringing his DC against his chest, and kissed him with every fiber of his being. Kent willed his body not to respond as he kept still, fighting the urge to give in to him, even though every nerve screamed out for his familiar touch. Kent knew that this was a last ditch attempt by Chandler to persuade him to stay. He was desperate, but so was Kent in his resolve to walk away from a hopeless situation. When Kent did not respond, Chandler let go of him, finally admitting defeat. Kent ran away from him as though the devil were on his heels.

Chandler had tried his best….and it still wasn't good enough.

* * *

The rain was pouring outside of the Whitechapel police station, coming down in buckets. The miserable weather was apropos of how Kent was feeling at the moment. The detective constable forced a smile on his lips as the entire department made him make a speech on his last day at his farewell party. He couldn't really remember any of the words he spoke; only that it was short and to the point. There were a few hearty chuckles and a few tears shed by some, many of them lamenting the loss of one of the most amiable Detective Constables in the Whitechapel division. They weren't just losing any detective constable. They were losing one of their own.

The alcohol flowed and spilled over. Chandler allowed it for once, without any protest even though it was late in the afternoon a few hours before clocking off time, much to the surprise of everyone. No one questioned why and took full advantage of the relaxation of the rules. Handshakes, hugs, and well wishes were exchanged as the party continued into the evening. Even Fitzgerald stopped by just to wish Kent well. Despite the party atmosphere, no one realized how heavy Kent's heart was…except for one solitary figure.

Chandler stayed in the back of the group as he too was coming to terms with Kent leaving. He couldn't blame him for wanting to get away and make a fresh start somewhere else. There were too many memories here, both good and bad. If there was anyone to blame, Chandler didn't have to look very far except in the mirror. It was for the best. After giving it a lot of thought, he decided to do what was in Kent's best interest and let him go. He was too young to be saddled with Chandler's hang ups and emotional baggage. Kent deserved a chance at happiness and finding someone who could make him happy and give him what he needed. Not to settle for an imperfect emotional mess that continued to hurt the person closest to him. That's what Chandler kept telling himself. But he was having more difficulty convincing himself of that as the day went on.

Eventually the crowd emptied as the evening went on until Chandler and Kent were the only ones remaining in the incident room. It was an awkward atmosphere as they were trying to remain business-like, amidst their personal heartache.

"You're really leaving then," Chandler said quietly.

"Did you think I wouldn't go through with it?" Kent asked putting the last of his personal belongings into his messenger bag. How ironic that it was raining on his last day. It was symbolic of how their relationship had turned out.

"You said you would never leave."

"And you said that you would accept my decision," he reminded him.

"I haven't forgotten my promise."

Kent didn't want to leave, but Chandler left him very little choice. He also knew that for his sanity's sake that he had to leave. He couldn't work side by side with Chandler day in and day out knowing that he could never love him. Chandler was silent as tried to find the right words to say.

"You'll be sorely missed, Kent. I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

"You'll be just fine," he answered without emotion. "Besides, you don't need me."

Didn't Chandler realize how much harder he was making it on him?

"You have Miles, Mansell, Riley, and the rest of the staff. And you can always find another detective constable as my replacement."

"No one could ever replace you," Chandler replied softly.

Kent looked up at him with wide eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights, as a tiny flicker of hope stirred in his heart. But as quickly as it came, he distinguished it just as quickly. Instead, he extended his hand out to his now ex-boss. If this was going to be their last parting, he wanted to remember it as being amicable.

"No matter what's happened between us, it has been a pleasure and an honor working with you, sir," he said softly. "Goodbye."

Chandler stared at Kent's out-stretched hand for a long time before reaching out to squeeze it in mutual admiration. He hadn't realized that he was holding onto Kent's hand far longer than he had intended, and let go abruptly when he saw Kent shifting uncomfortably as Chandler's thumb was unconsciously stroking the back of Kent's palm.

Kent took a deep breath and turned away to walk out of the incident room for the last time and out of Chandler's life. Chandler stared after him, his heart and mind going a mile a minute. Could he really let Kent go like this? Did he have the will and resolve to let go of his need for control to finally take that last leap and admit that he loved Kent before it was too late? Could he risk everything and forsake it all for love?

"Kent!" he called out when he reached the door to the foyer, making the younger man stop in his tracks.

"Don't leave me."

Kent turned around and looked at him. He could see Chandler struggling with his feelings. He remembered going through exactly the same range of emotions when he tried to fight his own feelings for his boss almost three years ago. But for Chandler, it was even more difficult. Kent knew that better than anyone.

"Wouldn't it be pointless if I stayed? You've already given me your answer, haven't you?"

"You might be interested in what I have to say. Will you please listen to me?"

"I don't know why I should. Unless, you can give me a reason for staying," he challenged.

"I know that you've already made up your mind, Kent. And I don't suppose anything I say now would change your mind," Chandler replied, sounding disheartened.

Kent walked a little closer, but kept a healthy distance between them.

"I'll be the judge of that."

Chandler met Kent's gaze across the room. Now was not the time to be cautious and it wasn't the time to hold anything back. He was tired of all the mind games and emotional ups and downs just as much as Kent was. He finally decided that didn't care anymore about being control when it came to his feelings for his detective constable; not when it came at the price of their future together. He loved Kent, and he was willing to live with the consequences no matter what happened in the next few moments.

With every fiber of his being, Chandler replied, "I need you, Kent. I need you in every part of my life. You asked me once if I was afraid of relationships and I couldn't give you a reason why I felt that way. The truth is I thought that I would never find someone who could accept me with all of my faults and compulsive tendencies. It would have been asking too much of them to accommodate me with all of my peculiar ways. I felt as though I was cursed. Every time there was a glimmer of hope, everything came crashing down around me over and over again."

"It didn't appear that way with Morgan before she died," Kent said, with great difficulty. "You were clearly attracted to her. I know that I will never be able to replace her in your heart."

Chandler didn't miss the insecurity in Kent's voice. He didn't realize the young man still felt like he was second best when it came to her.

"I know exactly who you are and what you mean to me. I'm not going to lie to you, Kent. I was attracted to her at that time. But when I think back, a part of that attraction was due to her ability to treat my OCD. For the first time in my life, someone understood that side of me and I felt like I could actually control it. That never happened before. When she died, I felt like I had lost all hope for any sort of a normal life. I became depressed and shut down emotionally. Leaving myself open to that kind of raw emotion hurt too much and I just couldn't bear to go through it all over again. That's part of the reason why I was on that drunken binge the night you saved me from myself. I literally lost all hope of any future up to that point. I felt like I was destined to be alone and unhappy for the rest of my life."

"Why did you bother starting a relationship with me if you felt that way?"

"I couldn't deny my feelings for you any longer. I think I've always been attracted to you, but the logical part of my brain said that I wasn't interested in men. If I had known earlier how you felt about me, perhaps it would have changed things. I'm not sure. If I hadn't been in mourning for what I thought I had lost, maybe I would have seen the light at the end of a very dark tunnel. I would have seen that there was already someone else waiting for me. Someone who had been with me long before Morgan came, and I never even noticed. And someone who was stubborn enough to stay with me no matter what I said or did. When you confessed your feelings for me, I fought like hell to deny that I felt something more than I already did."

"I didn't know."

"I didn't want you to. Instead of accepting your love, I pushed you away time and time again when I felt emotionally threatened."

"Is that why you told me that we could never have a future together?"

"I was protecting you from myself. At least that's what I convinced myself that I was doing. The truth is…I was afraid. I was afraid of the way you made me feel whenever I was with you. For the first time in my life, I was falling in love and I didn't even know it. All it took was a smile or a fleeting touch from you and I couldn't function. I didn't think I could ever need anyone the way I needed you, Kent. I still need you. It frightened me that I could be so out of control with my emotions, especially when we kissed for the first time. Do you have any idea of the power you have over me?"

"I honestly wasn't trying to persuade you in any way."

"You didn't have to try. It's just who you are. Just like how you always knew me; sometimes even better than myself. When you found about my past, I felt like I couldn't hide my feelings behind my control issues anymore. It scared me that you could affect me so much. So I tried to put some distance between us, thinking you would eventually give up."

"Mission accomplished," Kent replied, his voice trembling as he remembered how he had agonized over his decision to leave.

"No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't ignore you or forget you. You destroyed my pretenses and shattered all of my defenses without even trying."

"How did I do that?"

"You made me finally realize that I didn't have to be perfect to be loved. That I didn't have to let the past rule my life. And you accepted me completely, knowing how difficult it would be and without any guarantee of having your affections returned. I couldn't believe that someone could care for me so much in spite of my demons and imperfections. I thought there was something wrong with me because my father never showed me any love or affection. That somehow, it was my fault that he didn't love me and therefore, I couldn't love anyone else. I used it as an excuse to hide my feelings for you, Kent. But even when I pushed you away, you stubbornly refused to give up on me. You wanted something better for me; for us. The more I tried to deny how I felt, the worse my OCD became. I've spent my entire life being controlled by my compulsive ways. If I admitted that I cared for you, it meant that I would no longer be in control of my emotions as well as myself. I was terrified at the very idea."

"If you're trying to get me to feel sorry for you to influence me…"

"No! That's not it all! Can't you see that I was not only fighting my feelings for you but I was also fighting myself and a lifetime of doubts and fears? But in spite of all my attempts to deny how I felt, you forced me to face the truth and make a choice. In the end, all the anxieties, the uncertainties, and the fears I had harbored for so long didn't matter anymore because of you. You showed that there was another way to live. And you showed me what love truly is all about. I don't want to lose you, Kent. I can't lose you."

"If, I decide to stay, it will mean changes for both of us. We would still have to face challenges both personally and professionally. And there are no guarantees. I have to be sure this is what you really want."

Chandler took a few steps forward shortening the distance between them.

"What I want, is to see your smile. I want to see your eyes light up, whenever I praise you for doing good work on a case. I want to be the one to comfort you whenever you're feeling overwhelmed so that you don't have to cry alone in the car park, ever again. And I want to hold you in my arms and never let you go. I need you in my life. I need your strength and your wisdom beyond your years. I need your sense of humor and the way you tease me so that I don't take things too seriously. Most of all, I need you to love me. I know what I want. It's you, Kent. It has always been you."

Kent felt his defenses weakening as Chandler poured his heart out to him. He knew how much it took for him to admit his feelings, but Kent was still afraid. He was afraid that Chandler was only doing this to keep him here out of fear and desperation. Kent loved him so much that he couldn't bear the thought that Chandler was only reciprocating his affections out of necessity and perhaps a sense of duty. Most of all, he was afraid that everything would fall apart again if he stayed.

"I'd really like to believe that. But I won't allow you to care for me out of obligation. I don't need your pity. I deserve better than that."

"Is that what you really think?" Chandler asked incredulously.

"Can you blame me?" Kent replied challenging him.

"No, I can't say that I do. I'm not used to making flowery romantic speeches, but if you believed anything I've ever told you, believe in this. I've never felt this way about anyone. You make me…you make me not afraid to be myself. You make me believe that I can be happy. Kent, you're the missing piece of the puzzle to making my life complete. I'll let you go if that's what you really want. But if there is any part of you that still wants to be with me, then please…don't go."

Kent swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and bit his lower lip in contemplation as Chandler waited anxiously at the other end of the room for his answer. The sound of the pouring rain could be heard splattering against the building as a heavy silence blanketed the incident room. After a few tense moments, Kent started walking slowly back towards his desk, keeping his gaze towards the tiled floor. What was a short gap between them became a chasm as far as he was concerned with every step he took. But deep down, in spite of everything, there was never any doubt in Kent's mind what his answer would be.

He put down his messenger bag on his desk and began to unpack his belongings. All of a sudden, Kent felt himself being pulled into a fierce and passionate embrace as Chandler wrapped him in his arms, holding his DC tightly against his chest and buried his face at the back of Kent's neck. Kent was stunned for a moment as he temporarily had the wind knocked out of him. He felt Chandler's warm breath caressing the base of his neck. After regaining his equilibrium, Kent relaxed and buried his face against the curve of Chandler's shoulder wrapping his arms around his beloved DI. Kent had always wondered what it would be like to be held by him like this; freely and without reservation. And knowing that he finally belonged to Chandler. After three long torturous years, he didn't have to wonder any more.

"Is this real? Or am I dreaming?" Kent murmured softly. "If this is all a dream, don't wake me up."

He felt the rumble of laughter coming from Chandler's body as it reverberated against Kent's face.

"It's all very real." Chandler pulled back slightly so that he could speak into Kent's ear. "You realize that I'll never let you go now."

"I wouldn't mind that at all," Kent replied holding him even tighter.

"Emerson," Chandler said in a serious tone. "I don't know what the future holds and I'm still trying to sort out all my rather complicated hang ups. I don't know if I'll ever be able to overcome all my demons," he said in all honesty. "I'm far from perfect and I know that I can be difficult sometimes. Can you live with that?"

Kent pulled away to look up into Chandler's face, staying within the circle of his arms. Chandler rarely ever called him by his first name. It was almost a comfort thing for him to address Kent by his last name. But now that Chandler had told Kent how he truly felt about him, he didn't need to hold back any longer. Kent reciprocated in kind.

"I waited three years for you, Joseph Chandler. I've been through hell and back hoping and praying that someday you would return my feelings. I can live with whatever life throws at us as long as I'm at your side. That's all I've ever really wanted. I know you're not perfect. Neither am I. But I fell in love with you just the way you are, warts and all. If you want to change, then do it for yourself; not for me. I'll still feel the same way about you as I do now and I will always support you. That will never change."

"How do you do it, Emerson? How can you love me so much knowing the way that I am?"

"You don't make it easy," Kent admitted reluctantly.

Chandler lowered his gaze acknowledging the fact. Kent reached up to touch the curve of his cheek lovingly.

"But you're worth it."

Chandler leaned over and brushed his lips against Kent's forehead, sending shivers of delight through his body. Even the slightest touch from Chandler set his nerve endings on fire and it showed, quite convincingly.

"I admire a man who knows what he likes," Chandler responded teasingly when he saw Kent's reaction.

"Before we go any further, there's one more thing we need to discuss. I know you've always wanted a family of your own..."

Chandler put a finger on Kent's lips to silence him, knowing what he was going to say next.

"You're the only family I need, Emerson. Well, you and Aunt Rose. But don't tell her that. She'll never let me hear the end of it if she found out."

Kent pulled away slightly.

"But I saw the way you looked when you held DS Miles' daughter that time."

"Holding a baby and having one of your own are two very different things. When I was younger, I thought about it. But it's never been a high priority for me. I have enough to deal with taking care of myself, let alone a child."

"Are you sure, Joe?" Kent asked uncertainly.

Chandler pulled the troubled young man in his arms again.

"Positive. And besides, if I ever feel differently, there are always other alternatives. But what about your family? Will they be all right with the idea of us being together?"

"Are you kidding? Mum was wondering what took me so long to find someone like you in the first place, when I told her we were dating. She'll be thrilled that we made up. Now, she can stop worrying about me."

"She sounds a little bit like Aunt Rose."

"In between my mother and your aunt, I see we're going to have several headaches between the both of us."

Chandler brought Kent against his chest and wrapped his arms around his DC, smiling contently.

All of a sudden, Kent pulled away from Chandler, his face stricken with a look of panic and worry.

"What's the matter?" Chandler asked.

"My transfer," Kent replied worriedly. "I forgot all about it. What are we going to do?"

Chandler gave Kent's shoulders a reassuring squeeze to comfort him.

"You needn't worry about that. Everything is under control."

"Why shouldn't I worry? You know all the red tape it will have to go through in order to get it rescinded. How can you be so relaxed? Who knows how long that will take?"

"Well, actually, your paperwork will be difficult to locate. They've somehow mysteriously disappeared somewhere along the system."

"You didn't…" Kent replied in complete disbelief.

"I'm afraid I did. Your requisition papers are now just ashes floating along in the river Thames."

"So, you let me go through all that torture when you knew all along that I couldn't leave even if I wanted to?" Kent demanded angrily.

"It wasn't on purpose. I was desperate and I swear that it was a last minute decision on my part. I didn't even think about it until you gave me your answer yesterday."

"You're very sure of yourself, aren't you?" Kent replied, still annoyed, but understanding Chandler's unintentional actions.

"Not really. If that still didn't work, I would have used my connections to keep you here."

A reluctant smile broke out on Kent's face. He couldn't help but laugh at him. Chandler even had a backup plan. But it was so like him to be prepared for anything.

"What's so funny?" Chandler demanded.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you're always so proper and a stickler for the rules. I never thought you would do something so devious and underhanded."

"I hope you realize now just how desperate I was to keep you here with me."

"Remind me never to get on your bad side."

Chandler regarded Kent with a sad expression on his face, as he realized just how much Kent went through for his sake.

"I made you suffer so much. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"Of course, I can. But, I expect you to make it up to me," he added with a coy smile, running his index finger slowly up and down the DI's chest, making Chandler's breath catch in pleasure. "Any suggestions?"

In a rare display of playfulness, Chandler smirked confidently as he caught Kent's wandering hand and held it against his chest.

"Oh, I can think of couple of things. You were always eager to please me. I'm looking forward to finding out just how eager you are."

"Why, DI Chandler! How dare you!" Kent exclaimed, pretending to be offended at his suggestive innuendo. "Do you always talk that way to anyone you fancy?"

"I only reserve that privilege for the person I'm in love with."

"And just who might that be?" Kent asked, playing along.

"I'll give you a little hint," he replied huskily, cradling Kent's face and lowering his head to kiss him deeply and longingly. When they finally separated, Kent leaned forward so that their foreheads were touching.

"Tell me what I want to hear, Joe," he requested softly, still in a delirious daze after being kissed so thoroughly.

"You're not going to make me say it, are you?"

"You bet your sweet ass, I am."

Chandler threw back his head as his laughter echoed throughout the nearly empty room. He slipped his hands behind Kent's back, wrapping his arms around Kent's slender frame and looked deeply into his eyes. He finally found that special person he had been waiting for all of his life.

"I love you, Emerson Kent. And I am going to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much."

Kent's eyes reflected relief and happiness all at once. He felt like his heart would burst with joy.

"I'm going to hold you to that promise. Starting right now," he replied softly, leaning towards Chandler.

The detective inspector happily obliged, closing the gap between them and sealing their future together with another heartfelt kiss as Kent melted in his arms. He was right where he belonged.

* * *

DS Miles was about to enter the incident room when he stopped abruptly in his tracks. Chandler and Kent were wrapped in each other's arms, oblivious to the world, and very much in love. The grizzled detective sergeant smiled in satisfaction and left discreetly. It was about bloody time those two got together. It probably took so long because of Chandler, no doubt. Better late than never.

He chuckled to himself as he thought of the many headaches in store for the young detective constable. Miles' duties as Chandler's nanny and guardian were officially over as far as he was concerned and he didn't mind handing the reins over to Kent. Oh, he would keep a watchful on the boss once in a while, but the DI was going to be Kent's problem from now on, since it was evident that he wasn't going anywhere.

And there was no else Miles entrusted to do the job better than Kent.

* * *

Kent sipped his morning coffee as he watched the sun beginning to creep over the horizon. He let out a sigh of contentment, enjoying the quiet and peacefulness of the early morning. Had it really been three months since Chandler made his profession of love? It seemed only yesterday. Perhaps time passed by so quickly because Kent was so blissfully happy.

He was glad that they had waited for the right moment for their first time together. Chandler had been tentative, but the moment he held Kent in his arms and looked into his eyes, he had no more reservations. Because their hearts were entwined as one, it felt like it had been the first time again for both of them. For Kent, it was a dream come true. After having tasted forbidden fruit, it turned out that Chandler had an insatiable appetite for his detective constable that shocked not only Kent, but even Chandler himself. No one would have guessed by looking at the reserved DI, that he was such an amorous, demanding, and passionate lover.

Suddenly Kent felt a pair of arms encircle his waist from behind and then a pair of warm lips kiss the side of his neck tenderly. Speak of the devil. He smiled and leaned back against Chandler's body.

"Good morning," he whispered into Kent's ear, making him shiver with delight at hearing his voice filled with such unmistakable desire. "I was wondering why it was so cold in my bed."

Kent didn't put up much of a fight in resisting Chandler's probing lips as they traced the folds of his inner ear and then behind his earlobe finding the sweet spot that drove Kent wild. He lost what little control he had left as Chandler kept nuzzling at his sensitive spot. Chandler didn't always fight fair sometimes, and he knew it. It was a wonderful problem to have in this case.

"If you keep doing that, we're going to be late for work again," Kent replied distractedly, putting down his cup on the table before it spilled over.

Although they hadn't made their relationship official in front of their colleagues, most people had an inkling that they were indeed a couple. It wasn't that hard to figure out, considering the two of them would sometimes come late to the station, arriving together at the same time. But Chandler didn't care and neither did Kent. And despite some of the subtle and not-so-subtle teasing they received, the group had been very supportive of them. After all, if the DI was in a good mood, it made all their lives easier.

But it wasn't all a bed of roses. Chandler had gotten some flak from Commander Anderson for being involved with a lower ranking officer in his department as he had heard about their relationship from the grapevine, but Chandler had stood firmly in his convictions and said that if he had to give up any future consideration for promotion in the ranks, he would gladly do it in order to stay with Kent. Their happiness was worth more than all the promotions in the world. For once in his life, he put his happiness first before his ambitions and keeping up appearances. He had no regrets whatsoever. Whenever he held Kent in his arms, he knew that he had made the right decision.

Chandler turned Kent around so that he could look into those beautiful big brown doe eyes that he loved so much. He could gaze into those orbs all day long.

"If you have a problem with that, I suggest you discuss it with your supervisor," he replied huskily, bringing Kent against him for a deep long kiss.

Kent linked his arms around Chandler's neck returning the kiss with the same amount of enthusiasm, loving how Chandler was open and affectionate whenever they were alone together. He was still the same compulsive overly anxious detective inspector at work, but he had learned to accept that his OCD was a part of who he was. And as counterproductive as it may have sounded, his compulsiveness actually helped him with his problem solving skills. Kent didn't mind as long as he had his tender and caring friend and lover in private.

"We should continue this discussion in the bedroom," Kent murmured suggestively after they separated. He gasped when Chandler hooked his finger in the back collar of Kent's robe, and slowly dragged the material down over his shoulders with one hand, while seductively trailing his other finger along the curve of his spine at the same time, stopping dangerously close to another one of Kent's sensitive areas. Kent's entire body shivered in delight.

"I thought you were worried about being late for work," Chandler replied with a smirk.

Kent leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss against the base of Chandler's throat. He let his tongue massage the pulsing vein at the base of the other man's neck, applying gentle pressure to the area. He smiled secretly, enjoying how he made Chandler tremble at his touch.

"I would much rather be with you."

"You're a man after my own heart, Emerson."

Kent placed his hand over Chandler's chest and felt his heart beating in a steady rhythm. He looked up into Chandler's eyes adoringly.

"This really does belong to me, doesn't it?" he asked softly, still in disbelief that Chandler was his and his alone.

Chandler covered Kent's hand with his, holding it against his chest possessively. "Now and forever, my dark haired angel."

Kent couldn't help but blush in embarrassment at the endearment. The blood rushed to his cheeks immediately. It was the curse of being so fair-skinned.

"No one would ever guess by looking at you, that you're so romantic."

"Don't tell anyone my secret. You wouldn't want me to get a reputation for being soft, would you?"

Kent chuckled softly.

"You know something? I love you even more for saying it."

Chandler smiled at him and planted a feather light kiss across his forehead before they headed towards the bedroom. The sun shone into the room signaling the beginning of a new day and a bright future. And Chandler and Kent would be facing it together.

The End

_A/N: I didn't think the end would come so soon, but alas, all things must come to an end. It's been a blast. I want to thank all of you for stopping by to read this. Long live Chandler & Kent! :)_


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